This is how I spent my Friday night. I attended a 2 hour lecture entitled "How to avoid marrying a jerk! (male or female)" put on by Healing Love Academy which is part of the Capital Choice Counselling Group at St Paul University. The Psychologist giving the talk was very interesting and entertaining....not to mention it was quite a big turnout which surprised me! Most of the things he spoke about are things that most of us already knew, but needed to be reminded of. Also, everyone agreed that it would be extremely beneficial if a mandatory class on love/communication was offered in Grade 6 (imagine?!). Topics included: the art of getting oneself ready for a relationship commitment, how to get to know a new date/partner, the five pieces of information that should make you RUN, and why we choose the lovers we do.
Notes:
- falling in love will not save you from jerks
- love and relationships are a lot of hard work
- in order to let go of your ex, you need to GRIEVE the loss of a love... 6-12 months of emotional celibacy is recommended
- the first step in building a healthy relationship is being the best person you can be
- examine the pros/cons of ex-partners... ask them what you need to work on
- when you are ready to be in a relationship, you need to make yourself available
- similarity and complimentarity is important and helps keep us together
- relationships first, chemistry second... for example: know, trust, rely and commit need to be established before touch (if this means talking instead of touching for 3 months, so be it!)
- your close family and friends are your "jury".... if they vote against your relationship, LISTEN
- the best way to get to know someone after dating for a few months is visiting his family and examining the way he treats them (we love the way we were TAUGHT to love)
- if he doesn't take you to visit his family/never calls his family = RED FLAG
- you have the right to know about his past relationships/issues (why did it end?)
- own up to your contribution in a break up... don't point fingers
There was plenty of good discussion and giggles during the session. Everyone's got an opinion on love and relationships. Some people were seeking answers. Others were seeking love. Others wished their friends in relationships with jerks were in attendance. One girl asked if it was healthy to live with someone she had broken up with and what she should do... the answer was a resounding NO and RUN! She replied with a cute "Ok, so is anyone here renting a room?". hehe.
Check out the website. A new theme is explored the last Friday of every month! Many thanks to the friend who recommended this session to me and to my other friend for attending it with me.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Dating Detox
Happy New Year!
I was watching Oprah last week and there was a 41 year old single woman on the show struggling to find a date. I'd be lying if I said my first reaction wasn't OHMYGOD, that could be me in...10 years! In any case, The Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger gave her some helpful tips such as her Top 10 Things Not to Talk About on a First Date as well as 11 Commandments of Dating for Women.
In Chapter 1 of her book, Patti talks about Dating Detox... she advises you to not even think about going on a date and take time to figure out what it is that you're looking for. I think that's where I'm at right now. I've deleted my online dating profile because it just wasn't working for me. Not to say that I won't try another site in the future, just not right now.
I was watching Oprah last week and there was a 41 year old single woman on the show struggling to find a date. I'd be lying if I said my first reaction wasn't OHMYGOD, that could be me in...10 years! In any case, The Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger gave her some helpful tips such as her Top 10 Things Not to Talk About on a First Date as well as 11 Commandments of Dating for Women.
In Chapter 1 of her book, Patti talks about Dating Detox... she advises you to not even think about going on a date and take time to figure out what it is that you're looking for. I think that's where I'm at right now. I've deleted my online dating profile because it just wasn't working for me. Not to say that I won't try another site in the future, just not right now.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Baby, It's Cold Outside
I was recently set up with this dude through mutual friends. We went out twice and neither time did he offer me a ride to/from our meeting spot. My date even commented on just how "cold out" it was, as I struggled to take off my many winter layers when I entered the restaurant. I thought that was weird, since he was driving and I'm clearly en route. I have guy friends who always make a point of making sure that I make it home safely or offer up transportation. It goes without saying. I'm a girl living downtown without a car. It's cold and dark out.
I'm looking for someone who is more of a gentleman about things like that.... not that I'm shallow enough to hold that one little thing against him, but it's a red flag. I may not even take him up on the offer, but at least he's OFFERED. And concerned for my safety. That's important to me.
I'm looking for someone who is more of a gentleman about things like that.... not that I'm shallow enough to hold that one little thing against him, but it's a red flag. I may not even take him up on the offer, but at least he's OFFERED. And concerned for my safety. That's important to me.
