Jay

I met up with Jay on Easter Sunday after a weekend trip to visit friends in Toronto. We had been chatting for about a week on pof and that seemed to be the earliest we could get together. I was anxious to meet him as we instantly connected over text. He had asked me how pof was treating me and I explained that I was a bit discouraged and tempted to delete my profile (after the Kyle fiasco), but he urged me not to delete it! He seemed sweet.

Granted, while I was enthused to meet Jay, I was also exhausted from a girls weekend of eating and drinking. I literally cabbed home from the train station, showered, changed and headed out the door without eating dinner. In hindsight, I probably wasn't in the right headspace to be going on a date.

Jay is handsome, funny and very polite. The conversation flowed easily, although I think he may have been nervous because on several occasions, he seemed to lose his train of thought. Jay is one year younger than me, about the same height, owns a house in Gatineau with his dog Cash and works for Passport Canada during the day and then also works at Birks on evenings/weekends (a side job he intended to give up, but actually enjoys). I was struck by his 9+ yr relationship on pof so asked him about that. He had dated a girl from age 18-27 and was engaged to be married, but three months before the wedding, he called it off (she cheated). I like that Jay is looking for a serious relationship and wants to start his own family in the near future.

I felt a bit jaded on my date.  The truth is, my walls are up. I'm so worried about being disappointed time and time again. I sat there wondering if Jay was into me, but perhaps he was wondering the same about me! After a few hours of chatting over beer and nachos, Jay suggested he grab the bill because he had to head home to let his dog out (he had been in Greely for Easter dinner in the afternoon and came straight to the pub for our date). He offered to give me a ride home, which was very sweet, but I declined. And then he just kind of started to walk toward the parking lot and said goodbye and told me to let him know if he wanted to do it again sometime. No hug?! That was new to me and really kind of threw me for a loop.

When I got home, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a text from Jay asking if I had made it home safely. He then asked if I would like to go out again (but no stress either way). I said sure! We have plans to meet up again on Friday night. I am looking forward to getting to know him in a better headspace with an open mind and heart.

UPDATE: Mike
I randomly received a text on the train home from Toronto from a deleted phone number. It just said "Happy Easter". I was bored, so decided to respond and that got the ball rolling. At one point, the unknown texter sent me a photo of himself as a child (random?!) and that's when it dawned on me that it was Mike (he looks exactly the same). I told him I thought I had advised him to pls lose my number. Obviously, he hadn't. I don't get guys like Mike... the occasional texter with no promise/follow up of a date. It doesn't make sense to me. After a few texts back and forth for a day, I deleted his number again and haven't heard from him since! So bizarre.

UPDATE: Kyle
For those of you who are curious, yep, Kyle was on my train to Toronto... even in the same car as me! I had looked up when we stopped in Fallowfield and saw the side of his profile at the front of the train and promptly hid. I just assumed he was sitting at the front, but then it later dawned on me that his 6 year old daughter was the misbehaved brat running up and down the train aisle the ENTIRE ride, and that he must be sitting behind me. As the train slowed down to a stop, he made a beeline for the front of the train to make their connection to London. As Kyle was walking by me, I elbowed him in the butt accidentally as I went to put on my jacket. I was terrified he would turn around, but he didn't. Pfew. Dodged a bullet!

Kyle

I remember stumbling upon Kyle's profile ages ago, but when I spotted that he was divorced and had a daughter, I quickly retreated. So when Kyle contacted me recently, I decided to give him a shot. His profile really spoke to me and I liked that he knew exactly what he wanted in life. He seemed like a great dad and wanted more kids. I needed to be more open minded, I thought.

We texted back and forth quite a bit for the week where he had his daughter. He worked downtown for DND... as it turned out, only about two blocks away from me. But he lives in Stittsville. He had asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee on Friday, but then practically every day beforehand would ask me if I was free to meet up. I could tell he was anxious to meet me, so I thought that was cute. Unfortunately, it never worked out to meet up ahead of time, so I told him that I looked forward to meeting him on Friday.

Probably my earliest date ever! We met up at Starbucks at 7:30am. Just before I left, he sent me a text with a bunch of questions... "How devoted are you to your partner?", "Are you an affectionate person?", "If you ex called you up, what would you do?". Where was all of this coming from?! I started to worry he would be a weirdo. I called him out on it and he said he just asked, because he'd had some bad experiences meeting women online. So far, they had all been deceitful and selfish. Great. I explained that maybe I could answer his questions AFTER we had met.

Fortunately, in person, Kyle wasn't quite as intense. A good looking guy, tall, well dressed. We chatted easily for an hour and the conversation flowed very nicely. He possesses a lot of qualities I'm looking for in a guy. After we left, Kyle texted to ask if I was free to meet up for a quick drink after work. Sure, why not! Two dates in ONE day? This was unheard of. We met up at Darcy's after work and again, had a very enjoyable conversation and shared lots of laughs.

