I remember stumbling upon Kyle's profile ages ago, but when I spotted that he was divorced and had a daughter, I quickly retreated. So when Kyle contacted me recently, I decided to give him a shot. His profile really spoke to me and I liked that he knew exactly what he wanted in life. He seemed like a great dad and wanted more kids. I needed to be more open minded, I thought.
We texted back and forth quite a bit for the week where he had his daughter. He worked downtown for DND... as it turned out, only about two blocks away from me. But he lives in Stittsville. He had asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee on Friday, but then practically every day beforehand would ask me if I was free to meet up. I could tell he was anxious to meet me, so I thought that was cute. Unfortunately, it never worked out to meet up ahead of time, so I told him that I looked forward to meeting him on Friday.
Probably my earliest date ever! We met up at Starbucks at 7:30am. Just before I left, he sent me a text with a bunch of questions... "How devoted are you to your partner?", "Are you an affectionate person?", "If you ex called you up, what would you do?". Where was all of this coming from?! I started to worry he would be a weirdo. I called him out on it and he said he just asked, because he'd had some bad experiences meeting women online. So far, they had all been deceitful and selfish. Great. I explained that maybe I could answer his questions AFTER we had met.
Fortunately, in person, Kyle wasn't quite as intense. A good looking guy, tall, well dressed. We chatted easily for an hour and the conversation flowed very nicely. He possesses a lot of qualities I'm looking for in a guy. After we left, Kyle texted to ask if I was free to meet up for a quick drink after work. Sure, why not! Two dates in ONE day? This was unheard of. We met up at Darcy's after work and again, had a very enjoyable conversation and shared lots of laughs.
He shared with me that he had been cheated on numerous times and was very sensitive about it. Understandable, I thought. Poor guy. He said that quite often the women he dated would wind up going back to their ex. Kyle seemed a bit insecure, but it seemed understandable given the circumstances. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling/worry that he might be the jealous type.
We agreed to meet up on Sunday for another date. I didn't hear from him on Saturday which was strange, so I bit the bullet and texted him. He replied saying that he was having a crappy weekend and was feeling down... oh no, is he depressed?! Did I do something wrong? He wouldn't go into detail, but asked if he could get through the day before deciding about tomorrow. Sure...
Flash forward to Sunday. By 11:30am, I texted him to ask how he was feeling. I needed to plan my day! Were we getting together or not? Kyle didn't respond until 5pm asking how my day was going and that he was still feeling a bit "off". I called him out. I was so mad!
The problem with online dating is that you can see when the other person is online... this messes with your head. A lot. Well, I guess it messed with Kyle's. He said that it upset him to see that I was online on Saturday (meanwhile, I was only online to see if he was online!)... that he can't compete with other dudes (even though there is no one else for him to compete with!)... that online dating just isn't for him. He had also made some comment about how the right woman for him wouldn't hesitate with answering his questions. I explained that I had no problem answering questions, but that it had caught me off guard before even meeting him. I knew there had to be more to it. As it turns out, he has decided to give a female friend of his a shot... she would like to be more than just friends. He is opting to go that route because it's "easy" and "comfortable" and that way, he can skip the whole getting-to-know-you part. Desperate/settling much?
I texted him back saying that it was his loss; that he wasn't even going to give me a chance, despite me feeling really excited to get to know him better. He agreed that he thought we had really hit it off, but couldn't possibly put himself through more rejection. He was going to be the selfish one for once.
So in the end, I dodged yet another bullet! But this guy really did a number on me. I was so discouraged yesterday that I had thoughts of deleting my profile. I think I need to take another break from it, at least for a little bit. It really messes with one's head. It sucks when you walk away thinking that you must have done something wrong, when clearly you didn't.
Sidenote: Coincidentally, we are both taking the same train this Friday for Easter weekend. He is taking his daughter to London to visit family, and I am headed to TO to visit a gf. Fingers crossed I don't bump into him!
UPDATE: John
Not much to report here. I had a second date with him on Tuesday that went really well, but have barely heard from him since (and can see that he's on Tinder ALL of the time). I decided to unmatch myself from him and delete his phone number. Realistically, I didn't see how dating him would work. He lives so far away and I would never be able to see him on the weekend because of work/his daughter. Also, I was unimpressed when he dropped a bomb that he also had a 17 year old son AND that he had been fixed so wouldn't be having any more kids. I got the impression he was more interested in a hook-up, than a relationship. Not quite what I'm looking for. NEXT!
I received a mysterious text message a few days later and it turned out to be John. I broke the news to him that I get the impression we are both looking for different things. His response? "ok". Obviously we were on the same page. Wow, that was easy.
