The Set Up

soooo last weekend i was at a party and out of nowhere, my friend Scott had an epiphany. he wanted to set me up on a date with his friend, Jon! well, why the hell not. it's been a while since i've been out on a date. Jon is 33, moved here 4 years ago from Fredericton, has a good job, owns a condo downtown and shares many of the same foodie/music/travel interests as me. bonus: he also used to own a Westie dog! we had been emailing back and forth quite a bit before the date so i was pleasantly surprised when we met up for drinks to learn that he's equally as charming/funny in person. refreshing: he sends emails/texts, several of them (not TOO many) and is very good at replying. we hit up 3 different pubs and spent about 5 hours together on our date. he's really easy to chat with and i immediately felt comfortable going into the date knowing that he is good friends with Scotty. i also like that he's not shy (probably an east coast thang). he offered to walk me home/get me a cab which was sweet, but i thought the walk would do me some good. he asked me to text him when i got home to let him know that i got home safely. it's funny because i've sort of given up assessing how a date goes, because sometimes i'm WAY off the mark. but in this case, he said a few times on the date how he was so glad that we had been set up and we even started to make a bucket list for the summer. he's invited me over for a bbq at his place on Sunday!

10 Things I Hate About You

Update on "two-faced Dan": I went to a less-than-desirable pub over the weekend (in its defense, it has recently been revamped) and spotted Dan on a date. I remembered how he had suggested that we go to said pub for our first date. I just chalked it up to Dan being new to Ottawa, so I quickly scoffed at (and mocked) his idea and promptly switched the location. Clearly, this is Dan's date hangout! I couldn't tell if he was on a first, second or third date with this brunette. They seemed rather cozy (the interlocking hands seemed a tad unnecessary) . One of my friends said that I was much prettier, which is always nice to hear. In his absence, his date spilled an entire pitcher of beer which made me giggle...

I went out for coffee with a guy friend of mine today. We often swap dating horror stories/strategies/lessons learned, etc. He had recently been given the "This is too serious for me. I've never been in a serious relationship. Can we just be friends?" speech. In any case, he shared with me something that he found helped him during this most confusing time. It seems pretty genius to me: make a "Top 10" list (think David Letterman) of the things you least liked about that person. Hey, whatever makes you feel better. Why hadn't I thought of that before?

Onto the Next One

I decided to give "Baby, It's Cold Outside" another chance. I needed to know if there was any spark/chemistry there. This time around, I was impressed that he initiated the date, and made all of the arrangements (including picking me up!). We had agreed that he would swing by my place for a drink before going out for dinner. Well, he arrived 15 minutes before our slotted reservation time, so it was a bit rushed and needless to say, we were late for dinner but it all worked out in the end. After a delicious meal, the plan was to meet up with our friends (who had set us up) and go bowling. By the time we finished dinner, it was prime bowlin' time on Saturday night, so we had to come up with an alternate plan. Instead, we went out for drinks at a pub and then back to our friends' house. I was so relieved to have our friends there to act as buffers (my idea - have you ever tried to bowl with just one other person? exactly). It definitely made us both feel at ease and the conversation flowed really nicely.

I can't say one single bad thing about him. He's great - very nice, funny, sweet.... but I can't force myself to like him enough to feel as though potential chemistry exists. Alas, it does not. I couldn't shake the "friend vibe".

After an awkward goodbye in front of our friends, I called it a night. I can close this chapter and move onto the next one!

Book Alert: How to Be Single

"We're screwed. We're this generation of women who are just as lonely as any other, but we're just unwilling to settle or compromise to get ourselves out of it. So we're all just waiting for the fucking needle-in-a-haystack guy who we're going to love, who's going to happen to love us, who we're going to meet just at the time when we're both available and living in the same city."

We've all been there.

You're probably thinking this is a self-help book, given the title, but it's not. This semi-fictional read was penned by Liz Tuccillo, one of the co-creators of the hit He's Just Not That Into You. The premise: a writer in her late 30s quits her job to travel the world and talk to single women of different cultures. While this may seem like a dreaded task to some, the main character explains that it was reassuring to listen to these women's stories and realize that she is not alone. The conversations she has with her four single friends back home reminded me a lot of (SATC and..) my friendships along with the recurrent themes that seem to arise in Datingsville. It's a funny and realistic read!

Also, I'm a little jealous. It would be so interesting to hear about the man drought in Australia...first-hand. Just sayin'!

The movie is in the works and rumour has it Drew Barrymore will star in it.

Last Date

Noooo...not my last date, it's the name of an article in the most recent edition of the online Dinner Jacket magazine. We need more of THIS in Ottawa. It should be a regular column!

Fave line: "I'm much happier dating me."

Healing Love Academy

This is how I spent my Friday night. I attended a 2 hour lecture entitled "How to avoid marrying a jerk! (male or female)" put on by Healing Love Academy which is part of the Capital Choice Counselling Group at St Paul University. The Psychologist giving the talk was very interesting and entertaining....not to mention it was quite a big turnout which surprised me! Most of the things he spoke about are things that most of us already knew, but needed to be reminded of. Also, everyone agreed that it would be extremely beneficial if a mandatory class on love/communication was offered in Grade 6 (imagine?!). Topics included: the art of getting oneself ready for a relationship commitment, how to get to know a new date/partner, the five pieces of information that should make you RUN, and why we choose the lovers we do.

Notes:
- falling in love will not save you from jerks
- love and relationships are a lot of hard work
- in order to let go of your ex, you need to GRIEVE the loss of a love... 6-12 months of emotional celibacy is recommended
- the first step in building a healthy relationship is being the best person you can be
- examine the pros/cons of ex-partners... ask them what you need to work on
- when you are ready to be in a relationship, you need to make yourself available
- similarity and complimentarity is important and helps keep us together
- relationships first, chemistry second... for example: know, trust, rely and commit need to be established before touch (if this means talking instead of touching for 3 months, so be it!)
- your close family and friends are your "jury".... if they vote against your relationship, LISTEN
- the best way to get to know someone after dating for a few months is visiting his family and examining the way he treats them (we love the way we were TAUGHT to love)
- if he doesn't take you to visit his family/never calls his family = RED FLAG
- you have the right to know about his past relationships/issues (why did it end?)
- own up to your contribution in a break up... don't point fingers

There was plenty of good discussion and giggles during the session. Everyone's got an opinion on love and relationships. Some people were seeking answers. Others were seeking love. Others wished their friends in relationships with jerks were in attendance. One girl asked if it was healthy to live with someone she had broken up with and what she should do... the answer was a resounding NO and RUN! She replied with a cute "Ok, so is anyone here renting a room?". hehe.

Check out the website. A new theme is explored the last Friday of every month! Many thanks to the friend who recommended this session to me and to my other friend for attending it with me.

Dating Detox

Happy New Year!

I was watching Oprah last week and there was a 41 year old single woman on the show struggling to find a date. I'd be lying if I said my first reaction wasn't OHMYGOD, that could be me in...10 years! In any case, The Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger gave her some helpful tips such as her Top 10 Things Not to Talk About on a First Date as well as 11 Commandments of Dating for Women.

In Chapter 1 of her book, Patti talks about Dating Detox... she advises you to not even think about going on a date and take time to figure out what it is that you're looking for. I think that's where I'm at right now. I've deleted my online dating profile because it just wasn't working for me. Not to say that I won't try another site in the future, just not right now.