Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Michael
Almost forgot to blog about this one! I met up with Michael on a hot, humid night at pub Italia after he was done playing soccer. We had chatted a bit back and forth, and he seemed really great and we had similar profiles. He's a grade 7/8 math teacher. I was pleasantly surprised when I met him because he looked better in person than in his photos. He wasn't what I was expecting though, not better or worse, just different. I think I was picturing him a bit more nerdy. It was a fairly short date - I think I only had one drink. The conversation felt a bit forced and there were some long, awkward pauses. He started to tell me how he invited a girl from his soccer team as his date to a wedding the weekend prior...but then ditched her?! I thought that was maybe not the best story to be telling someone on a first date! He also seemed like the type of guy who is maybe a bit too negative and enjoys a good debate. Not really what I'm looking for. At the end of the date, we parted ways and biked home. He did mention if I wanted to do it again, to let him know...but that won't be happening.
Friday, July 17, 2015
the italian
Pietro should probably win an award for his dating profile. definitely the most detailed, well thought out, hilarious profile I have read in a long time. he contacted me first and shortly thereafter, asked me out for drinks. I accepted.
again, I knew very little about him, except that he worked on the hill (later discovered he meant worked for the embassy) and had arrived in Ottawa from Rome about 1.5 months ago. he is 33 yrs old, 6 feet, athletic and we shared some of the same interests. what's up with dudes not being good texters? there were still quite a few days between when we had agreed to meet up and when the actual date took place. when I didn't hear from him, I decided to check in on date day to make sure the date was still a go. it was!
he suggested Luxe (fancy!) around 6pm. I got there first and pulled up a seat at the bar since the patio was full. in walks Pietro... pink dress shirt, sunglasses, dress pants, blazer, sneakers and a MURSE. ok, ok, I will let it slide. he is European after all. as it turns out, his mom is French and his dad is Italian. Pietro was born in jersey and lived there until he was 12 before moving to Rome (which is where all of his family currently resides). so he had this weird accent, not Italian... more American/southern? he's on an interchange here in Ottawa for a few years and is still discovering the city.
as many of you know, I have a lot of gay male friends. put it this way: I have good gaydar. this guy is clearly gay. no, not European... gay. and yet, he was very touchy feely and would use any excuse he could to touch my arm, etc. this made things super confusing. good lord, some dudes are clueless! I felt like I was back in junior high when guys would make fun of you if they liked you. listen, if there are free snacks on the bar and it's dinner time, i'm definitely going to be eating them. well, Pietro made some comment about how I sure seemed hungry eating all of the snacks... and then started to go on about how I shouldn't have too many because no one likes a fatty (trying to be funny). not funny. I promptly moved the bowl of snacks away from me. he also kept insinuating that I had glanced at his crotch (I hadn't), and that it's too bad I was wearing a scarf so that he couldn't check out my cleavage. all of this legit happened.
my body language suggested I was NOT interested. at one point I caught myself crossing my arms and legs. Pietro didn't pick up on any of that. toward the end of the date, he stood up beside me and was running his hand down my back/butt/leg area. seriously?! I had to get the eff out of there. maybe the aggressiveness is cultural. but I still feel like guys should pick up on a woman's body language, no?
we each had two drinks and then he wanted a third and said it was rude if he drank alone. I let him drink alone. after about an hour and 45 min date, we called it a night and he paid for the bill while I was in the bathroom (I timed it on purpose). so at least that was nice.
in the end, I don't think we really did have that much in common. he's not a morning person. he hates camping (and sent me the link to a sleeping cot for a tent - "why would you sleep on the ground??"). this is going to sound mean, but I need a MAN. like a real guy's guy. someone who's into sportsing, home renos, beers with the guys, likes the outdoors, etc. Pietro does not fit the bill.
you know, I had flashes of making this guy my GBF, but he blew it when he got creepy/super pretentious.
again, I knew very little about him, except that he worked on the hill (later discovered he meant worked for the embassy) and had arrived in Ottawa from Rome about 1.5 months ago. he is 33 yrs old, 6 feet, athletic and we shared some of the same interests. what's up with dudes not being good texters? there were still quite a few days between when we had agreed to meet up and when the actual date took place. when I didn't hear from him, I decided to check in on date day to make sure the date was still a go. it was!
he suggested Luxe (fancy!) around 6pm. I got there first and pulled up a seat at the bar since the patio was full. in walks Pietro... pink dress shirt, sunglasses, dress pants, blazer, sneakers and a MURSE. ok, ok, I will let it slide. he is European after all. as it turns out, his mom is French and his dad is Italian. Pietro was born in jersey and lived there until he was 12 before moving to Rome (which is where all of his family currently resides). so he had this weird accent, not Italian... more American/southern? he's on an interchange here in Ottawa for a few years and is still discovering the city.
as many of you know, I have a lot of gay male friends. put it this way: I have good gaydar. this guy is clearly gay. no, not European... gay. and yet, he was very touchy feely and would use any excuse he could to touch my arm, etc. this made things super confusing. good lord, some dudes are clueless! I felt like I was back in junior high when guys would make fun of you if they liked you. listen, if there are free snacks on the bar and it's dinner time, i'm definitely going to be eating them. well, Pietro made some comment about how I sure seemed hungry eating all of the snacks... and then started to go on about how I shouldn't have too many because no one likes a fatty (trying to be funny). not funny. I promptly moved the bowl of snacks away from me. he also kept insinuating that I had glanced at his crotch (I hadn't), and that it's too bad I was wearing a scarf so that he couldn't check out my cleavage. all of this legit happened.
my body language suggested I was NOT interested. at one point I caught myself crossing my arms and legs. Pietro didn't pick up on any of that. toward the end of the date, he stood up beside me and was running his hand down my back/butt/leg area. seriously?! I had to get the eff out of there. maybe the aggressiveness is cultural. but I still feel like guys should pick up on a woman's body language, no?
we each had two drinks and then he wanted a third and said it was rude if he drank alone. I let him drink alone. after about an hour and 45 min date, we called it a night and he paid for the bill while I was in the bathroom (I timed it on purpose). so at least that was nice.
in the end, I don't think we really did have that much in common. he's not a morning person. he hates camping (and sent me the link to a sleeping cot for a tent - "why would you sleep on the ground??"). this is going to sound mean, but I need a MAN. like a real guy's guy. someone who's into sportsing, home renos, beers with the guys, likes the outdoors, etc. Pietro does not fit the bill.
you know, I had flashes of making this guy my GBF, but he blew it when he got creepy/super pretentious.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Blair
after a while, you recognize all of the same faces on pof. I tend to search by "new" all of the time to see if any fresh blood has decided to bite the bullet and join. there's also a section called "ultra match/top prospect", and sometimes new faces magically appear there... although I'm not exactly sure what makes them my super match. in any case, Blair popped up unexpectedly somehow in one of my searches. how could I have let one sneak by me? ha.
we messaged back and forth for a day or two and then decided to meet up. I would be his first online dating experience! the pressure. I didn't know much about Blair except that he's 35, 6'2", lives in Stittsville and is a manager at a grocery store. I admit it, I judged him a little bit based on his career.. buuuut my Dad claims he must make good money (really?). I got the impression he puts in some long days. I also knew that he had recently completed the Spartan Race and loved it (something I have done as well), and was at the same football game as me on the weekend. Oh, and he had a really cute pup who recently passed away, but is thinking of getting another one. He had also been split with his ex for about the same period of time and they were together for 2.5 years.
I was trying to think of a pub downtown that he could get to easily right off the highway. I gave him a few choices and he settled on Pub Italia since he hadn't been there in a while. He asked how this worked - was he to pick me up? I told him he was sweet to offer (bonus points!), but that I would be riding my bike over to meet him. I could tell that he felt a bit weirded out by online dating. He had been on for 3 or 4 months just perusing profiles mostly.
our date went really well! we seem to have a lot in common... for example, we both have cottages on the same lake! well, his parents recently sold theirs, but he's interested in co-owning one with a buddy of his because he loves the spot so much. we are both Cancers (he just had a bday, so technically I guess that makes him two years younger than me). our exes were very similar in a lot of ways. we enjoy the same activities/spots in Ottawa (both originally from here). he has a great social circle of friends (most of whom he's known forever). we even like some of the same TV shows! Blair seems really kind and patient. he is managing a store out in Arnprior and has 200 employees to keep track of. while he enjoys his job, it sounds like he's looking for a change. he puts in long hours, but gets four weeks vacation each year. he bought a house with a friend of his. he also mentioned that he volunteered at the mission for two years and says he misses being downtown (he also used to live on the same street as me).
we ended up chatting for about 3 hours before calling it a night. the conversation flowed really easily and I felt very comfortable with him. Blair didn't offer to pay for my drinks (minus bonus points), but I kind of chalk it up to the fact that he doesn't really know how dating works?! lousy excuse, but for some reason, it didn't bother me as much as when other dudes didn't offer to pay. Blair is not the best at texting, and yet I can see that he is online a lot, which is annoying but in the words of my love guru, Kiki: be patient and keep crazy in the bottle. something I clearly need to work on. he did make it seem like he was also interested in meeting up again, but who knows. fingers crossed!