UPDATE: Kyle
I can see that he's still online all of the time!!! So maybe there was no "female friend" after all? Who knows.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Monday, March 16, 2015
John
John and I had been chatting on Tinder for a few weeks before meeting up at a pub near me. I texted him that I was en route but had to stop at the bank first, to which he responded "Good, it's your turn to buy drinks", so I knew he had a good sense of humour if nothing else.
John is 40 years old, tall (6 feet), divorced and has an 11 year old daughter. He has an interesting job as a prison guard at Kingston Penn and lives in Spencerville which is about 45 mins away. His daughter is in Kanata though, so he said he's "in town" usually 3-4 times a week. To be honest, when he first walked into the pub, I didn't recognize him at first. He looked a bit different from his photos, but in a good way! He said the same about me. He is definitely a good looking guy and looks like he's in great shape. I noticed right away that he has a pretty thick Newfoundland accent (where he's originally from). John seemed really interested in getting to know me and asked me lots of questions about myself - where do I work, what do I do for fun in my spare time, etc. We seem to have quite a bit in common and I like that he enjoys being active as well. He doesn't really know the Ottawa area very well so said he would love to go snowshoeing in Gatineau Park sometime. He loves to cook, travel and enjoys drinking wine.
It is also a good sign that he seems like a really good Dad to his daughter and has a good relationship with his ex, which must make things easier. I'm not 100% sure of the reason for the split or what the custody arrangement is like, but I think he sees his daughter on the weekends. His ex is a dancer and owns her own studio (of course I had to put my creeper skills to the test and search for her... she's gorgeous). I never thought I would date someone who is divorced or has a child, but I'm trying to keep an open mind, have fun and see where it goes.
His job is definitely a scary one, but he seems to be good at it and says it pays well. Still, it involves some shift work but he also gets quite a bit of time off. He was in the military before becoming a guard.
I am excited to show him the city - he said he'd get in touch with me after March Break!
John is 40 years old, tall (6 feet), divorced and has an 11 year old daughter. He has an interesting job as a prison guard at Kingston Penn and lives in Spencerville which is about 45 mins away. His daughter is in Kanata though, so he said he's "in town" usually 3-4 times a week. To be honest, when he first walked into the pub, I didn't recognize him at first. He looked a bit different from his photos, but in a good way! He said the same about me. He is definitely a good looking guy and looks like he's in great shape. I noticed right away that he has a pretty thick Newfoundland accent (where he's originally from). John seemed really interested in getting to know me and asked me lots of questions about myself - where do I work, what do I do for fun in my spare time, etc. We seem to have quite a bit in common and I like that he enjoys being active as well. He doesn't really know the Ottawa area very well so said he would love to go snowshoeing in Gatineau Park sometime. He loves to cook, travel and enjoys drinking wine.
It is also a good sign that he seems like a really good Dad to his daughter and has a good relationship with his ex, which must make things easier. I'm not 100% sure of the reason for the split or what the custody arrangement is like, but I think he sees his daughter on the weekends. His ex is a dancer and owns her own studio (of course I had to put my creeper skills to the test and search for her... she's gorgeous). I never thought I would date someone who is divorced or has a child, but I'm trying to keep an open mind, have fun and see where it goes.
His job is definitely a scary one, but he seems to be good at it and says it pays well. Still, it involves some shift work but he also gets quite a bit of time off. He was in the military before becoming a guard.
I am excited to show him the city - he said he'd get in touch with me after March Break!
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Pat
I started chatting with Pat on pof while I was on vacation in Florida visiting my parents. A good friend of mine commented on how she loved how I was busy lining up dates while on vacay... priorities, people! Ha. We decided to meet the day after I returned. I really didn't know too much about Pat except that he was 42 (older!), and a special education teacher originally from Ottawa.
Initially, we were supposed to meet up at a pub in the market at 8pm but then Pat changed the location to the Pump on Elgin an hour earlier. Easier for me to walk to, I thought. As I headed to the Pump, I texted Pat to ask him how I would find him inside. He responded with the EXACT text I had sent him earlier about running errands after work. It didn't make sense, so I naturally responded with a "?" text. He then called (who calls anymore?!), so I picked up. He explained that the text was meant for his friend and that he was already inside (so was I). He described where he was sitting and I made my way to him. I should point out that his pictures were somewhat blurry online... a potential red flag. He looked like his photos, but definitely appeared older in person. Still, not a bad looking guy. Pat had already ordered himself a beer and made some comment about how he didn't know if I would be showing up (aside: even though I was on time!?).
We chatted for a good three hours and the conversation flowed easily. A few strange things happened though:
1- his phone was blowing UP. and it was out on the table. at one point he "joked" (at least I hope it was a joke) that he should check to see if he had received any new pof messages.