Friday, December 11, 2009
What's Your Story?
What are your interests? Tough one, huh. Imagine having to answer that question 14 times! Enter speed dating.
I decided to check out a speed dating event with a friend. As it turns out, two of her friends were going to the same event as us. The event was held in a small, martini bar in the market. The tables were set up very close to one another, so at times, it felt as though we were all on the same date. It worked out nicely for me though, because my friend was warming them up for me with her jokes!
This is going to sound mean, but an overwhelming observation I have been able to make over the past few years: the selection of male candidates doesn't seem on par with the quality of female candidates (how's that for being PC!). Most guys there were short (now I understand why a specific "tall men" speed dating event exists!) and kinda nerdy. I would say that 95% of them were in the IT field. Absolutely nothing wrong with being smart, but I felt as though some were nerdier (read: more socially awkward) than others.
The highlights:
Our dates were 8 minutes in length. In some cases, 8 minutes seemed very short and I'd just be getting into a good conversation and then...NEXT! In other cases, 8 minutes was WAY WAY WAY too long.
One guy could barely speak English and I kept having to ask him to repeat himself. He worked for the Japanese Embassy. He also kept telling "jokes", but then not laughing, so I never knew if he was actually making a joke... until moments later, he'd laugh at his own jokes. He also completely shot down the fact that I work for the federal government: "Ohhhh so that must mean that you don't actually work". Huh? He went on to explain that I must be able to come and go as I please and if it's snowing, raining, etc outside, I must just stay home. Wow. Judgy Wudgy! And, clearly not trying to impress me whatsoever.
Then there are the guys who you wouldn't want to actually date, but be their BFF. This was the case for Bryan and Arthur. They were hi-larious and so much fun, but not really my type. With Bryan, we swapped notes on the competition, and left our table to sit at the bar for our date (thank you free drinks!). One of the girls with us commented afterwards that it's too bad there's no "maybe" option. So true. I marked these two guys down as a "yes", but it would have to be clear that I would be interested in hanging out as friends only... One fellow pointed out that even if there is no romantic connection, you never know if that person can lead you to another person, etc, etc as it is so hard to meet new people. Good point!
There were a few oddballs. Richard, the theatre major extraordinaire who made his own aromatherapy products (really, you're bragging about this?!) and wore an ugly sweater. Howard, whose opening line (to everyone, apparently) was "So, what's your story?". Ugh! He was also pretty into himself and went on and on about all of the volunteering he does and how much he loves his big screen TV. One guy told me that "going to the movies" does not classify as an activity or interest of mine...? Thanks for the clarification. Also, I would go as far as to guess that there were a handful of guys at the event who are potentially questioning their sexuality. My gaydar never lies. Another funny thing that happened: one guy wasn't even shy about hiding the notes he was taking...right in front of me! All he wrote down was a dollar sign beside my name. WTF does that even mean!?
Realistically, there were only two individuals who I would be open to going on a real date with. One is a dude with a thick Ukranian accent, who seemed funny and cute. Bonus: nice teeth. One guy had the worst teeth I have ever seen and I could NOT stop staring (think Austin Powers and moles). For the full 8 minutes, I kept thinking "look at his eyes, damnit!".
The burning question I wanted to know from all of my dates was: "How did you find out about this event?". I feel as though chicks are probably more inclined to sign up for speed dating events than dudes. That being said, I was surprised that there were actually two extra guys at the event, so they always had to sit out as we rotated. Many of them said that a (girl) friend of theirs told them about the event, or they just googled it themselves.
I should be receiving my matches (if I have any!) this afternoon. Even if nothing comes of it, I can chalk it up to research for my blog!
I decided to check out a speed dating event with a friend. As it turns out, two of her friends were going to the same event as us. The event was held in a small, martini bar in the market. The tables were set up very close to one another, so at times, it felt as though we were all on the same date. It worked out nicely for me though, because my friend was warming them up for me with her jokes!
This is going to sound mean, but an overwhelming observation I have been able to make over the past few years: the selection of male candidates doesn't seem on par with the quality of female candidates (how's that for being PC!). Most guys there were short (now I understand why a specific "tall men" speed dating event exists!) and kinda nerdy. I would say that 95% of them were in the IT field. Absolutely nothing wrong with being smart, but I felt as though some were nerdier (read: more socially awkward) than others.