UPDATE: I asked Blair out on a second date and he told me that i'm not "the one". excuse me? we had been on ONE date. The bottom line is that he was new to online dating and was waiting for the next best thing to come along...it just bummed me out because I felt like we had a real connection.
we messaged back and forth for a day or two and then decided to meet up. I would be his first online dating experience! the pressure. I didn't know much about Blair except that he's 35, 6'2", lives in Stittsville and is a manager at a grocery store. I admit it, I judged him a little bit based on his career.. buuuut my Dad claims he must make good money (really?). I got the impression he puts in some long days. I also knew that he had recently completed the Spartan Race and loved it (something I have done as well), and was at the same football game as me on the weekend. Oh, and he had a really cute pup who recently passed away, but is thinking of getting another one. He had also been split with his ex for about the same period of time and they were together for 2.5 years.
I was trying to think of a pub downtown that he could get to easily right off the highway. I gave him a few choices and he settled on Pub Italia since he hadn't been there in a while. He asked how this worked - was he to pick me up? I told him he was sweet to offer (bonus points!), but that I would be riding my bike over to meet him. I could tell that he felt a bit weirded out by online dating. He had been on for 3 or 4 months just perusing profiles mostly.
our date went really well! we seem to have a lot in common... for example, we both have cottages on the same lake! well, his parents recently sold theirs, but he's interested in co-owning one with a buddy of his because he loves the spot so much. we are both Cancers (he just had a bday, so technically I guess that makes him two years younger than me). our exes were very similar in a lot of ways. we enjoy the same activities/spots in Ottawa (both originally from here). he has a great social circle of friends (most of whom he's known forever). we even like some of the same TV shows! Blair seems really kind and patient. he is managing a store out in Arnprior and has 200 employees to keep track of. while he enjoys his job, it sounds like he's looking for a change. he puts in long hours, but gets four weeks vacation each year. he bought a house with a friend of his. he also mentioned that he volunteered at the mission for two years and says he misses being downtown (he also used to live on the same street as me).
we ended up chatting for about 3 hours before calling it a night. the conversation flowed really easily and I felt very comfortable with him. Blair didn't offer to pay for my drinks (minus bonus points), but I kind of chalk it up to the fact that he doesn't really know how dating works?! lousy excuse, but for some reason, it didn't bother me as much as when other dudes didn't offer to pay. Blair is not the best at texting, and yet I can see that he is online a lot, which is annoying but in the words of my love guru, Kiki: be patient and keep crazy in the bottle. something I clearly need to work on. he did make it seem like he was also interested in meeting up again, but who knows. fingers crossed!
UPDATE: I asked Blair out on a second date and he told me that i'm not "the one". excuse me? we had been on ONE date. The bottom line is that he was new to online dating and was waiting for the next best thing to come along...it just bummed me out because I felt like we had a real connection.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Jamie
I liked that Jamie took the initiative to contact me. A lot can be said for that... I just did a quick check and I've contacted 8 dudes in the past few weeks on pof with zero responses! After a lot of texting back and forth, Jamie seemed really sweet and attentive.
Jamie is 6'1", 41 years old and separated from his wife (after 11 years of marriage), who has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship. Jamie basically helped raised the daughter and still wants to be a part of her life. I learned that his wife had cheated on him, multiple times. And yet, Jamie seemed to have a really positive outlook on life and felt like the right woman was out there for him somewhere and that he had a lot to offer to a relationship.
After about a week of chatting (including an actual phone call!), Jamie suggested we meet up on Sunday afternoon for a bike ride. What a great idea, I thought! All I've ever wanted is to find someone who wants to go for bike rides with me (seriously). It seems so simple, but it quite literally might be the best date idea ever. We met up at Dow's Lake and I spotted him right away. Immediately, I was a bit disappointed as I felt he looked quite different from some of the photos he had posted. I knew right away that I wasn't going to be interested/not physically attracted to him, but the great thing about a bike date is that at least I got my exercise in for the day! It was a beautiful day outside, so we rode side-by-side and chatted for about 1.5 hrs.
I felt like Jamie told me some sketchy stories that you probably shouldn't tell someone on a first date. One involved how he got fired from his previous job (he's in the car sales business). He talked about his ex-wife (although still refers to her as his 'wife') A LOT. Due to the nature of his job (commission-based), he barely got any time off work and didn't exactly seem like a world traveler. It reminded me of my ex and his job...something I am now trying to avoid in a future partner! Jamie is a country boy and I'm a city girl. I also got the impression that he is looking for more of a friendship than a relationship. It must be hard to get back into the dating world after being married for 11 years!
After our bike ride, Jamie asked if I would like to go for a drink on the patio, but I said I needed to get going as I had a lot of errands to run (I lied). I'm trying to get better at not wasting my time (or his) if I don't feel a real connection with someone.
Jamie is 6'1", 41 years old and separated from his wife (after 11 years of marriage), who has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship. Jamie basically helped raised the daughter and still wants to be a part of her life. I learned that his wife had cheated on him, multiple times. And yet, Jamie seemed to have a really positive outlook on life and felt like the right woman was out there for him somewhere and that he had a lot to offer to a relationship.
After about a week of chatting (including an actual phone call!), Jamie suggested we meet up on Sunday afternoon for a bike ride. What a great idea, I thought! All I've ever wanted is to find someone who wants to go for bike rides with me (seriously). It seems so simple, but it quite literally might be the best date idea ever. We met up at Dow's Lake and I spotted him right away. Immediately, I was a bit disappointed as I felt he looked quite different from some of the photos he had posted. I knew right away that I wasn't going to be interested/not physically attracted to him, but the great thing about a bike date is that at least I got my exercise in for the day! It was a beautiful day outside, so we rode side-by-side and chatted for about 1.5 hrs.
I felt like Jamie told me some sketchy stories that you probably shouldn't tell someone on a first date. One involved how he got fired from his previous job (he's in the car sales business). He talked about his ex-wife (although still refers to her as his 'wife') A LOT. Due to the nature of his job (commission-based), he barely got any time off work and didn't exactly seem like a world traveler. It reminded me of my ex and his job...something I am now trying to avoid in a future partner! Jamie is a country boy and I'm a city girl. I also got the impression that he is looking for more of a friendship than a relationship. It must be hard to get back into the dating world after being married for 11 years!
After our bike ride, Jamie asked if I would like to go for a drink on the patio, but I said I needed to get going as I had a lot of errands to run (I lied). I'm trying to get better at not wasting my time (or his) if I don't feel a real connection with someone.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Jason
Another Match.com date! Jason and I have been chatting for a few weeks now and discovered that we both work on Elgin, so I suggested we meet up for a coffee. After my last disastrous date with Neil, I want to avoid wasting any more of my time. A coffee date is perfect for that - short and sweet! Jason is 37, same height as me, a doctor, separated and has two sons (ages 7 and 9) and lives not too far from Centretown. He has 50/50 custody with his ex, so has his sons every other week. He seems like a great dad and really enjoys spending time with his kids (good sign).
Jason had contacted me first and when I read his profile, it really spoke to me. I also liked his 'alias' of 'onethankfuldude'. He seemed really sweet, polite and thoughtful. Hopefully I wasn't off base this time! My one worry was that while his messages all seemed really well written, that Jason would turn out to be boring... or worse... lack a sense of humour.
We met up this morning and I was pleasantly surprised. He has a very welcoming smile and we laughed a lot on our date. Turns out, Jason works at a medical clinic on Elgin - but is also experiencing some restructuring at work himself, so we chatted about that quite a bit. He's very into music and plays some music himself. We chatted for about 45 minutes before I headed back to work. I gave him a hug and he said he would be in touch soon. I had a nice time and would go on another date with him. Time will tell!
UPDATE: I did go on a second date with Jason after he was done a late shift at work. Very sweet guy, but I just wasn't physically attracted to him. Also, he seemed very busy being a part-time dad and full-time doctor!
Jason had contacted me first and when I read his profile, it really spoke to me. I also liked his 'alias' of 'onethankfuldude'. He seemed really sweet, polite and thoughtful. Hopefully I wasn't off base this time! My one worry was that while his messages all seemed really well written, that Jason would turn out to be boring... or worse... lack a sense of humour.
