Friday, July 17, 2015

the italian

Pietro should probably win an award for his dating profile. definitely the most detailed, well thought out, hilarious profile I have read in a long time. he contacted me first and shortly thereafter, asked me out for drinks. I accepted.

again, I knew very little about him, except that he worked on the hill (later discovered he meant worked for the embassy) and had arrived in Ottawa from Rome about 1.5 months ago. he is 33 yrs old, 6 feet, athletic and we shared some of the same interests. what's up with dudes not being good texters? there were still quite a few days between when we had agreed to meet up and when the actual date took place. when I didn't hear from him, I decided to check in on date day to make sure the date was still a go. it was!

he suggested Luxe (fancy!) around 6pm. I got there first and pulled up a seat at the bar since the patio was full. in walks Pietro... pink dress shirt, sunglasses, dress pants, blazer, sneakers and a MURSE. ok, ok, I will let it slide. he is European after all. as it turns out, his mom is French and his dad is Italian. Pietro was born in jersey and lived there until he was 12 before moving to Rome (which is where all of his family currently resides). so he had this weird accent, not Italian... more American/southern? he's on an interchange here in Ottawa for a few years and is still discovering the city.

as many of you know, I have a lot of gay male friends. put it this way: I have good gaydar. this guy is clearly gay. no, not European... gay. and yet, he was very touchy feely and would use any excuse he could to touch my arm, etc. this made things super confusing. good lord, some dudes are clueless! I felt like I was back in junior high when guys would make fun of you if they liked you. listen, if there are free snacks on the bar and it's dinner time, i'm definitely going to be eating them. well, Pietro made some comment about how I sure seemed hungry eating all of the snacks... and then started to go on about how I shouldn't have too many because no one likes a fatty (trying to be funny). not funny. I promptly moved the bowl of snacks away from me. he also kept insinuating that I had glanced at his crotch (I hadn't), and that it's too bad I was wearing a scarf so that he couldn't check out my cleavage. all of this legit happened.

my body language suggested I was NOT interested. at one point I caught myself crossing my arms and legs. Pietro didn't pick up on any of that. toward the end of the date, he stood up beside me and was running his hand down my back/butt/leg area. seriously?! I had to get the eff out of there. maybe the aggressiveness is cultural. but I still feel like guys should pick up on a woman's body language, no?

we each had two drinks and then he wanted a third and said it was rude if he drank alone. I let him drink alone. after about an hour and 45 min date, we called it a night and he paid for the bill while I was in the bathroom (I timed it on purpose). so at least that was nice.

in the end, I don't think we really did have that much in common. he's not a morning person. he hates camping (and sent me the link to a sleeping cot for a tent - "why would you sleep on the ground??"). this is going to sound mean, but I need a MAN. like a real guy's guy. someone who's into sportsing, home renos, beers with the guys, likes the outdoors, etc. Pietro does not fit the bill.

you know, I had flashes of making this guy my GBF, but he blew it when he got creepy/super pretentious.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Blair

after a while, you recognize all of the same faces on pof. I tend to search by "new" all of the time to see if any fresh blood has decided to bite the bullet and join. there's also a section called "ultra match/top prospect", and sometimes new faces magically appear there... although I'm not exactly sure what makes them my super match. in any case, Blair popped up unexpectedly somehow in one of my searches. how could I have let one sneak by me? ha.

we messaged back and forth for a day or two and then decided to meet up. I would be his first online dating experience! the pressure. I didn't know much about Blair except that he's 35, 6'2", lives in Stittsville and is a manager at a grocery store. I admit it, I judged him a little bit based on his career.. buuuut my Dad claims he must make good money (really?). I got the impression he puts in some long days. I also knew that he had recently completed the Spartan Race and loved it (something I have done as well), and was at the same football game as me on the weekend. Oh, and he had a really cute pup who recently passed away, but is thinking of getting another one. He had also been split with his ex for about the same period of time and they were together for 2.5 years.