He shared with me that he had been cheated on numerous times and was very sensitive about it. Understandable, I thought. Poor guy. He said that quite often the women he dated would wind up going back to their ex. Kyle seemed a bit insecure, but it seemed understandable given the circumstances. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling/worry that he might be the jealous type.

We agreed to meet up on Sunday for another date. I didn't hear from him on Saturday which was strange, so I bit the bullet and texted him. He replied saying that he was having a crappy weekend and was feeling down... oh no, is he depressed?! Did I do something wrong? He wouldn't go into detail, but asked if he could get through the day before deciding about tomorrow. Sure...

Flash forward to Sunday. By 11:30am, I texted him to ask how he was feeling. I needed to plan my day! Were we getting together or not? Kyle didn't respond until 5pm asking how my day was going and that he was still feeling a bit "off". I called him out. I was so mad!

The problem with online dating is that you can see when the other person is online...  this messes with your head. A lot. Well, I guess it messed with Kyle's. He said that it upset him to see that I was online on Saturday (meanwhile, I was only online to see if he was online!)... that he can't compete with other dudes (even though there is no one else for him to compete with!)... that online dating just isn't for him. He had also made some comment about how the right woman for him wouldn't hesitate with answering his questions. I explained that I had no problem answering questions, but that it had caught me off guard before even meeting him. I knew there had to be more to it. As it turns out, he has decided to give a female friend of his a shot... she would like to be more than just friends. He is opting to go that route because it's "easy" and "comfortable" and that way, he can skip the whole getting-to-know-you part. Desperate/settling much?

I texted him back saying that it was his loss; that he wasn't even going to give me a chance, despite me feeling really excited to get to know him better. He agreed that he thought we had really hit it off, but couldn't possibly put himself through more rejection. He was going to be the selfish one for once.

So in the end, I dodged yet another bullet! But this guy really did a number on me. I was so discouraged yesterday that I had thoughts of deleting my profile. I think I need to take another break from it, at least for a little bit. It really messes with one's head. It sucks when you walk away thinking that you must have done something wrong, when clearly you didn't.

Sidenote: Coincidentally, we are both taking the same train this Friday for Easter weekend. He is taking his daughter to London to visit family, and I am headed to TO to visit a gf. Fingers crossed I don't bump into him!

UPDATE: John
Not much to report here. I had a second date with him on Tuesday that went really well, but have barely heard from him since (and can see that he's on Tinder ALL of the time). I decided to unmatch myself from him and delete his phone number. Realistically, I didn't see how dating him would work. He lives so far away and I would never be able to see him on the weekend because of work/his daughter. Also, I was unimpressed when he dropped a bomb that he also had a 17 year old son AND that he had been fixed so wouldn't be having any more kids. I got the impression he was more interested in a hook-up, than a relationship. Not quite what I'm looking for. NEXT!

I received a mysterious text message a few days later and it turned out to be John. I broke the news to him that I get the impression we are both looking for different things. His response? "ok". Obviously we were on the same page. Wow, that was easy.

UPDATE: Kyle
I can see that he's still online all of the time!!! So maybe there was no "female friend" after all? Who knows.

John

John and I had been chatting on Tinder for a few weeks before meeting up at a pub near me. I texted him that I was en route but had to stop at the bank first, to which he responded "Good, it's your turn to buy drinks", so I knew he had a good sense of humour if nothing else.

John is 40 years old, tall (6 feet), divorced and has an 11 year old daughter. He has an interesting job as a prison guard at Kingston Penn and lives in Spencerville which is about 45 mins away. His daughter is in Kanata though, so he said he's "in town" usually 3-4 times a week. To be honest, when he first walked into the pub, I didn't recognize him at first. He looked a bit different from his photos, but in a good way! He said the same about me. He is definitely a good looking guy and looks like he's in great shape. I noticed right away that he has a pretty thick Newfoundland accent (where he's originally from). John seemed really interested in getting to know me and asked me lots of questions about myself - where do I work, what do I do for fun in my spare time, etc. We seem to have quite a bit in common and I like that he enjoys being active as well. He doesn't really know the Ottawa area very well so said he would love to go snowshoeing in Gatineau Park sometime. He loves to cook, travel and enjoys drinking wine.

It is also a good sign that he seems like a really good Dad to his daughter and has a good relationship with his ex, which must make things easier. I'm not 100% sure of the reason for the split or what the custody arrangement is like, but I think he sees his daughter on the weekends. His ex is a dancer and owns her own studio (of course I had to put my creeper skills to the test and search for her... she's gorgeous). I never thought I would date someone who is divorced or has a child, but I'm trying to keep an open mind, have fun and see where it goes.