The highlights:
Our dates were 8 minutes in length. In some cases, 8 minutes seemed very short and I'd just be getting into a good conversation and then...NEXT! In other cases, 8 minutes was WAY WAY WAY too long.
One guy could barely speak English and I kept having to ask him to repeat himself. He worked for the Japanese Embassy. He also kept telling "jokes", but then not laughing, so I never knew if he was actually making a joke... until moments later, he'd laugh at his own jokes. He also completely shot down the fact that I work for the federal government: "Ohhhh so that must mean that you don't actually work". Huh? He went on to explain that I must be able to come and go as I please and if it's snowing, raining, etc outside, I must just stay home. Wow. Judgy Wudgy! And, clearly not trying to impress me whatsoever.
Then there are the guys who you wouldn't want to actually date, but be their BFF. This was the case for Bryan and Arthur. They were hi-larious and so much fun, but not really my type. With Bryan, we swapped notes on the competition, and left our table to sit at the bar for our date (thank you free drinks!). One of the girls with us commented afterwards that it's too bad there's no "maybe" option. So true. I marked these two guys down as a "yes", but it would have to be clear that I would be interested in hanging out as friends only... One fellow pointed out that even if there is no romantic connection, you never know if that person can lead you to another person, etc, etc as it is so hard to meet new people. Good point!
There were a few oddballs. Richard, the theatre major extraordinaire who made his own aromatherapy products (really, you're bragging about this?!) and wore an ugly sweater. Howard, whose opening line (to everyone, apparently) was "So, what's your story?". Ugh! He was also pretty into himself and went on and on about all of the volunteering he does and how much he loves his big screen TV. One guy told me that "going to the movies" does not classify as an activity or interest of mine...? Thanks for the clarification. Also, I would go as far as to guess that there were a handful of guys at the event who are potentially questioning their sexuality. My gaydar never lies. Another funny thing that happened: one guy wasn't even shy about hiding the notes he was taking...right in front of me! All he wrote down was a dollar sign beside my name. WTF does that even mean!?
Realistically, there were only two individuals who I would be open to going on a real date with. One is a dude with a thick Ukranian accent, who seemed funny and cute. Bonus: nice teeth. One guy had the worst teeth I have ever seen and I could NOT stop staring (think Austin Powers and moles). For the full 8 minutes, I kept thinking "look at his eyes, damnit!".
The burning question I wanted to know from all of my dates was: "How did you find out about this event?". I feel as though chicks are probably more inclined to sign up for speed dating events than dudes. That being said, I was surprised that there were actually two extra guys at the event, so they always had to sit out as we rotated. Many of them said that a (girl) friend of theirs told them about the event, or they just googled it themselves.
I should be receiving my matches (if I have any!) this afternoon. Even if nothing comes of it, I can chalk it up to research for my blog!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Round Two: Lederhosen
I've been told that I should provide an update on my second date with Adam. The truth is, there isn't much to write about. I didn't feel any sort of connection with him while playing indoor glow-in-the-dark mini putt. While I find him funny, that's kind of where the attraction ends. He suggested we hang out a bit longer on our date, so we opted for drinks and nachos (again). The conversation wasn't as stimulating the second time around, and I was left feeling disappointed. It's making me question my judgement on the first date... how did I think it went SO well?
Adam told me about a time where he had gone on a first date with someone when he was extremely hungover and actually nodded off on their date (a movie)! Why would he tell me that story? Not exactly painting him in a good light.
Annoying: I paid for the golf fees and thought he would pick up the tab for the drinks/nachos so that we could call it even. Well, he paid for the nachos minus my drink! Really? Ha.
Up next: Speed Dating!
Adam told me about a time where he had gone on a first date with someone when he was extremely hungover and actually nodded off on their date (a movie)! Why would he tell me that story? Not exactly painting him in a good light.
Annoying: I paid for the golf fees and thought he would pick up the tab for the drinks/nachos so that we could call it even. Well, he paid for the nachos minus my drink! Really? Ha.