2- the time/location change for the meetup was explained... his buddy works at the police station across the street, so if the date hadn't worked out, he planned to meet up with him for a drink later. ummm thanks, maybe don't tell me that?
3- he asked if I had ever been married/had kids. when I turned it around on him, he explained that he had been married before. I couldn't help but feel slightly duped and wondered why he doesn't mark himself down as "divorced" on his pof profile...although, I guess he was being upfront about it on date #1.
4- there were a few times where he was clearly flirting with our waitress, which was awkward for me to watch.
5- he also told me about how he had been on a date (second date) with a woman the night before our date...
I was (and still am) intrigued by his job. He works with cognitive disordered adolescents who are court ordered to the Robert Smart Centre. He's worked with children in the Oncology dept at CHEO. Any guy that goes into that kind of work must be compassionate, I thought. He seems to love it too, which is refreshing. By age 42, I was keeping my fingers crossed that this guy would have his sh$t together, and it seems like he does... owns a house in Orleans, owns a cottage, good group of friends, good job, loves kids, etc.
After Pat paid for the bill, he got up to put on his jacket and that was the first time I was seeing his body. He definitely was not as athletic as he made himself out to be on pof. As we parted ways, I went in for the hug and then Pat ASKED me for a "little kiss", which even as I type that out, sounds hella creepy. Guys: just go in for the kiss. It's a huge turn-off to ask for one. I was obviously put on the spot and didn't want to, but I gave him a quick peck on the lips and then called it a night. I heard from him later that night saying that he had had a great time and to let him know when I'd like to do it again. He also texted me the next night saying that he was going to be headed out of town to a friend's cottage where there would be no reception, but that we should chat on Sunday. This would be sweet if I were into him, but I just told him to have fun. I did not hear from him on Sunday. In fact, I just heard from him yesterday on Wed.
I need to pay closer attention to my gut, and my gut is telling me that I'm not physically attracted to him.
Initially, we were supposed to meet up at a pub in the market at 8pm but then Pat changed the location to the Pump on Elgin an hour earlier. Easier for me to walk to, I thought. As I headed to the Pump, I texted Pat to ask him how I would find him inside. He responded with the EXACT text I had sent him earlier about running errands after work. It didn't make sense, so I naturally responded with a "?" text. He then called (who calls anymore?!), so I picked up. He explained that the text was meant for his friend and that he was already inside (so was I). He described where he was sitting and I made my way to him. I should point out that his pictures were somewhat blurry online... a potential red flag. He looked like his photos, but definitely appeared older in person. Still, not a bad looking guy. Pat had already ordered himself a beer and made some comment about how he didn't know if I would be showing up (aside: even though I was on time!?).
We chatted for a good three hours and the conversation flowed easily. A few strange things happened though:
1- his phone was blowing UP. and it was out on the table. at one point he "joked" (at least I hope it was a joke) that he should check to see if he had received any new pof messages.
2- the time/location change for the meetup was explained... his buddy works at the police station across the street, so if the date hadn't worked out, he planned to meet up with him for a drink later. ummm thanks, maybe don't tell me that?
3- he asked if I had ever been married/had kids. when I turned it around on him, he explained that he had been married before. I couldn't help but feel slightly duped and wondered why he doesn't mark himself down as "divorced" on his pof profile...although, I guess he was being upfront about it on date #1.
4- there were a few times where he was clearly flirting with our waitress, which was awkward for me to watch.
5- he also told me about how he had been on a date (second date) with a woman the night before our date...
I was (and still am) intrigued by his job. He works with cognitive disordered adolescents who are court ordered to the Robert Smart Centre. He's worked with children in the Oncology dept at CHEO. Any guy that goes into that kind of work must be compassionate, I thought. He seems to love it too, which is refreshing. By age 42, I was keeping my fingers crossed that this guy would have his sh$t together, and it seems like he does... owns a house in Orleans, owns a cottage, good group of friends, good job, loves kids, etc.
After Pat paid for the bill, he got up to put on his jacket and that was the first time I was seeing his body. He definitely was not as athletic as he made himself out to be on pof. As we parted ways, I went in for the hug and then Pat ASKED me for a "little kiss", which even as I type that out, sounds hella creepy. Guys: just go in for the kiss. It's a huge turn-off to ask for one. I was obviously put on the spot and didn't want to, but I gave him a quick peck on the lips and then called it a night. I heard from him later that night saying that he had had a great time and to let him know when I'd like to do it again. He also texted me the next night saying that he was going to be headed out of town to a friend's cottage where there would be no reception, but that we should chat on Sunday. This would be sweet if I were into him, but I just told him to have fun. I did not hear from him on Sunday. In fact, I just heard from him yesterday on Wed.
I need to pay closer attention to my gut, and my gut is telling me that I'm not physically attracted to him.
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