His job is definitely a scary one, but he seems to be good at it and says it pays well. Still, it involves some shift work but he also gets quite a bit of time off. He was in the military before becoming a guard.

I am excited to show him the city - he said he'd get in touch with me after March Break!

Pat

I started chatting with Pat on pof while I was on vacation in Florida visiting my parents. A good friend of mine commented on how she loved how I was busy lining up dates while on vacay... priorities, people! Ha. We decided to meet the day after I returned. I really didn't know too much about Pat except that he was 42 (older!), and a special education teacher originally from Ottawa.

Initially, we were supposed to meet up at a pub in the market at 8pm but then Pat changed the location to the Pump on Elgin an hour earlier. Easier for me to walk to, I thought. As I headed to the Pump, I texted Pat to ask him how I would find him inside. He responded with the EXACT text I had sent him earlier about running errands after work. It didn't make sense, so I naturally responded with a "?" text. He then called (who calls anymore?!), so I picked up. He explained that the text was meant for his friend and that he was already inside (so was I). He described where he was sitting and I made my way to him. I should point out that his pictures were somewhat blurry online... a potential red flag. He looked like his photos, but definitely appeared older in person. Still, not a bad looking guy. Pat had already ordered himself a beer and made some comment about how he didn't know if I would be showing up (aside: even though I was on time!?).

We chatted for a good three hours and the conversation flowed easily. A few strange things happened though:

1- his phone was blowing UP. and it was out on the table. at one point he "joked" (at least I hope it was a joke) that he should check to see if he had received any  new pof messages.
2- the time/location change for the meetup was explained... his buddy works at the police station across the street, so if the date hadn't worked out, he planned to meet up with him for a drink later. ummm thanks, maybe don't tell me that?
3- he asked if I had ever been married/had kids. when I turned it around on him, he explained that he had been married before. I couldn't help but feel slightly duped and wondered why he doesn't mark himself down as "divorced" on his pof profile...although, I guess he was being upfront about it on date #1.
4- there were a few times where he was clearly flirting with our waitress, which was awkward for me to watch.
5- he also told me about how he had been on a date (second date) with a woman the night before our date...

I was (and still am) intrigued by his job. He works with cognitive disordered adolescents who are court ordered to the Robert Smart Centre. He's worked with children in the Oncology dept at CHEO. Any guy that goes into that kind of work must be compassionate, I thought. He seems to love it too, which is refreshing. By age 42, I was keeping my fingers crossed that this guy would have his sh$t together, and it seems like he does... owns a house in Orleans, owns a cottage, good group of friends, good job, loves kids, etc.

After Pat paid for the bill, he got up to put on his jacket and that was the first time I was seeing his body. He definitely was not as athletic as he made himself out to be on pof. As we parted ways, I went in for the hug and then Pat ASKED me for a "little kiss", which even as I type that out, sounds hella creepy. Guys: just go in for the kiss. It's a huge turn-off to ask for one. I was obviously put on the spot and didn't want to, but I gave him a quick peck on the lips and then called it a night. I heard from him later that night saying that he had had a great time and to let him know when I'd like to do it again. He also texted me the next night saying that he was going to be headed out of town to a friend's cottage where there would be no reception, but that we should chat on Sunday. This would be sweet if I were into him, but I just told him to have fun. I did not hear from him on Sunday. In fact, I just heard from him yesterday on Wed.

I need to pay closer attention to my gut, and my gut is telling me that I'm not physically attracted to him.

Jeffrey

Jeffrey was another OkCupid find. He works in the hospitality industry and I love hospitality, so why not? We ended up texting a bit before deciding to meet. We'd discussed our neighbourhoods and when choosing a place he thoughtfully chose somewhere near me (love when guys do this). I got there first because I am always early and was pleasantly surprised when he walked in. He was actually the height he listed on his profile and he looked better than his pictures! 

As always, the conversation takes a bit to get started but I don't mind asking questions...at first. I feel like I try really hard to offer natural points for the other person to ask me questions but this guy was just not taking the hint. I told my friends later I felt like the prosecution at a trial. I'd ask where he was from -- didn't ask where I was from. I mentioned I'd gone on a long trip a few years ago -- he didn't ask where/when/why. It got to the point that I decided to just stop asking questions, and we sat in silence for a bit. I thought to myself "maybe he just isn't into me" which, fine, we're nearing the end of the date anyways. He offered to pay but suggested I could cover the tip. Works for me. 

We walked back towards the subway together. We hugged goodbye and I figured that was it. He texted me once he'd gotten home. I know I read way too much into people's written communication, but he said it had been, and I'm quoting, "a pleasure talking to [me]. Let's talk soon."

