Monday, September 28, 2009

Dan

There is episode on Seinfeld where Jerry goes on a date with a woman who looks completely different in different lighting. The Two Faced Date. I kind of experienced the same thing.

The first time I met Dan was in a dimly lit bar on a dark, rainy night. We hit it off, had a few (ok, several) drinks and agreed to meet up again. Well, I met him outside of the Art Gallery one sunny afternoon and he looked completely different to me! In particular, his teeth. It was like I was going on a date with a completely different person. Him?

Also, smoking is kind of a dealbreaker for me! Somehow I forgot about that.

Dating in the Dark

Have you seen this show? It's the latest reality show from ABC where couples live in the same house and date each other in complete darkness. It's weird. One of the girls actually said: "I hope he doesn't look like Shrek!". Sigh.

Book Alert: Jennifer Johnson is Sick of Being Single

An excerpt: Nobody tells the truth. Everything means something else. I've learned what a few things really mean the hard way and I've started my own dating profile-to-English translation phrase-book.

HANDY AROUND THE HOUSE
- He will not call a plumber under any circumstance. Ever.

GOOD WITH MONEY
- He's a cheap bastard and will make you go Dutch. Forever.

FAMILY MAN
- He's married.

LOVES KIDS
- He has kids and no daycare provider.

MATURE MAN
- He's at least fifty, and looks at least sixty-five.

YOUNG AT HEART
- He's trolling for preteen.

CASUAL GUY
- He wears dirty sweatpants out to dinner.

METROSEXUAL
- He's hoping if he dates one more girl, he won't be gay. Doesn't matter. He's gay.

LOVES MOVIES
- Loves porn.

GOOD PERSONALITY
- He's fat.

GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR
- He's fat and desperate. Will laugh at anything you say.

OUTDOORSY
- He pees in the sink.

READY TO SETTLE DOWN
- He's just been dumped.

LIKES TO HAVE A GOOD TIME
- He gets drunk. A lot.

LOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES
- He makes an ass of himself in public.

A GREAT DANCER
- He thinks he's a great dancer. He's not.

NOT OVERLY EMOTIONAL
- He's a sociopath.

SELDOM DATES
- Seldom gets second dates.

UNDERSTANDS WOMEN
- He's been married and divorced four times.

Speed Dating

8 minutes, 8 guys, 8 lightning round conversations! Speed dating is so much fun. I've only done it twice, but both times I thoroughly enjoyed myself even if I was left without a match. Don't you wish all really bad dates could be over in 8 minutes? Think about it.

Tips:
1). Don't go alone. Bring a friend with you. If it's a female friend, make sure you have polar opposite taste in men. What if you both end up wanting to date the same guy? What if she gets him and you don't? How are you going to feel?
2). Have fun!! Relax, don't take it too seriously.
3). Beware of the creepy guy talking to your chest.

Dog Park Guy

Who knew that the dog park is worse than Maxwells on a Saturday night? It's a meat market. I had no idea. I've never owned a dog myself, therefore I have never been able to tap into this unexplored resource.

Ahhh Dog Park Guy. So adorable. This was an interesting scenario because I had met him briefly at a party in Tremblant and then thought, that's it. Never to be seen again. Then a friend of mine saw some photos from said party, and divulged that she had in fact met him at the dog park the other day. What a coincidence! Fate, perhaps?

About a month later, she bumped into him again, told him about me, and got his phone number and gave it to me. Ummm can you say best wingwoman ever? She did all of the dirty work. Now I just had to call him. It wasn't easy, but I did it. He seemed very easy to talk to and friendly. However, he didn't remember me from the party. And yet, he suggested we meet up for coffee/drinks sometime. I called him up later in the week to formulate plans (I'm a ridic planner) and we settled on brunch on Saturday.

To make a long story short, I put in a lot of effort and time to make these arrangements, only to be blown off (by text!) the morning of our supposed date. That day wasn't going to work for him, but if I wanted to, I could tag along with him on his dog walk early the following morning. No thanks, I thought. Clearly he was not very interested or curious enough to want to go out on a proper date. What a dog! I couldn't feel too hurt though, because I really knew nothing about him.

What are your thoughts on the "brunch date"? I want to know.

Ask him out!

If I relied on guys to make a move and ask me out, I would perpetually be single. Seriously. It's unheard of in this city. I went through a phase where I would just ask guys out... and it worked! I would land myself a date.

I even asked out this guy who worked at a Record Store on my street. I would be in there all the time, buying CDs I didn't need, checking out the cute RS boy. Finally, one day, I mustered up the courage (sober, I might add) to ask him out for coffee. He looked at me like I had just killed his puppy. Total shock and disbelief.

I think I had built up RS boy in my head to be this amazingly funny, super cool dude. I put him on a pedestal. When we later met up for coffee, he was pretty boring (and didn't want to talk about music!?). But I was SO proud of myself for what I had accomplished. The old me would never have even entertained the idea. That took balls, no?

Special note: Don't ask someone out who works at a clothing store, restaurant, etc that you frequent and enjoy visiting. You will never be able to show your face there again. Ever. Luckily for me, the record store has since shut down, RS boy has moved to Toronto and I am able to walk down my street again.

Welcome to the World of Online Dating

I never thought I would try online dating. I hemmed and hawed for months before FINALLY creating a profile for myself one night with a friend (and a bottle of wine). The concept seemed so foreign to me. In the beginning, I would "send a smile" or message various singles, but never really focus so much on actually meeting up in person. Then one day, a friend asked me: "Soooo why exactly are you on there then?". Bah! Totally called out. It's true, I'm looking for a date, not a penpal.