We met up this morning and I was pleasantly surprised. He has a very welcoming smile and we laughed a lot on our date. Turns out, Jason works at a medical clinic on Elgin - but is also experiencing some restructuring at work himself, so we chatted about that quite a bit. He's very into music and plays some music himself. We chatted for about 45 minutes before I headed back to work. I gave him a hug and he said he would be in touch soon. I had a nice time and would go on another date with him. Time will tell!
UPDATE: I did go on a second date with Jason after he was done a late shift at work. Very sweet guy, but I just wasn't physically attracted to him. Also, he seemed very busy being a part-time dad and full-time doctor!
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Neil
I don't even really know where to start with this one...
After chatting briefly on pof, Neil asked me if I'd like to meet up for drinks sometime this week. Typically, I chat a bit more with a dude prior to meeting up, but thought to myself, what the hell - why not. He seemed polite and very excited for our date. I knew that Neil was 37 yrs old, 6'1, had a freelance job in marketing/publishing (used to be the editor of a well known local newspaper), and lived downtown. That was about it.
We agreed to meet up on Tues night at Bridgehead at....9pm! Immediately I wondered why so late (ahem, past my bedtime), so asked if we could push it earlier to 8pm. He had to work until 8pm. I asked if we could meet up somewhere that served alcohol. We compromised and agreed to meet at Atomic Rooster at 8:30pm. Sidenote: I clearly didn't read his profile closely enough to see that he doesn't drink (recovering alcoholic maybe?).
Neil was waiting for me outside. He was super handsome, but I was thrown off by what he was wearing (as he did say he was coming straight from work)... jeans, sweatshirt and a backpack? He almost looked like a panhandler. He explained that the Rooster was too noisy and suggested that we go to the Royal Oak. I made a reference to it as the 'Dirty Oak' (which anyone who lives downtown would understand), but poor Neil didn't get it and I think misunderstood, thinking that I was unhappy with his choice. He ordered a Pepsi and I got a beer. And then things got weird.
Case in point:
- smacking his hubba bubba gum with his mouth open
- putting his arms behind his head in the booth we were sitting at
- cracking highly offensive/politically incorrect jokes which were NOT funny
- eyeing me up and down, massaging my shoulder from across the table, holding both of my hands, asking me to touch his mosquito bite(??)
- asking me if he 'passed the interview' or if he got a strike for being a renter
- telling me how he doesn't have kids, but he sure likes to "practice" (ew) and then wanting to cheers to it
- super rude to wait staff
- making fun of me for working in the gov't
- making fun of crunchy granola hippie types who live in Centretown (says the guy who is wearing BRACELETS, brags about yoga and lives in Centretown himself!)
- could sense his huge disappointment that I wasn't artistic (he asked me this question several times)
The list goes on and on. Neil was super cocky, arrogant and all over the place. He'd ask me a question, I would go to answer, and then he would jump into another question. Was he high?!
Neil suggested we go for a walk, which I (stupidly) agreed to. Again, I am terrible at getting out of horrible dates. That should have been my cue to leave.
The bill came and Neil mumbled something about going dutch. I explained that I only had a $20 (as did he). I figured he might just offer to pay for my drink, but no. He gave his $20 to the waitress who started to give him change for the bill, but then he sharply asked her what she was doing; that he had asked her for change for a $20. She was confused (as was I)! She gives him change and then he puts down $6 and she explained that he will need to pay for the rest of the bill (obviously). He then states that the $6 is for me and then I awkwardly put down my $20. Talk about complicated and embarrassing!!! When he went to the washroom, I apologized to her. Neil made a comment as we were leaving that the waitress seemed surly.
We ended up walking to a different bar where we got one more drink and the weirdness continued. We had nothing in common. I was annoyed because I had left my bike behind when we were walking in the direction of my place. After going dutch yet again, we called it a night. We walked back toward my bike and then parted ways at one of the intersections. I sensed he lived more North of where we were walking and wanted to ditch him. I gave him a quick hug, said it was nice to meet him and to have a good night. Of course this guy wouldn't walk me to my bike late at night or care if I got home safely!
This was our text message exchange when I got home:
N: Cute. But you're one hard person to read lol
J: Sorry lol
N: I don't often sit in bars. Glad we went to that second place. I'll remember it.
I was mostly upset that I wasted my time with this weirdo instead of staying in to watch The Bachelorette.
UPDATE: Jay
Jay recently reached out to me a few times on pof... once about a month ago asking me how my summer was going and if I had been up to the cottage (I didn't respond) and then again more recently after creating a new profile (not sure why?)... he asked if he could basically have a second chance, that he still owes me a drink. I told him that the moment had passed and wished him luck.
UPDATE: Rob
Rob and I ended up going out on about 5 dates in total, including one spectacular bday dinner prepared by moi. I went to a lot of time and money to do something nice for Rob. So when I suggested a movie as our next date, I thought he would offer to pay. Nope. He asked if I wanted to get the movie tickets and he would grab the snacks.... To be honest, this turned me off. He's a DIRECTOR in the government for god's sake! It never dawned on him to perhaps pay for BOTH the movie and snack... is chivalry dead? Perhaps. After the cheap movie date, I didn't hear from Rob for a good 4 days. I could tell he had lost interest... but I had left my 'good' Tupperware at his place (ahem, leftovers from above mentioned meal) and wanted it back. I swung by to pick it up and could tell by Rob's body language that things were done. He didn't seem to really want to let me into his place - I didn't feel welcome, so I left. A few hours later, I texted him to see how he thought our dates were going and he admitted that while physically attracted to me, he didn't think we 'clicked' in conversation. I always got the impression that maybe I wasn't too 'intellectual' enough for him, not that we had deep discussions. Maybe this is why Rob is single at 44? Sigh!
After chatting briefly on pof, Neil asked me if I'd like to meet up for drinks sometime this week. Typically, I chat a bit more with a dude prior to meeting up, but thought to myself, what the hell - why not. He seemed polite and very excited for our date. I knew that Neil was 37 yrs old, 6'1, had a freelance job in marketing/publishing (used to be the editor of a well known local newspaper), and lived downtown. That was about it.
We agreed to meet up on Tues night at Bridgehead at....9pm! Immediately I wondered why so late (ahem, past my bedtime), so asked if we could push it earlier to 8pm. He had to work until 8pm. I asked if we could meet up somewhere that served alcohol. We compromised and agreed to meet at Atomic Rooster at 8:30pm. Sidenote: I clearly didn't read his profile closely enough to see that he doesn't drink (recovering alcoholic maybe?).
Neil was waiting for me outside. He was super handsome, but I was thrown off by what he was wearing (as he did say he was coming straight from work)... jeans, sweatshirt and a backpack? He almost looked like a panhandler. He explained that the Rooster was too noisy and suggested that we go to the Royal Oak. I made a reference to it as the 'Dirty Oak' (which anyone who lives downtown would understand), but poor Neil didn't get it and I think misunderstood, thinking that I was unhappy with his choice. He ordered a Pepsi and I got a beer. And then things got weird.
Case in point:
- smacking his hubba bubba gum with his mouth open
- putting his arms behind his head in the booth we were sitting at
- cracking highly offensive/politically incorrect jokes which were NOT funny
- eyeing me up and down, massaging my shoulder from across the table, holding both of my hands, asking me to touch his mosquito bite(??)
- asking me if he 'passed the interview' or if he got a strike for being a renter
- telling me how he doesn't have kids, but he sure likes to "practice" (ew) and then wanting to cheers to it
- super rude to wait staff
- making fun of me for working in the gov't
- making fun of crunchy granola hippie types who live in Centretown (says the guy who is wearing BRACELETS, brags about yoga and lives in Centretown himself!)
- could sense his huge disappointment that I wasn't artistic (he asked me this question several times)
The list goes on and on. Neil was super cocky, arrogant and all over the place. He'd ask me a question, I would go to answer, and then he would jump into another question. Was he high?!
Neil suggested we go for a walk, which I (stupidly) agreed to. Again, I am terrible at getting out of horrible dates. That should have been my cue to leave.
The bill came and Neil mumbled something about going dutch. I explained that I only had a $20 (as did he). I figured he might just offer to pay for my drink, but no. He gave his $20 to the waitress who started to give him change for the bill, but then he sharply asked her what she was doing; that he had asked her for change for a $20. She was confused (as was I)! She gives him change and then he puts down $6 and she explained that he will need to pay for the rest of the bill (obviously). He then states that the $6 is for me and then I awkwardly put down my $20. Talk about complicated and embarrassing!!! When he went to the washroom, I apologized to her. Neil made a comment as we were leaving that the waitress seemed surly.