For whatever reason, I texted him a few days after and again, I asked all the questions. The next day he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink that same night. I told him that I had trivia that night and he said "oh, right, Tuesdays!" So he'd really was listening?! Who would have thought. Anyways, stay tuned on this one. 

Ahmed

Hey all...I'm back too! I had some weird dating experiences last year that I didn't write about, but I'll start with what's fresh. 

I had been on Tinder for a while because I DETEST writing a profile about myself. Dudes on Tinder, however, are even flakier than on regular online dating so I deleted that app late last year and re-joined OkCupid.

I got a random message from a guy whose profile contains what are normally two red flags for me: No face pictures, and an insistence that he's looking for something casual as opposed to a girlfriend. However, the profile was very well-written and seemed thought out, so I figured why not reply?

Our online chats were good but it got to a point where I had to know what he looked like. I gave him my number and asked if he could text me a picture. I don't know what's wrong with me but I had decided that he was probably SO GOOD LOOKING that it was a problem to put his pic online. I literally imagined him as a real life Archer. 

Suffice it to say, he was normal looking, but no Archer. Not a problem in any way. Chemistry is a bigger deal for me than how someone looks. He said "this is your get out of jail free card!" but I did still want to meet up. Also, contrary to what his profile would have me believe, the dude texted me like 25 times a day. 

We ended up meeting near him, which meant me trekking east on the coldest day of the year here. When he found out I was taking the bus, he suggested I get off at a stop that was near him and we'd walk together. I got off the bus: No one waiting for me. I had no idea which direction he was coming from but eventually figured out who he was because we were both the only people looking around like we were looking for someone! Bear in mind I was also bundled up to the point where you could only see my eyes. 

The conversation felt a bit stilted but then again we were meeting for the first time. It felt like it flowed a bit more over text. I hate awkward silences so I am always trying to fill them. Over a few drinks and dinner at the pub it didn't feel like it was flowing any better. We just didn't seem to have a lot in common, interests-wise or elsewhere. 

Also, and I hate mentioning this, but he was exactly my height (5'6"). I try not to let this bug me, and maybe if everything else were going right, it wouldn't be such an issue. 

At one point during dinner, he asked me if I was a red wine or white wine person. I said red (and was drinking red at the time). He was like "well I think I have some back at my place..." Um...what??! I am definitely not going over to your place tonight.

Anyways, after dinner was over he walked me back to the bus stop. He texted later that night to say he'd had a good time and to make sure I had gotten home ok. He started texting me again the next morning at 7:45. Normally I would love that, but I knew I wasn't into him. I forced myself to be mature and let him know that I was feeling more of a friend vibe (I have been the victim of the fadeaway too often and know how harsh that is). He accepted it very well, and chalked it up to the nature of dating, but let me know that he was definitely looking for a romantic connection and not a friendship. 

Update & General Frustrations with the Online Dating World

BEN (UPDATE): We ended up going on a second date a few days later and went skating on the canal. I definitely got more of a friend vibe. There wasn't much romance going on, especially when (yet again) he didn't pay for my drink post-skating. There were many other red flags too. Ah well, I gave it a shot!

Sadly, I am left with no prospects. But I AM looking forward to escaping this cold and heading down south very soon! Will be good to come back feeling refreshed.

In the meantime... I just want to put it out there that I don't think I'm being unreasonable in the following ways:
- I think it's more than reasonable to expect a guy to get back to me within a 24-48hr timeframe (emphasis on 24hr), unless he is obviously out of the country or busy with something. What's up with these dudes who follow up DAYS later to a simple text? It literally takes two seconds. Are they too busy to date?
- I want to feel special. At least a little bit. Especially on a first date! So please, do me a favour and at least offer to pay for my drinks/dinner. Huge turn off if you don't and I know you've got the cash with that great job you've got. Pick me up, walk me home OR make sure I got home safely after a night date. Your concern means a lot to us ladies. It shows that you care.
- I'm tired of excuses like "oh, i lost my phone for a week and a half" or "sorry, my cell phone signal is really weak at my place". Seriously? Do you think I'm that dumb? Meanwhile, I can SEE that you are online.
- PLAN. A. DATE. Don't put it all on me to chase after you every time you want to meet up. Hell, you don't even have to plan it. But at least pick a day and time you want to see me (preferably not the day of). I remember asking Robert mid-week if he wanted to get together on the weekend and it was "too soon" to commit to plans (aka he clearly was waiting for something better to come up, at least that's what it felt like).
- Show that you're interested. Don't follow the three day rule. Or hey, if you're NOT interested, don't pretend to be. That is the worst. I'm a big girl and can take it.
- Invite me over to your place (but not on the first date). The second that you are always coming over to mine, red flags start to go off. What are you hiding over there... a gf? Wife? Drugs? Dead bodies?