I was trying to think of a pub downtown that he could get to easily right off the highway. I gave him a few choices and he settled on Pub Italia since he hadn't been there in a while. He asked how this worked - was he to pick me up? I told him he was sweet to offer (bonus points!), but that I would be riding my bike over to meet him. I could tell that he felt a bit weirded out by online dating. He had been on for 3 or 4 months just perusing profiles mostly.

our date went really well! we seem to have a lot in common... for example, we both have cottages on the same lake! well, his parents recently sold theirs, but he's interested in co-owning one with a buddy of his because he loves the spot so much. we are both Cancers (he just had a bday, so technically I guess that makes him two years younger than me). our exes were very similar in a lot of ways. we enjoy the same activities/spots in Ottawa (both originally from here). he has a great social circle of friends (most of whom he's known forever). we even like some of the same TV shows! Blair seems really kind and patient. he is managing a store out in Arnprior and has 200 employees to keep track of. while he enjoys his job, it sounds like he's looking for a change. he puts in long hours, but gets four weeks vacation each year. he bought a house with a friend of his. he also mentioned that he volunteered at the mission for two years and says he misses being downtown (he also used to live on the same street as me).

we ended up chatting for about 3 hours before calling it a night. the conversation flowed really easily and I felt very comfortable with him. Blair didn't offer to pay for my drinks (minus bonus points), but I kind of chalk it up to the fact that he doesn't really know how dating works?! lousy excuse, but for some reason, it didn't bother me as much as when other dudes didn't offer to pay. Blair is not the best at texting, and yet I can see that he is online a lot, which is annoying but in the words of my love guru, Kiki: be patient and keep crazy in the bottle. something I clearly need to work on. he did make it seem like he was also interested in meeting up again, but who knows. fingers crossed!

UPDATE: I asked Blair out on a second date and he told me that i'm not "the one". excuse me? we had been on ONE date. The bottom line is that he was new to online dating and was waiting for the next best thing to come along...it just bummed me out because I felt like we had a real connection.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Jamie

I liked that Jamie took the initiative to contact me. A lot can be said for that... I just did a quick check and I've contacted 8 dudes in the past few weeks on pof with zero responses! After a lot of texting back and forth, Jamie seemed really sweet and attentive.

Jamie is 6'1", 41 years old and separated from his wife (after 11 years of marriage), who has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship. Jamie basically helped raised the daughter and still wants to be a part of her life. I learned that his wife had cheated on him, multiple times. And yet, Jamie seemed to have a really positive outlook on life and felt like the right woman was out there for him somewhere and that he had a lot to offer to a relationship.

After about a week of chatting (including an actual phone call!), Jamie suggested we meet up on Sunday afternoon for a bike ride. What a great idea, I thought! All I've ever wanted is to find someone who wants to go for bike rides with me (seriously). It seems so simple, but it quite literally might be the best date idea ever. We met up at Dow's Lake and I spotted him right away. Immediately, I was a bit disappointed as I felt he looked quite different from some of the photos he had posted. I knew right away that I wasn't going to be interested/not physically attracted to him, but the great thing about a bike date is that at least I got my exercise in for the day! It was a beautiful day outside, so we rode side-by-side and chatted for about 1.5 hrs.

I felt like Jamie told me some sketchy stories that you probably shouldn't tell someone on a first date. One involved how he got fired from his previous job (he's in the car sales business). He talked about his ex-wife (although still refers to her as his 'wife') A LOT.  Due to the nature of his job (commission-based), he barely got any time off work and didn't exactly seem like a world traveler. It reminded me of my ex and his job...something I am now trying to avoid in a future partner! Jamie is a country boy and I'm a city girl. I also got the impression that he is looking for more of a friendship than a relationship. It must be hard to get back into the dating world after being married for 11 years!

After our bike ride, Jamie asked if I would like to go for a drink on the patio, but I said I needed to get going as I had a lot of errands to run (I lied). I'm trying to get better at not wasting my time (or his) if I don't feel a real connection with someone.