Tuesday, December 23, 2014

i'm back...also, Mike.

Well, I'm back. After a 3.5 year relationship, I decided to call it quits. I will spare you the details as they are personal, but the important (but scary) news is that I'm single and back on the market! My relationship felt over before it was really done, so I felt remarkably ready to tackle the online dating world shortly post breakup. To some, maybe it was too soon. It felt strange to create profiles again and select pictures... and then see some familiar faces. After a few exchanges here and there, I was bummed that there were no real prospects. And then Mike contacted me...

MIKE
He didn't have a photo on his profile, but shared two pics with me. Granted, they were awkward guy bathroom selfies, but I got the idea. After reading his profile, my first thoughts were - this guy is a catch! I'd better snatch him up before anyone else. Mike had contacted me saying that he was busy reading my profile while cooking dinner and as a result, had burned it. I owed him a meal. I thought that was cute, and got the ball rolling for quick conversation back and forth. He then gave me his cell phone number which turned into several daily text messages. Every time I looked at my phone, it seemed that I had some sort of contact with Mike (not in a bad way). This is exciting!

We decided to meet up at the Pump for a drink. I don't think I've EVER been so nervous for a date. EVER. I think I had just been out of the game for 4 years and had blocked out how to date. When we met, Mike was much cuter in person than his photos which is always a nice surprise. M is 35, tall, cute, an engineer with a masters degree, owns a house, originally from Ottawa (very rare to find)/close with family and funny. I had this in the bag. Our first date was good, but short, and I walked away unsure of how it went. When I texted him, he said that I was hard to read and that he wasn't sure if I was into him or not. I was!

In the beginning, Mike would often joke when I said I was meeting up with friends that I was going on a date with someone else. It kind of bugged me, this insecurity. Truthfully, I would have, if there had been other prospects (although I'm terrible at dating more than one person at a time)... but after a few dates, M had my full attention. It's funny: M questioned whether or not I was into him and then the roles kind of flipped and I was left wondering the same about him. His texts slowly started to drop off... he was busy, he would tell me. True, it is xmastime, but I'm sorry, if you are REALLY into someone, no matter how 'busy' you are, you make time for that person. It literally takes one second to send a quick text message to let the other person know that you haven't forgotten about them. Maybe that should have been a red flag... I also felt like I was putting in more effort to get together, so it was nice by the third or fourth date that M asked when he could see me next. Whenever we were together, it was great. I really enjoyed his company and felt like I had his undivided attention. It's when we weren't together that he would just disappear... and by date three, Mike would just come over to my place. He never seemed interested in going out anywhere or doing something active (I'm realizing this is very important to me).

Most recently, I asked if he wanted to get together on Sunday and he asked what time (I took this to mean that he would have some free time to get together). I then suggested that I come to him (you can learn a lot about someone by seeing where they live) and I could tell he was NOT into the idea. He said it was too far for me (Hull) and that there is just nothing to do there (no cable). Suspicious, right? Like what is he hiding over there. But, I decided to just forget about it for now and not let it bother me even though it was super weird. By Sunday, I was left unsure of whether or not we were actually getting together (this happened a lot), so I texted him in the afternoon to find out and said that if we weren't, I would go ahead and make other plans. As a planner, it was killing me. And that's when Mike ghosted. Just disappeared. Who does that? What grown man doesn't at least have the decency to say that he's not feeling it or that he's met someone else? Mike, that's who.

Clearly I dodged a bullet, but I was bummed because I got all excited after five dates with Mike that perhaps this could lead to something promising. And as a woman, you are always left thinking 'What did I do wrong?', which is so brutal. I've decided to just enjoy my xmas vacation and focus on myself for the next few weeks. I forgot how exhausting online dating is... and how much weeding you have to do!

Happy Holidays!
j.