The truth is, online dating can be fun IF you make it fun. It's a good social experiment. It forces you to interact and converse with people you would never have otherwise met living in the same city. Trust me, I was mega shy growing up so this is good practice. What do you have to lose? Sure, it's scary - putting yourself out there like that. But it's hard to meet new people (how many times have you heard that?) and the ratio of girls to guys in Ottawa is something like 6:1.

BOOM BOOM POW

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Tim

Attractive, reserved, self-proclaimed retired hippie, Tim intrigued me. He had stories of hitchhiking in Australia. He played in 2937429374 bands. I was his first online date. We sat out on the patio for hours talking and laughing.

I thought it went really well. Wrong! He told me he would call me and I never heard from him again.

Zing!

Jamie

Ahhhh Jamie. An overly talkative, possibly metrosexual dude who used humour as a defense mechanism to cover up his many, many insecurities. I could see us being friends, but nothing more.

I totally blew him off, and then later bumped into him at Bluesfest. I tried to avoid eye contact with him but he actually came up to me and started talking. It was awkward. I couldn't tell if he was genuinely happy to see me or if he was still pissed off that I never responded to his email to go out on a second date. He also contacted me again later to say that he liked my updated pics. Creepy? Clearly this guy is keeping tabs on me.

Craig

My first ever online dating experience! It was a pleasant one. Enough so, that I gave Craig a second try. I remember he was late and didn't really apologize. Also, he was trying really hard to impress me with his line of work. I was not getting a romantic vibe at all, and was upset that the dessert spot we were dining at was all out of Pecan Pie.

It was a letdown on all accounts.

Garth

The lunch date. A perfect idea for a first date. Why? IRREGARDLESS, I gots to eat. If it's a bust, I can go back to work and focus on something (or someone!) else. I specifically remember telling Garth how dreamy and soap opera actor-y he looked in his picture. He did not look so dreamy in the flesh. I don't get it. Why post pictures online that don't really look like yourself? You're bound to get caught and really, you're not doing yourself any favours (unless of course, you are not the most photogenic person in the world, in which case, it's a nice surprise).

Thank god for lunch reservations, otherwise I probably would have assumed he stood me up. Garth was a cynic. It was Christmastime, and it was like I was on a date with Scrooge.

And really, could I date a guy named Garth?

Ricky

Have you ever been on a date with a gay man who doesn't realize he's gay? That's Ricky. Now, if I had spent less time emailing Ricky and more time on the phone with him, I would have at least had a better indication that he was looking for a nonsexual, BFF, shopping partner relationship. I couldn't get a word into the conversation, he didn't ask me any questions about myself (always a red flag), and then described in detail every single jacket he owns. He loves to shop at Holt Renfrew. *I* don't even shop at Holt Renfrew.

At the end of the date, he tried to kiss me. WTF? It's funny how two people can have a completely different perspective of how a date went.

Eric

Online dating is weird, but it's starting to become trendy. It's worked out for me in the past, so after a much needed break, I thought, why not give it another go? Meet Eric. We decided to go on a "mini pub crawl" after work on a Friday night. Ladies, never give up your weekend time for a random stranger. Yes, it has the potential to go really well, but it can equally be miserable and you can be trapped on a 3 hour "mini pub crawl" date from hell.

I knew instantly that Eric would not be the one for me. But, it was dinner time and I was starving so I ordered my meal and we shared a pitcher of beer. I was trying to fight back my yawns, my time checks and my multiple bathroom breaks, but it was hard. He challenged me on how "expensive" it was that I buy my lunch every day at work. He grilled me about my "passion in life" and then proceeded to tell me that his included collecting figurines and playing video games. For every thing I liked, he disliked. And yet, he still wanted the date to continue! Kill me.

We went to another pub for drinks and when I went to the washroom, Sneaky E ordered us another pitcher of beer. Maybe he thought if he got me drunk, we would be more compatible? When I returned from the ladies room, he asked me why I always brought my purse with me. Ahem. Ladies, as you know, there could be several personal reasons why purses are brought to bathroom stalls. In this case, I was drunk texting a friend to help plan my escape route.

After three hours of excruciating pain, I got up, paid for our bill and told him that I had to get going because I had to pick up a friend at the airport. Probably not the best excuse when 1) you've been drinking heavily and 2) your date knows that you don't own a car.

Scott

I don't know about you, but I've always thought a guy who's kind of nerdy is cute. I don't mean the kind that is addicted to World of Warcraft, wearing socks with sandals and is a 40 year old virgin. Intelligence is sexy. But when is nerdy "too nerdy"?

Enter Scott. A "nice guy" (boring) with a good/stable job, a bit shy/quiet/serious and nerdy. We didn't really have very many things in common at all. There were plenty of awkward silences on our date and I didn't laugh as much as I had wanted to (that, or my jokes weren't funny). In the past, I have usually felt a spark of some sort or at least a desire/curiosity to find out more. I'm not so sure about Scott.

But then I started to think about friends of mine and their significant others and how different they are from each other. Do opposites really attract?

I always thought I should give a potential suitor a 2-3 date grace period. I'm on the fence with this one. This was also the first time I let a friend of mine set me up. You assume your friends sometimes know you better than you know yourself. Clearly there was something about Scott that made my friend think I was a good match for him. But what?