We ended up walking to a different bar where we got one more drink and the weirdness continued. We had nothing in common. I was annoyed because I had left my bike behind when we were walking in the direction of my place. After going dutch yet again, we called it a night. We walked back toward my bike and then parted ways at one of the intersections. I sensed he lived more North of where we were walking and wanted to ditch him. I gave him a quick hug, said it was nice to meet him and to have a good night. Of course this guy wouldn't walk me to my bike late at night or care if I got home safely!
This was our text message exchange when I got home:
N: Cute. But you're one hard person to read lol
J: Sorry lol
N: I don't often sit in bars. Glad we went to that second place. I'll remember it.
I was mostly upset that I wasted my time with this weirdo instead of staying in to watch The Bachelorette.
UPDATE: Jay
Jay recently reached out to me a few times on pof... once about a month ago asking me how my summer was going and if I had been up to the cottage (I didn't respond) and then again more recently after creating a new profile (not sure why?)... he asked if he could basically have a second chance, that he still owes me a drink. I told him that the moment had passed and wished him luck.
UPDATE: Rob
Rob and I ended up going out on about 5 dates in total, including one spectacular bday dinner prepared by moi. I went to a lot of time and money to do something nice for Rob. So when I suggested a movie as our next date, I thought he would offer to pay. Nope. He asked if I wanted to get the movie tickets and he would grab the snacks.... To be honest, this turned me off. He's a DIRECTOR in the government for god's sake! It never dawned on him to perhaps pay for BOTH the movie and snack... is chivalry dead? Perhaps. After the cheap movie date, I didn't hear from Rob for a good 4 days. I could tell he had lost interest... but I had left my 'good' Tupperware at his place (ahem, leftovers from above mentioned meal) and wanted it back. I swung by to pick it up and could tell by Rob's body language that things were done. He didn't seem to really want to let me into his place - I didn't feel welcome, so I left. A few hours later, I texted him to see how he thought our dates were going and he admitted that while physically attracted to me, he didn't think we 'clicked' in conversation. I always got the impression that maybe I wasn't too 'intellectual' enough for him, not that we had deep discussions. Maybe this is why Rob is single at 44? Sigh!
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Nick
Nick and I had been chatting as well for a while on Match before I left for Hawaii. That being said, we didn't overly text much. I chalked it up to not wanting to waste time texting if there wasn't a spark in person. We agreed to meet up upon my return. I liked that he planned the date and chose a wine bar in the Glebe that I had completely forgotten about! A great date spot.
I was a bit worried that Nick might be too nerdy for me... I guess just based on his photos and profile. And I was concerned that he looked quite different in each photo... You know how sometimes iphones will change imessages to email addresses randomly? Well, this happened in Nick's case, so I knew his last name. I immediately creeped him! I stumbled upon an article in the Globe and Mail about his personal financial investment advice. Nick seemed really smart (engineer with the Navy) and REALLY active. I was worried he might be too active!
I spotted Nick from behind when I walked through the wine bar doors. It was actually quite busy for a Thurs night! Nick got up right away and gave me a big hug which I thought was nice. I have to say, he has one of those contagious smiles. Nick was super chatty... I couldn't tell if he was maybe nervous or not. He spoke a lot about all of his activities (trail running, skate skiing, etc), but made sure to ask me about mine. He is also originally from Newfoundland, tall and skinny, and has only been in Ottawa for about a year, but had lived here for three years previously. I wasn't physically attracted to Nick. He had these crazy eyebrows and was even skinnier in person that I thought he was...
After one glass of wine, Nick got the bill so I got the sense that while polite, he wasn't into me either. Our date lasted an hour. We hugged goodbye and then Nick asked if we could do it again sometime which totally threw me off! I didn't know what to say being put on the spot, so I agreed. I never heard from him though, so I think that maybe he just said that because he didn't know what else to say when we parted. NEXT!
I was a bit worried that Nick might be too nerdy for me... I guess just based on his photos and profile. And I was concerned that he looked quite different in each photo... You know how sometimes iphones will change imessages to email addresses randomly? Well, this happened in Nick's case, so I knew his last name. I immediately creeped him! I stumbled upon an article in the Globe and Mail about his personal financial investment advice. Nick seemed really smart (engineer with the Navy) and REALLY active. I was worried he might be too active!
I spotted Nick from behind when I walked through the wine bar doors. It was actually quite busy for a Thurs night! Nick got up right away and gave me a big hug which I thought was nice. I have to say, he has one of those contagious smiles. Nick was super chatty... I couldn't tell if he was maybe nervous or not. He spoke a lot about all of his activities (trail running, skate skiing, etc), but made sure to ask me about mine. He is also originally from Newfoundland, tall and skinny, and has only been in Ottawa for about a year, but had lived here for three years previously. I wasn't physically attracted to Nick. He had these crazy eyebrows and was even skinnier in person that I thought he was...
After one glass of wine, Nick got the bill so I got the sense that while polite, he wasn't into me either. Our date lasted an hour. We hugged goodbye and then Nick asked if we could do it again sometime which totally threw me off! I didn't know what to say being put on the spot, so I agreed. I never heard from him though, so I think that maybe he just said that because he didn't know what else to say when we parted. NEXT!
The other Rob
...not to be confused with C's date... but I too went on a date recently with a Rob.
We had initially chatted on Tinder, but I would often see him on all of the other dating sites too. Right off the bat, he asked if I wanted kids. He doesn't, so wanted to put that out there right away. I appreciated him being upfront. I explained that yes, I thought it was a dealbreaker and he completely understood and we unmatched each other. But then I thought about it some more and didn't want to have any regrets. What's the harm in going on a date? Sure, I always saw myself having kids, but what's more important to me is to find a great life partner. Someone who is a good match for me.
I joined match.com not too long ago (side note: my ex popped up as one of my matches recently... I was shocked that he forked over money to join!), and sure enough, Rob popped up as one of my matches. I decided to contact him and explain that I had given it some thought and asked if he would like to meet up (he did!). I should also explain that I knew Rob and I had a mutual Facebook friend (thank you Tinder!). Granted she was more of an acquaintance to me, but I have several friends who work with her. Turns out, he is besties with her hubby. My friend Laura texted said mutual friend to get the scoop on Rob before we met up. All that she revealed was that he is a super nice guy who tends to date "a lot" (what does that even mean, really?), but she thinks it's because he's looking for THE ONE. We were supposed to meet up before I left on my trip to Hawaii, but it just didn't work out. He told me to add him to facebook so that he could check out my vacation pics, so I did. And then C contacted me! Turns out, she knows who Rob is as well as some of his friends (I think she dated one of them). She referred to Rob as her 'nemesis' which scared the crap out of me, but not for anything bad that he had done (long story).
We met up at a pub near me on a Sunday night for drinks. I felt much more comfortable going into the date knowing that a friend of a friend knows him well. Rob is 7 years older than me, originally from Newfoundland, around the same height, bit of a dad bod but athletic, smart and fairly successful (Director in the gov't). He rents a place downtown but he bought the house his parents live in back home. I discovered that his sister passed away recently and he has two teenage nieces who he is very close with back home. His mom has Alzheimer's. I was impressed to hear that he tackled learning how to speak French fluently by spending several years living in Quebec City before moving to Ottawa. Like me, Rob is a very social guy - he seems to have lots of good friends and is always checking out cool events. After some great conversation, he paid for our drinks and held my umbrella as I walked home in the rain.
We have since gone on a few other dates! He's a really sweet, attentive guy and there seems to be physical chemistry which is nice.
We had initially chatted on Tinder, but I would often see him on all of the other dating sites too. Right off the bat, he asked if I wanted kids. He doesn't, so wanted to put that out there right away. I appreciated him being upfront. I explained that yes, I thought it was a dealbreaker and he completely understood and we unmatched each other. But then I thought about it some more and didn't want to have any regrets. What's the harm in going on a date? Sure, I always saw myself having kids, but what's more important to me is to find a great life partner. Someone who is a good match for me.
I joined match.com not too long ago (side note: my ex popped up as one of my matches recently... I was shocked that he forked over money to join!), and sure enough, Rob popped up as one of my matches. I decided to contact him and explain that I had given it some thought and asked if he would like to meet up (he did!). I should also explain that I knew Rob and I had a mutual Facebook friend (thank you Tinder!). Granted she was more of an acquaintance to me, but I have several friends who work with her. Turns out, he is besties with her hubby. My friend Laura texted said mutual friend to get the scoop on Rob before we met up. All that she revealed was that he is a super nice guy who tends to date "a lot" (what does that even mean, really?), but she thinks it's because he's looking for THE ONE. We were supposed to meet up before I left on my trip to Hawaii, but it just didn't work out. He told me to add him to facebook so that he could check out my vacation pics, so I did. And then C contacted me! Turns out, she knows who Rob is as well as some of his friends (I think she dated one of them). She referred to Rob as her 'nemesis' which scared the crap out of me, but not for anything bad that he had done (long story).
