Monday, February 23, 2015

Jeffrey

Jeffrey was another OkCupid find. He works in the hospitality industry and I love hospitality, so why not? We ended up texting a bit before deciding to meet. We'd discussed our neighbourhoods and when choosing a place he thoughtfully chose somewhere near me (love when guys do this). I got there first because I am always early and was pleasantly surprised when he walked in. He was actually the height he listed on his profile and he looked better than his pictures! 

As always, the conversation takes a bit to get started but I don't mind asking questions...at first. I feel like I try really hard to offer natural points for the other person to ask me questions but this guy was just not taking the hint. I told my friends later I felt like the prosecution at a trial. I'd ask where he was from -- didn't ask where I was from. I mentioned I'd gone on a long trip a few years ago -- he didn't ask where/when/why. It got to the point that I decided to just stop asking questions, and we sat in silence for a bit. I thought to myself "maybe he just isn't into me" which, fine, we're nearing the end of the date anyways. He offered to pay but suggested I could cover the tip. Works for me. 

We walked back towards the subway together. We hugged goodbye and I figured that was it. He texted me once he'd gotten home. I know I read way too much into people's written communication, but he said it had been, and I'm quoting, "a pleasure talking to [me]. Let's talk soon."

For whatever reason, I texted him a few days after and again, I asked all the questions. The next day he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink that same night. I told him that I had trivia that night and he said "oh, right, Tuesdays!" So he'd really was listening?! Who would have thought. Anyways, stay tuned on this one. 

Friday, February 20, 2015

Ahmed

Hey all...I'm back too! I had some weird dating experiences last year that I didn't write about, but I'll start with what's fresh. 

I had been on Tinder for a while because I DETEST writing a profile about myself. Dudes on Tinder, however, are even flakier than on regular online dating so I deleted that app late last year and re-joined OkCupid.

I got a random message from a guy whose profile contains what are normally two red flags for me: No face pictures, and an insistence that he's looking for something casual as opposed to a girlfriend. However, the profile was very well-written and seemed thought out, so I figured why not reply?

Our online chats were good but it got to a point where I had to know what he looked like. I gave him my number and asked if he could text me a picture. I don't know what's wrong with me but I had decided that he was probably SO GOOD LOOKING that it was a problem to put his pic online. I literally imagined him as a real life Archer

Suffice it to say, he was normal looking, but no Archer. Not a problem in any way. Chemistry is a bigger deal for me than how someone looks. He said "this is your get out of jail free card!" but I did still want to meet up. Also, contrary to what his profile would have me believe, the dude texted me like 25 times a day. 

We ended up meeting near him, which meant me trekking east on the coldest day of the year here. When he found out I was taking the bus, he suggested I get off at a stop that was near him and we'd walk together. I got off the bus: No one waiting for me. I had no idea which direction he was coming from but eventually figured out who he was because we were both the only people looking around like we were looking for someone! Bear in mind I was also bundled up to the point where you could only see my eyes. 

The conversation felt a bit stilted but then again we were meeting for the first time. It felt like it flowed a bit more over text. I hate awkward silences so I am always trying to fill them. Over a few drinks and dinner at the pub it didn't feel like it was flowing any better. We just didn't seem to have a lot in common, interests-wise or elsewhere. 

Also, and I hate mentioning this, but he was exactly my height (5'6"). I try not to let this bug me, and maybe if everything else were going right, it wouldn't be such an issue. 

At one point during dinner, he asked me if I was a red wine or white wine person. I said red (and was drinking red at the time). He was like "well I think I have some back at my place..." Um...what??! I am definitely not going over to your place tonight.

Anyways, after dinner was over he walked me back to the bus stop. He texted later that night to say he'd had a good time and to make sure I had gotten home ok. He started texting me again the next morning at 7:45. Normally I would love that, but I knew I wasn't into him. I forced myself to be mature and let him know that I was feeling more of a friend vibe (I have been the victim of the fadeaway too often and know how harsh that is). He accepted it very well, and chalked it up to the nature of dating, but let me know that he was definitely looking for a romantic connection and not a friendship. 

Monday, February 9, 2015

Update & General Frustrations with the Online Dating World

BEN (UPDATE): We ended up going on a second date a few days later and went skating on the canal. I definitely got more of a friend vibe. There wasn't much romance going on, especially when (yet again) he didn't pay for my drink post-skating. There were many other red flags too. Ah well, I gave it a shot!

Sadly, I am left with no prospects. But I AM looking forward to escaping this cold and heading down south very soon! Will be good to come back feeling refreshed.

