Saturday, January 30, 2010

Healing Love Academy

This is how I spent my Friday night. I attended a 2 hour lecture entitled "How to avoid marrying a jerk! (male or female)" put on by Healing Love Academy which is part of the Capital Choice Counselling Group at St Paul University. The Psychologist giving the talk was very interesting and entertaining....not to mention it was quite a big turnout which surprised me! Most of the things he spoke about are things that most of us already knew, but needed to be reminded of. Also, everyone agreed that it would be extremely beneficial if a mandatory class on love/communication was offered in Grade 6 (imagine?!). Topics included: the art of getting oneself ready for a relationship commitment, how to get to know a new date/partner, the five pieces of information that should make you RUN, and why we choose the lovers we do.

Notes:
- falling in love will not save you from jerks
- love and relationships are a lot of hard work
- in order to let go of your ex, you need to GRIEVE the loss of a love... 6-12 months of emotional celibacy is recommended
- the first step in building a healthy relationship is being the best person you can be
- examine the pros/cons of ex-partners... ask them what you need to work on
- when you are ready to be in a relationship, you need to make yourself available
- similarity and complimentarity is important and helps keep us together
- relationships first, chemistry second... for example: know, trust, rely and commit need to be established before touch (if this means talking instead of touching for 3 months, so be it!)
- your close family and friends are your "jury".... if they vote against your relationship, LISTEN
- the best way to get to know someone after dating for a few months is visiting his family and examining the way he treats them (we love the way we were TAUGHT to love)
- if he doesn't take you to visit his family/never calls his family = RED FLAG
- you have the right to know about his past relationships/issues (why did it end?)
- own up to your contribution in a break up... don't point fingers

There was plenty of good discussion and giggles during the session. Everyone's got an opinion on love and relationships. Some people were seeking answers. Others were seeking love. Others wished their friends in relationships with jerks were in attendance. One girl asked if it was healthy to live with someone she had broken up with and what she should do... the answer was a resounding NO and RUN! She replied with a cute "Ok, so is anyone here renting a room?". hehe.

Check out the website. A new theme is explored the last Friday of every month! Many thanks to the friend who recommended this session to me and to my other friend for attending it with me.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Dating Detox

Happy New Year!

I was watching Oprah last week and there was a 41 year old single woman on the show struggling to find a date. I'd be lying if I said my first reaction wasn't OHMYGOD, that could be me in...10 years! In any case, The Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger gave her some helpful tips such as her Top 10 Things Not to Talk About on a First Date as well as 11 Commandments of Dating for Women.

In Chapter 1 of her book, Patti talks about Dating Detox... she advises you to not even think about going on a date and take time to figure out what it is that you're looking for. I think that's where I'm at right now. I've deleted my online dating profile because it just wasn't working for me. Not to say that I won't try another site in the future, just not right now.