We met up at a pub near me on a Sunday night for drinks. I felt much more comfortable going into the date knowing that a friend of a friend knows him well. Rob is 7 years older than me, originally from Newfoundland, around the same height, bit of a dad bod but athletic, smart and fairly successful (Director in the gov't). He rents a place downtown but he bought the house his parents live in back home. I discovered that his sister passed away recently and he has two teenage nieces who he is very close with back home. His mom has Alzheimer's. I was impressed to hear that he tackled learning how to speak French fluently by spending several years living in Quebec City before moving to Ottawa. Like me, Rob is a very social guy - he seems to have lots of good friends and is always checking out cool events. After some great conversation, he paid for our drinks and held my umbrella as I walked home in the rain.
We have since gone on a few other dates! He's a really sweet, attentive guy and there seems to be physical chemistry which is nice.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Rob
I was pretty excited to match with Rob because he was really handsome and a bit older. He messaged me and asked me to lunch but I couldn't make it, and then he couldn't make my suggestion. I sent him my number and told him to get in touch.
I heard from him on Sunday, and he ended up asking me to go for a drink that night. Normally I'd be in pyjamas but I really wanted to meet this guy. He asked where I lived and asked if I had any ideas on where to go. I suggested my local pub (which is a great combination of low-key and buzzy) and he agreed.
I saw him right away when I walked in, and he looked just like his picture (which a friend has described as looking like a "stock photo") and I was very pleased. We hadn't messaged much beforehand so I knew almost nothing about him, other than that he has a son which he'd mentioned when we were trying to make one of our previous plans. I learned about his current job and his previous job as a professor. Long story short, he is very successful and well rounded.
The conversation flowed really well and we immediately found things in common. We talked easily for about an hour when I realized another guy I dated last summer was sitting at the bar across from us! I know it's bad but I soooo hope he saw me on a date with this gorgeous man.
Nearing the end of the date Rob took my hand under the pretense of looking at my ring. It was a pretty sweet move and I was swooning. We finished our drinks and headed out. His car was parked toward my house and he offered to walk me home. When we got there, we both leaned in for a kiss which was very nice. He sort of looked like he was hoping I would ask him up but that's not something I would normally do, especially when I am really interested in a guy! I suggested we do it again and he seemed amenamble. I waited for about an hour to see if he'd text when he got home and finally I just sent a message saying it was great to meet him and that I hoped he got home ok.
He texted back the next morning saying the pleasure was his. We texted a few times during the day, and in the evening he made a cheeky joke about inviting himself over if he didn't already have plans. I replied saying maybe next time. We'll see what happens next. Fingers crossed!
I heard from him on Sunday, and he ended up asking me to go for a drink that night. Normally I'd be in pyjamas but I really wanted to meet this guy. He asked where I lived and asked if I had any ideas on where to go. I suggested my local pub (which is a great combination of low-key and buzzy) and he agreed.
I saw him right away when I walked in, and he looked just like his picture (which a friend has described as looking like a "stock photo") and I was very pleased. We hadn't messaged much beforehand so I knew almost nothing about him, other than that he has a son which he'd mentioned when we were trying to make one of our previous plans. I learned about his current job and his previous job as a professor. Long story short, he is very successful and well rounded.
The conversation flowed really well and we immediately found things in common. We talked easily for about an hour when I realized another guy I dated last summer was sitting at the bar across from us! I know it's bad but I soooo hope he saw me on a date with this gorgeous man.
Nearing the end of the date Rob took my hand under the pretense of looking at my ring. It was a pretty sweet move and I was swooning. We finished our drinks and headed out. His car was parked toward my house and he offered to walk me home. When we got there, we both leaned in for a kiss which was very nice. He sort of looked like he was hoping I would ask him up but that's not something I would normally do, especially when I am really interested in a guy! I suggested we do it again and he seemed amenamble. I waited for about an hour to see if he'd text when he got home and finally I just sent a message saying it was great to meet him and that I hoped he got home ok.
He texted back the next morning saying the pleasure was his. We texted a few times during the day, and in the evening he made a cheeky joke about inviting himself over if he didn't already have plans. I replied saying maybe next time. We'll see what happens next. Fingers crossed!
Monday, April 27, 2015
Matt
It's been a while since I've updated...I don't have too much to report right now but I do have a weird lingering situation. I was really motivated to try a new site in January (OK Cupid) and I went on 4 dates in about 4 weeks. Matt, who was the 4th guy I met up with, was definitely the best.
He had recently moved here from the UK and looked better than his pics (which were already cute). I am a sucker for a Brit and so I was really intrigued as to what led him to move here. Turns out his work wanted to open a new office and he said he didn't have much tying him down back home so he volunteered. He'd never even been anywhere in North America before landing in Toronto! He came up to meet me in my neighbourhood in a bitter storm which I really appreciated. We got along really well and I enjoyed chatting with him. Maybe I was rating him higher in my mind because I had not really felt a connection with the other guys, but I thought he was having a good time too. When we left, I said I'd walk him towards the subway as he was unfamiliar with the area, but he seemed really weird about it. I assumed he didn't want to look like he needed help so I just did it, but he got REALLY very awkward about it. He finally was like "I've got it from here" (spoiler alert: he didn't) and I backed off. I sort of forced him to give me a hug and that was that. I didn't hear from him that night. I texted him the next morning to see if he was ok and he replied quickly but the texting died off pretty fast.
The next week he texted me asking whether the gallery where I volunteer was free any night. I told him it was, and I volunteer on that night. He said he'd be at the gallery, but I never saw him. I texted him the next day asking if he'd been at the gallery and he said he had in fact been there. Huh?? Again, the texting died off.
The next day was a Friday, so after a few drinks I texted him asking whether he really just wanted to know whether the gallery was free, or did he want to go out again? He laughed it off and said he wasn't trying to be obtuse and he did want to meet up. We went out the next week and again, had a great time. I felt like he was even implying he wanted to stay longer (I had to work really early in the morning). Then, when we were leaving, again he sort of just bolted off. Not even a hug this time. Huh? Were we just going out as friends? What was happening?!
Again, a few weeks after that, I sent him a random text. Again, texts go back and forth. I was going away the next week on vacation but we agreed to go out when I got back. I got back, made two separate suggestions a few days apart, both of which he turned down (to be fair, they were both fairly last minute) and he didn't make any counter suggestions. We agreed we were both free the next week...which was 2 weeks ago. So I guess another one bites the dust! Honestly probably for the best though. Not a good sign when a guy doesn't even want to hug you goodbye!
He had recently moved here from the UK and looked better than his pics (which were already cute). I am a sucker for a Brit and so I was really intrigued as to what led him to move here. Turns out his work wanted to open a new office and he said he didn't have much tying him down back home so he volunteered. He'd never even been anywhere in North America before landing in Toronto! He came up to meet me in my neighbourhood in a bitter storm which I really appreciated. We got along really well and I enjoyed chatting with him. Maybe I was rating him higher in my mind because I had not really felt a connection with the other guys, but I thought he was having a good time too. When we left, I said I'd walk him towards the subway as he was unfamiliar with the area, but he seemed really weird about it. I assumed he didn't want to look like he needed help so I just did it, but he got REALLY very awkward about it. He finally was like "I've got it from here" (spoiler alert: he didn't) and I backed off. I sort of forced him to give me a hug and that was that. I didn't hear from him that night. I texted him the next morning to see if he was ok and he replied quickly but the texting died off pretty fast.
The next week he texted me asking whether the gallery where I volunteer was free any night. I told him it was, and I volunteer on that night. He said he'd be at the gallery, but I never saw him. I texted him the next day asking if he'd been at the gallery and he said he had in fact been there. Huh?? Again, the texting died off.
The next day was a Friday, so after a few drinks I texted him asking whether he really just wanted to know whether the gallery was free, or did he want to go out again? He laughed it off and said he wasn't trying to be obtuse and he did want to meet up. We went out the next week and again, had a great time. I felt like he was even implying he wanted to stay longer (I had to work really early in the morning). Then, when we were leaving, again he sort of just bolted off. Not even a hug this time. Huh? Were we just going out as friends? What was happening?!