In the meantime... I just want to put it out there that I don't think I'm being unreasonable in the following ways:
- I think it's more than reasonable to expect a guy to get back to me within a 24-48hr timeframe (emphasis on 24hr), unless he is obviously out of the country or busy with something. What's up with these dudes who follow up DAYS later to a simple text? It literally takes two seconds. Are they too busy to date?
- I want to feel special. At least a little bit. Especially on a first date! So please, do me a favour and at least offer to pay for my drinks/dinner. Huge turn off if you don't and I know you've got the cash with that great job you've got. Pick me up, walk me home OR make sure I got home safely after a night date. Your concern means a lot to us ladies. It shows that you care.
- I'm tired of excuses like "oh, i lost my phone for a week and a half" or "sorry, my cell phone signal is really weak at my place". Seriously? Do you think I'm that dumb? Meanwhile, I can SEE that you are online.
- PLAN. A. DATE. Don't put it all on me to chase after you every time you want to meet up. Hell, you don't even have to plan it. But at least pick a day and time you want to see me (preferably not the day of). I remember asking Robert mid-week if he wanted to get together on the weekend and it was "too soon" to commit to plans (aka he clearly was waiting for something better to come up, at least that's what it felt like).
- Show that you're interested. Don't follow the three day rule. Or hey, if you're NOT interested, don't pretend to be. That is the worst. I'm a big girl and can take it.
- Invite me over to your place (but not on the first date). The second that you are always coming over to mine, red flags start to go off. What are you hiding over there... a gf? Wife? Drugs? Dead bodies?

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Ben

i first met Ben four years ago at a mutual friend's house party. at the time, i had a boyfriend... but i did remember that Ben stood out to me and that i felt a connection with him. after the party, we added each other to facebook and i saw him at said friend's parties over the years. he even invited me to his bday party last year, but i couldn't go.

well, a few weeks ago our (very gay) friend had his birthday party and Ben was there. we didn't really get to chat much at the party, but we stood beside each other for most of the night. at the end of the night, the troops headed out to the gay bar and it wasn't until i got there that i noticed Ben must have gone home. i decided to send him a facebook message saying that i was sorry i didn't get to say good-bye to him (or talk to him at all, for that matter!) and hoped he had fun at the party. he responded rather quickly and said that we should catch up sometime. i agreed. he suggested wed night but i had a busy week, so we postponed our meet up by a week and aimed for a fri night.

i'm going to be honest... while i didn't think Ben was gay (and had been told by our mutual friend that he is straight), i couldn't help but wonder what straight man hangs out with so many gay men and watches Rupaul's Drag Race. was this a red flag? is he just very comfortable with his sexuality? as i've said before, it's important that the person i date be ok with the gays because they are such a huge part of my life and i love them dearly!

the day of our date (or is it a meet up?), i still had no idea what we would be doing or a time/location (this seems to be a theme among dudes). finally, Ben texted me in the afternoon and suggested a time/location at a pub, and then also suggested hitting up Timekode/DJ night at Winterlude. i liked that he was taking charge! he texted me again later to say that he was free to meet up earlier if i wanted, but i was just heading home from the gym after a training course so wasn't sure if i could make it in time. funny, i then bumped into Ben on my walk home and said i had just texted him. i also wanted to find out if he would be eating dinner at the pub or not (he said yes). that eliminated some time for me in getting ready. now what to wear to a pub-slash-outdoor event?! layers.

we met up at the pub and in a lot of ways, it was really nice to not feel nervous about wondering what he's going to look like, etc. the conversation flowed quite easily. i discovered that he works for PCO, originates from Calgary, but went to school in Vancouver and then moved to Ottawa for the job. his mom/sister still live in Calgary, but his brother is in Vancouver. no mention of his Dad... i also still don't know how old Ben is, but assuming/hoping he's in his 30s! he rents an apt on his own near where i live . he is also quite active in jiu jitsu so he talked about that in length.. to the point where i had flashbacks to Lukas discussing golf (who I forgot to blog about, oops), but fortunately, Ben caught himself and opted to talk about something "more interesting". i did feel like Ben didn't really ask me much about myself, but i started to get the impression that maybe he was a little bit nervous. we ordered burgers and salad and had a few beers and then decided it was best to head to Winterlude. the moment of truth! the bill arrived and he did not offer to pay :(

it was really fun checking out the ice sculptures at Winterlude. and the DJ event was neat too! great music. Ottawa can be kind of pathetic sometimes though... the crowd was very small. Ben started dancing which was funny... i felt like i needed many more drinks before i could feel comfortable dancing in front of a (small) crowd, but i did it. the event was short-lived. i think we were there for a good 20 minutes and then it shut down promptly at 10pm (lame!). Ben went in for the kiss and held my hand as we walked to a pub on Elgin for one last drink (again, he did not pay!). there was an awkward moment in the pub when a girl came over to Ben to "say hi". the look on his face said it all - definitely his ex gf, and she was sitting two tables over from us. things got a bit awkward after that; i felt like he got quiet. apparently they split about 8 months ago and were together for over a year. in any case, i'm sure it would be awkward for me too if my ex was within earshot of my date. we hopped in a cab (he paid!) and called it a night.

i had a lot of fun on the date, it felt comfortable and easy and there is chemistry between us. we'll see where it goes/if i hear from him again. we did briefly talk about maybe going skating on sunday as well as attending a beer festival next weekend.