Up next: Speed Dating!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Lederhosen
What first drew me to Adam was the picture he posted of himself in authentic Lederhosen at the real Oktoberfest in Munich. I had just participated in the MUCH smaller-scale, Canadian version so I knew we would have something to talk about. Turns out, he has a great Lederhosen story to boot! I also knew this meant he has a good sense of humour.
We met up for drinks at a pub on a gorgeous, mild night. So mild, that we were able to sit outside on the patio for most of the night! A rare thing in Ottawa at this time of year. I immediately felt comfortable chatting with Adam - he is funny, interesting and we have a lot in common. Now when I say I'm looking for someone with "an edge", I'm not necessarily referring to a dude with shaggy longish red hair in a metal band (such is the case with Adam), but he actually seems really gentle...and he knows that he needs to cut his hair SOON. Again, not as tall as his profile claims him to be, but tall enough.
I liked that he had interesting stuff to talk about. His dad is obsessed with playing the accordian. His mom is an artist. His brother lives in Denmark. He's traveled to China. He throws a mean theme party. He wears Lederhosen every Halloween. He knows a lot about music.
After 4 hours together, we called it a night. He told me to give him a call after I get back from a business trip. I think I just might do that. I would love to see him again!
We met up for drinks at a pub on a gorgeous, mild night. So mild, that we were able to sit outside on the patio for most of the night! A rare thing in Ottawa at this time of year. I immediately felt comfortable chatting with Adam - he is funny, interesting and we have a lot in common. Now when I say I'm looking for someone with "an edge", I'm not necessarily referring to a dude with shaggy longish red hair in a metal band (such is the case with Adam), but he actually seems really gentle...and he knows that he needs to cut his hair SOON. Again, not as tall as his profile claims him to be, but tall enough.
I liked that he had interesting stuff to talk about. His dad is obsessed with playing the accordian. His mom is an artist. His brother lives in Denmark. He's traveled to China. He throws a mean theme party. He wears Lederhosen every Halloween. He knows a lot about music.
After 4 hours together, we called it a night. He told me to give him a call after I get back from a business trip. I think I just might do that. I would love to see him again!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Don
Don and I had been chatting since this summer. Upon closer inspection of his profile, I quickly realized that he wasn't actually currently living in Ottawa, but finishing up his thesis out East. My first reaction was not to become penpals, because then my expectations would be heightened. So we would send each other the odd email from time to time. He definitely wins the best email award. His emails were always very funny, witty and charming. He was supposed to roll back into Otown in early September, but things got pushed back to October. I was starting to wonder if I would ever meet Don!
We met up last night at a pub and had a few drinks. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am way more into personality than appearance. And yet, there was something about Don's appearance that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Sure he was balding and had salt n' peppa hair, but what I couldn't stop staring at was the hoop earring in his left ear. It totally threw me off! He was also MUCH skinnier than in his online photos. But then he would flash that amazing, infectious smile of his and I'd forget about the skinny bald pierced dude sitting across the table from me ;) While his emails were hilarious, they didn't 100% translate into the real deal...
I'm a pretty good judge of character (at least I'd like to think so). I'll be honest with you, I thought he might be gay. He made a point of mentioning past girlfriends (overcompensating?) several times. He's definitely interesting and smart... and we have things in common! I just can't shake the gay vibe (I'm 2 for 2 now!).
Best questions asked on the date: "What's your favourite season?" and "So, how was your upbringing/childhood?".
We met up last night at a pub and had a few drinks. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am way more into personality than appearance. And yet, there was something about Don's appearance that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Sure he was balding and had salt n' peppa hair, but what I couldn't stop staring at was the hoop earring in his left ear. It totally threw me off! He was also MUCH skinnier than in his online photos. But then he would flash that amazing, infectious smile of his and I'd forget about the skinny bald pierced dude sitting across the table from me ;) While his emails were hilarious, they didn't 100% translate into the real deal...
I'm a pretty good judge of character (at least I'd like to think so). I'll be honest with you, I thought he might be gay. He made a point of mentioning past girlfriends (overcompensating?) several times. He's definitely interesting and smart... and we have things in common! I just can't shake the gay vibe (I'm 2 for 2 now!).
Best questions asked on the date: "What's your favourite season?" and "So, how was your upbringing/childhood?".
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