Again, a few weeks after that, I sent him a random text. Again, texts go back and forth. I was going away the next week on vacation but we agreed to go out when I got back. I got back, made two separate suggestions a few days apart, both of which he turned down (to be fair, they were both fairly last minute) and he didn't make any counter suggestions. We agreed we were both free the next week...which was 2 weeks ago. So I guess another one bites the dust! Honestly probably for the best though. Not a good sign when a guy doesn't even want to hug you goodbye!
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Speed Dating
Speed Dating
I attended a charity speed dating event at Mill St last night that was organized by the Ottawa Gala. This was maybe the third time I've tried speed dating. In the past, it has always been enjoyable, but nothing has really come of it. Third time's a charm? Not really. I met up with two female friends for drinks beforehand. We were all a bit nervous and didn't know what to expect. The result was similar to past events... a lot of extremely nerdy and socially awkward dudes. I actually felt badly for a few of them since they were clearly struggling. If you think about it though, what guy agrees to go speed dating? Hmmm. I think this will be the last time I sign up for an event like that! The kicker was that they screwed up my results. Ah well, at least it was for charity!
UPDATE: Jay
After a week of constant texting back and forth and even chatting on the phone for two hours the night before our second date, Jay bailed on me. I don't know why it surprised me after the luck I've been having lately, but it did. Especially since when I had first started chatting with Jay on pof, I had explained that I was close to deleting my profile and he convinced me not to. In the end, he turned out to be a flaky dude himself, proving my point! Apparently, he was having anxiety being single again and didn't feel like "trying" all of the time when it came to dating. I wished him luck and told him that I hope he finds what he's looking for. Clearly, he's not quite ready to be jumping in the dating pool... or maybe he is, but it's not with me. I am starting to feel like there must be something wrong with me that this keeps happening.
I attended a charity speed dating event at Mill St last night that was organized by the Ottawa Gala. This was maybe the third time I've tried speed dating. In the past, it has always been enjoyable, but nothing has really come of it. Third time's a charm? Not really. I met up with two female friends for drinks beforehand. We were all a bit nervous and didn't know what to expect. The result was similar to past events... a lot of extremely nerdy and socially awkward dudes. I actually felt badly for a few of them since they were clearly struggling. If you think about it though, what guy agrees to go speed dating? Hmmm. I think this will be the last time I sign up for an event like that! The kicker was that they screwed up my results. Ah well, at least it was for charity!
UPDATE: Jay
After a week of constant texting back and forth and even chatting on the phone for two hours the night before our second date, Jay bailed on me. I don't know why it surprised me after the luck I've been having lately, but it did. Especially since when I had first started chatting with Jay on pof, I had explained that I was close to deleting my profile and he convinced me not to. In the end, he turned out to be a flaky dude himself, proving my point! Apparently, he was having anxiety being single again and didn't feel like "trying" all of the time when it came to dating. I wished him luck and told him that I hope he finds what he's looking for. Clearly, he's not quite ready to be jumping in the dating pool... or maybe he is, but it's not with me. I am starting to feel like there must be something wrong with me that this keeps happening.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Jay
I met up with Jay on Easter Sunday after a weekend trip to visit friends in Toronto. We had been chatting for about a week on pof and that seemed to be the earliest we could get together. I was anxious to meet him as we instantly connected over text. He had asked me how pof was treating me and I explained that I was a bit discouraged and tempted to delete my profile (after the Kyle fiasco), but he urged me not to delete it! He seemed sweet.
Granted, while I was enthused to meet Jay, I was also exhausted from a girls weekend of eating and drinking. I literally cabbed home from the train station, showered, changed and headed out the door without eating dinner. In hindsight, I probably wasn't in the right headspace to be going on a date.
Jay is handsome, funny and very polite. The conversation flowed easily, although I think he may have been nervous because on several occasions, he seemed to lose his train of thought. Jay is one year younger than me, about the same height, owns a house in Gatineau with his dog Cash and works for Passport Canada during the day and then also works at Birks on evenings/weekends (a side job he intended to give up, but actually enjoys). I was struck by his 9+ yr relationship on pof so asked him about that. He had dated a girl from age 18-27 and was engaged to be married, but three months before the wedding, he called it off (she cheated). I like that Jay is looking for a serious relationship and wants to start his own family in the near future.
I felt a bit jaded on my date. The truth is, my walls are up. I'm so worried about being disappointed time and time again. I sat there wondering if Jay was into me, but perhaps he was wondering the same about me! After a few hours of chatting over beer and nachos, Jay suggested he grab the bill because he had to head home to let his dog out (he had been in Greely for Easter dinner in the afternoon and came straight to the pub for our date). He offered to give me a ride home, which was very sweet, but I declined. And then he just kind of started to walk toward the parking lot and said goodbye and told me to let him know if he wanted to do it again sometime. No hug?! That was new to me and really kind of threw me for a loop.
When I got home, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a text from Jay asking if I had made it home safely. He then asked if I would like to go out again (but no stress either way). I said sure! We have plans to meet up again on Friday night. I am looking forward to getting to know him in a better headspace with an open mind and heart.
UPDATE: Mike
I randomly received a text on the train home from Toronto from a deleted phone number. It just said "Happy Easter". I was bored, so decided to respond and that got the ball rolling. At one point, the unknown texter sent me a photo of himself as a child (random?!) and that's when it dawned on me that it was Mike (he looks exactly the same). I told him I thought I had advised him to pls lose my number. Obviously, he hadn't. I don't get guys like Mike... the occasional texter with no promise/follow up of a date. It doesn't make sense to me. After a few texts back and forth for a day, I deleted his number again and haven't heard from him since! So bizarre.
UPDATE: Kyle
For those of you who are curious, yep, Kyle was on my train to Toronto... even in the same car as me! I had looked up when we stopped in Fallowfield and saw the side of his profile at the front of the train and promptly hid. I just assumed he was sitting at the front, but then it later dawned on me that his 6 year old daughter was the misbehaved brat running up and down the train aisle the ENTIRE ride, and that he must be sitting behind me. As the train slowed down to a stop, he made a beeline for the front of the train to make their connection to London. As Kyle was walking by me, I elbowed him in the butt accidentally as I went to put on my jacket. I was terrified he would turn around, but he didn't. Pfew. Dodged a bullet!
Granted, while I was enthused to meet Jay, I was also exhausted from a girls weekend of eating and drinking. I literally cabbed home from the train station, showered, changed and headed out the door without eating dinner. In hindsight, I probably wasn't in the right headspace to be going on a date.
Jay is handsome, funny and very polite. The conversation flowed easily, although I think he may have been nervous because on several occasions, he seemed to lose his train of thought. Jay is one year younger than me, about the same height, owns a house in Gatineau with his dog Cash and works for Passport Canada during the day and then also works at Birks on evenings/weekends (a side job he intended to give up, but actually enjoys). I was struck by his 9+ yr relationship on pof so asked him about that. He had dated a girl from age 18-27 and was engaged to be married, but three months before the wedding, he called it off (she cheated). I like that Jay is looking for a serious relationship and wants to start his own family in the near future.
I felt a bit jaded on my date. The truth is, my walls are up. I'm so worried about being disappointed time and time again. I sat there wondering if Jay was into me, but perhaps he was wondering the same about me! After a few hours of chatting over beer and nachos, Jay suggested he grab the bill because he had to head home to let his dog out (he had been in Greely for Easter dinner in the afternoon and came straight to the pub for our date). He offered to give me a ride home, which was very sweet, but I declined. And then he just kind of started to walk toward the parking lot and said goodbye and told me to let him know if he wanted to do it again sometime. No hug?! That was new to me and really kind of threw me for a loop.
When I got home, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a text from Jay asking if I had made it home safely. He then asked if I would like to go out again (but no stress either way). I said sure! We have plans to meet up again on Friday night. I am looking forward to getting to know him in a better headspace with an open mind and heart.
UPDATE: Mike
I randomly received a text on the train home from Toronto from a deleted phone number. It just said "Happy Easter". I was bored, so decided to respond and that got the ball rolling. At one point, the unknown texter sent me a photo of himself as a child (random?!) and that's when it dawned on me that it was Mike (he looks exactly the same). I told him I thought I had advised him to pls lose my number. Obviously, he hadn't. I don't get guys like Mike... the occasional texter with no promise/follow up of a date. It doesn't make sense to me. After a few texts back and forth for a day, I deleted his number again and haven't heard from him since! So bizarre.
UPDATE: Kyle
For those of you who are curious, yep, Kyle was on my train to Toronto... even in the same car as me! I had looked up when we stopped in Fallowfield and saw the side of his profile at the front of the train and promptly hid. I just assumed he was sitting at the front, but then it later dawned on me that his 6 year old daughter was the misbehaved brat running up and down the train aisle the ENTIRE ride, and that he must be sitting behind me. As the train slowed down to a stop, he made a beeline for the front of the train to make their connection to London. As Kyle was walking by me, I elbowed him in the butt accidentally as I went to put on my jacket. I was terrified he would turn around, but he didn't. Pfew. Dodged a bullet!
Monday, March 30, 2015
Kyle
I remember stumbling upon Kyle's profile ages ago, but when I spotted that he was divorced and had a daughter, I quickly retreated. So when Kyle contacted me recently, I decided to give him a shot. His profile really spoke to me and I liked that he knew exactly what he wanted in life. He seemed like a great dad and wanted more kids. I needed to be more open minded, I thought.
We texted back and forth quite a bit for the week where he had his daughter. He worked downtown for DND... as it turned out, only about two blocks away from me. But he lives in Stittsville. He had asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee on Friday, but then practically every day beforehand would ask me if I was free to meet up. I could tell he was anxious to meet me, so I thought that was cute. Unfortunately, it never worked out to meet up ahead of time, so I told him that I looked forward to meeting him on Friday.
Probably my earliest date ever! We met up at Starbucks at 7:30am. Just before I left, he sent me a text with a bunch of questions... "How devoted are you to your partner?", "Are you an affectionate person?", "If you ex called you up, what would you do?". Where was all of this coming from?! I started to worry he would be a weirdo. I called him out on it and he said he just asked, because he'd had some bad experiences meeting women online. So far, they had all been deceitful and selfish. Great. I explained that maybe I could answer his questions AFTER we had met.
Fortunately, in person, Kyle wasn't quite as intense. A good looking guy, tall, well dressed. We chatted easily for an hour and the conversation flowed very nicely. He possesses a lot of qualities I'm looking for in a guy. After we left, Kyle texted to ask if I was free to meet up for a quick drink after work. Sure, why not! Two dates in ONE day? This was unheard of. We met up at Darcy's after work and again, had a very enjoyable conversation and shared lots of laughs.
He shared with me that he had been cheated on numerous times and was very sensitive about it. Understandable, I thought. Poor guy. He said that quite often the women he dated would wind up going back to their ex. Kyle seemed a bit insecure, but it seemed understandable given the circumstances. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling/worry that he might be the jealous type.
We agreed to meet up on Sunday for another date. I didn't hear from him on Saturday which was strange, so I bit the bullet and texted him. He replied saying that he was having a crappy weekend and was feeling down... oh no, is he depressed?! Did I do something wrong? He wouldn't go into detail, but asked if he could get through the day before deciding about tomorrow. Sure...
Flash forward to Sunday. By 11:30am, I texted him to ask how he was feeling. I needed to plan my day! Were we getting together or not? Kyle didn't respond until 5pm asking how my day was going and that he was still feeling a bit "off". I called him out. I was so mad!
The problem with online dating is that you can see when the other person is online... this messes with your head. A lot. Well, I guess it messed with Kyle's. He said that it upset him to see that I was online on Saturday (meanwhile, I was only online to see if he was online!)... that he can't compete with other dudes (even though there is no one else for him to compete with!)... that online dating just isn't for him. He had also made some comment about how the right woman for him wouldn't hesitate with answering his questions. I explained that I had no problem answering questions, but that it had caught me off guard before even meeting him. I knew there had to be more to it. As it turns out, he has decided to give a female friend of his a shot... she would like to be more than just friends. He is opting to go that route because it's "easy" and "comfortable" and that way, he can skip the whole getting-to-know-you part. Desperate/settling much?
I texted him back saying that it was his loss; that he wasn't even going to give me a chance, despite me feeling really excited to get to know him better. He agreed that he thought we had really hit it off, but couldn't possibly put himself through more rejection. He was going to be the selfish one for once.
So in the end, I dodged yet another bullet! But this guy really did a number on me. I was so discouraged yesterday that I had thoughts of deleting my profile. I think I need to take another break from it, at least for a little bit. It really messes with one's head. It sucks when you walk away thinking that you must have done something wrong, when clearly you didn't.
Sidenote: Coincidentally, we are both taking the same train this Friday for Easter weekend. He is taking his daughter to London to visit family, and I am headed to TO to visit a gf. Fingers crossed I don't bump into him!
UPDATE: John
Not much to report here. I had a second date with him on Tuesday that went really well, but have barely heard from him since (and can see that he's on Tinder ALL of the time). I decided to unmatch myself from him and delete his phone number. Realistically, I didn't see how dating him would work. He lives so far away and I would never be able to see him on the weekend because of work/his daughter. Also, I was unimpressed when he dropped a bomb that he also had a 17 year old son AND that he had been fixed so wouldn't be having any more kids. I got the impression he was more interested in a hook-up, than a relationship. Not quite what I'm looking for. NEXT!
I received a mysterious text message a few days later and it turned out to be John. I broke the news to him that I get the impression we are both looking for different things. His response? "ok". Obviously we were on the same page. Wow, that was easy.
UPDATE: Kyle
I can see that he's still online all of the time!!! So maybe there was no "female friend" after all? Who knows.
We texted back and forth quite a bit for the week where he had his daughter. He worked downtown for DND... as it turned out, only about two blocks away from me. But he lives in Stittsville. He had asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee on Friday, but then practically every day beforehand would ask me if I was free to meet up. I could tell he was anxious to meet me, so I thought that was cute. Unfortunately, it never worked out to meet up ahead of time, so I told him that I looked forward to meeting him on Friday.
Probably my earliest date ever! We met up at Starbucks at 7:30am. Just before I left, he sent me a text with a bunch of questions... "How devoted are you to your partner?", "Are you an affectionate person?", "If you ex called you up, what would you do?". Where was all of this coming from?! I started to worry he would be a weirdo. I called him out on it and he said he just asked, because he'd had some bad experiences meeting women online. So far, they had all been deceitful and selfish. Great. I explained that maybe I could answer his questions AFTER we had met.
Fortunately, in person, Kyle wasn't quite as intense. A good looking guy, tall, well dressed. We chatted easily for an hour and the conversation flowed very nicely. He possesses a lot of qualities I'm looking for in a guy. After we left, Kyle texted to ask if I was free to meet up for a quick drink after work. Sure, why not! Two dates in ONE day? This was unheard of. We met up at Darcy's after work and again, had a very enjoyable conversation and shared lots of laughs.
He shared with me that he had been cheated on numerous times and was very sensitive about it. Understandable, I thought. Poor guy. He said that quite often the women he dated would wind up going back to their ex. Kyle seemed a bit insecure, but it seemed understandable given the circumstances. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling/worry that he might be the jealous type.
We agreed to meet up on Sunday for another date. I didn't hear from him on Saturday which was strange, so I bit the bullet and texted him. He replied saying that he was having a crappy weekend and was feeling down... oh no, is he depressed?! Did I do something wrong? He wouldn't go into detail, but asked if he could get through the day before deciding about tomorrow. Sure...
Flash forward to Sunday. By 11:30am, I texted him to ask how he was feeling. I needed to plan my day! Were we getting together or not? Kyle didn't respond until 5pm asking how my day was going and that he was still feeling a bit "off". I called him out. I was so mad!
The problem with online dating is that you can see when the other person is online... this messes with your head. A lot. Well, I guess it messed with Kyle's. He said that it upset him to see that I was online on Saturday (meanwhile, I was only online to see if he was online!)... that he can't compete with other dudes (even though there is no one else for him to compete with!)... that online dating just isn't for him. He had also made some comment about how the right woman for him wouldn't hesitate with answering his questions. I explained that I had no problem answering questions, but that it had caught me off guard before even meeting him. I knew there had to be more to it. As it turns out, he has decided to give a female friend of his a shot... she would like to be more than just friends. He is opting to go that route because it's "easy" and "comfortable" and that way, he can skip the whole getting-to-know-you part. Desperate/settling much?
I texted him back saying that it was his loss; that he wasn't even going to give me a chance, despite me feeling really excited to get to know him better. He agreed that he thought we had really hit it off, but couldn't possibly put himself through more rejection. He was going to be the selfish one for once.
So in the end, I dodged yet another bullet! But this guy really did a number on me. I was so discouraged yesterday that I had thoughts of deleting my profile. I think I need to take another break from it, at least for a little bit. It really messes with one's head. It sucks when you walk away thinking that you must have done something wrong, when clearly you didn't.
Sidenote: Coincidentally, we are both taking the same train this Friday for Easter weekend. He is taking his daughter to London to visit family, and I am headed to TO to visit a gf. Fingers crossed I don't bump into him!
UPDATE: John
Not much to report here. I had a second date with him on Tuesday that went really well, but have barely heard from him since (and can see that he's on Tinder ALL of the time). I decided to unmatch myself from him and delete his phone number. Realistically, I didn't see how dating him would work. He lives so far away and I would never be able to see him on the weekend because of work/his daughter. Also, I was unimpressed when he dropped a bomb that he also had a 17 year old son AND that he had been fixed so wouldn't be having any more kids. I got the impression he was more interested in a hook-up, than a relationship. Not quite what I'm looking for. NEXT!
I received a mysterious text message a few days later and it turned out to be John. I broke the news to him that I get the impression we are both looking for different things. His response? "ok". Obviously we were on the same page. Wow, that was easy.
UPDATE: Kyle
I can see that he's still online all of the time!!! So maybe there was no "female friend" after all? Who knows.
Monday, March 16, 2015
John
John and I had been chatting on Tinder for a few weeks before meeting up at a pub near me. I texted him that I was en route but had to stop at the bank first, to which he responded "Good, it's your turn to buy drinks", so I knew he had a good sense of humour if nothing else.
John is 40 years old, tall (6 feet), divorced and has an 11 year old daughter. He has an interesting job as a prison guard at Kingston Penn and lives in Spencerville which is about 45 mins away. His daughter is in Kanata though, so he said he's "in town" usually 3-4 times a week. To be honest, when he first walked into the pub, I didn't recognize him at first. He looked a bit different from his photos, but in a good way! He said the same about me. He is definitely a good looking guy and looks like he's in great shape. I noticed right away that he has a pretty thick Newfoundland accent (where he's originally from). John seemed really interested in getting to know me and asked me lots of questions about myself - where do I work, what do I do for fun in my spare time, etc. We seem to have quite a bit in common and I like that he enjoys being active as well. He doesn't really know the Ottawa area very well so said he would love to go snowshoeing in Gatineau Park sometime. He loves to cook, travel and enjoys drinking wine.
It is also a good sign that he seems like a really good Dad to his daughter and has a good relationship with his ex, which must make things easier. I'm not 100% sure of the reason for the split or what the custody arrangement is like, but I think he sees his daughter on the weekends. His ex is a dancer and owns her own studio (of course I had to put my creeper skills to the test and search for her... she's gorgeous). I never thought I would date someone who is divorced or has a child, but I'm trying to keep an open mind, have fun and see where it goes.
His job is definitely a scary one, but he seems to be good at it and says it pays well. Still, it involves some shift work but he also gets quite a bit of time off. He was in the military before becoming a guard.
I am excited to show him the city - he said he'd get in touch with me after March Break!
John is 40 years old, tall (6 feet), divorced and has an 11 year old daughter. He has an interesting job as a prison guard at Kingston Penn and lives in Spencerville which is about 45 mins away. His daughter is in Kanata though, so he said he's "in town" usually 3-4 times a week. To be honest, when he first walked into the pub, I didn't recognize him at first. He looked a bit different from his photos, but in a good way! He said the same about me. He is definitely a good looking guy and looks like he's in great shape. I noticed right away that he has a pretty thick Newfoundland accent (where he's originally from). John seemed really interested in getting to know me and asked me lots of questions about myself - where do I work, what do I do for fun in my spare time, etc. We seem to have quite a bit in common and I like that he enjoys being active as well. He doesn't really know the Ottawa area very well so said he would love to go snowshoeing in Gatineau Park sometime. He loves to cook, travel and enjoys drinking wine.
It is also a good sign that he seems like a really good Dad to his daughter and has a good relationship with his ex, which must make things easier. I'm not 100% sure of the reason for the split or what the custody arrangement is like, but I think he sees his daughter on the weekends. His ex is a dancer and owns her own studio (of course I had to put my creeper skills to the test and search for her... she's gorgeous). I never thought I would date someone who is divorced or has a child, but I'm trying to keep an open mind, have fun and see where it goes.
His job is definitely a scary one, but he seems to be good at it and says it pays well. Still, it involves some shift work but he also gets quite a bit of time off. He was in the military before becoming a guard.
I am excited to show him the city - he said he'd get in touch with me after March Break!
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Pat
I started chatting with Pat on pof while I was on vacation in Florida visiting my parents. A good friend of mine commented on how she loved how I was busy lining up dates while on vacay... priorities, people! Ha. We decided to meet the day after I returned. I really didn't know too much about Pat except that he was 42 (older!), and a special education teacher originally from Ottawa.
Initially, we were supposed to meet up at a pub in the market at 8pm but then Pat changed the location to the Pump on Elgin an hour earlier. Easier for me to walk to, I thought. As I headed to the Pump, I texted Pat to ask him how I would find him inside. He responded with the EXACT text I had sent him earlier about running errands after work. It didn't make sense, so I naturally responded with a "?" text. He then called (who calls anymore?!), so I picked up. He explained that the text was meant for his friend and that he was already inside (so was I). He described where he was sitting and I made my way to him. I should point out that his pictures were somewhat blurry online... a potential red flag. He looked like his photos, but definitely appeared older in person. Still, not a bad looking guy. Pat had already ordered himself a beer and made some comment about how he didn't know if I would be showing up (aside: even though I was on time!?).
We chatted for a good three hours and the conversation flowed easily. A few strange things happened though:
1- his phone was blowing UP. and it was out on the table. at one point he "joked" (at least I hope it was a joke) that he should check to see if he had received any new pof messages.
2- the time/location change for the meetup was explained... his buddy works at the police station across the street, so if the date hadn't worked out, he planned to meet up with him for a drink later. ummm thanks, maybe don't tell me that?
3- he asked if I had ever been married/had kids. when I turned it around on him, he explained that he had been married before. I couldn't help but feel slightly duped and wondered why he doesn't mark himself down as "divorced" on his pof profile...although, I guess he was being upfront about it on date #1.
4- there were a few times where he was clearly flirting with our waitress, which was awkward for me to watch.
5- he also told me about how he had been on a date (second date) with a woman the night before our date...
I was (and still am) intrigued by his job. He works with cognitive disordered adolescents who are court ordered to the Robert Smart Centre. He's worked with children in the Oncology dept at CHEO. Any guy that goes into that kind of work must be compassionate, I thought. He seems to love it too, which is refreshing. By age 42, I was keeping my fingers crossed that this guy would have his sh$t together, and it seems like he does... owns a house in Orleans, owns a cottage, good group of friends, good job, loves kids, etc.
After Pat paid for the bill, he got up to put on his jacket and that was the first time I was seeing his body. He definitely was not as athletic as he made himself out to be on pof. As we parted ways, I went in for the hug and then Pat ASKED me for a "little kiss", which even as I type that out, sounds hella creepy. Guys: just go in for the kiss. It's a huge turn-off to ask for one. I was obviously put on the spot and didn't want to, but I gave him a quick peck on the lips and then called it a night. I heard from him later that night saying that he had had a great time and to let him know when I'd like to do it again. He also texted me the next night saying that he was going to be headed out of town to a friend's cottage where there would be no reception, but that we should chat on Sunday. This would be sweet if I were into him, but I just told him to have fun. I did not hear from him on Sunday. In fact, I just heard from him yesterday on Wed.
I need to pay closer attention to my gut, and my gut is telling me that I'm not physically attracted to him.
Initially, we were supposed to meet up at a pub in the market at 8pm but then Pat changed the location to the Pump on Elgin an hour earlier. Easier for me to walk to, I thought. As I headed to the Pump, I texted Pat to ask him how I would find him inside. He responded with the EXACT text I had sent him earlier about running errands after work. It didn't make sense, so I naturally responded with a "?" text. He then called (who calls anymore?!), so I picked up. He explained that the text was meant for his friend and that he was already inside (so was I). He described where he was sitting and I made my way to him. I should point out that his pictures were somewhat blurry online... a potential red flag. He looked like his photos, but definitely appeared older in person. Still, not a bad looking guy. Pat had already ordered himself a beer and made some comment about how he didn't know if I would be showing up (aside: even though I was on time!?).
We chatted for a good three hours and the conversation flowed easily. A few strange things happened though:
1- his phone was blowing UP. and it was out on the table. at one point he "joked" (at least I hope it was a joke) that he should check to see if he had received any new pof messages.
2- the time/location change for the meetup was explained... his buddy works at the police station across the street, so if the date hadn't worked out, he planned to meet up with him for a drink later. ummm thanks, maybe don't tell me that?
3- he asked if I had ever been married/had kids. when I turned it around on him, he explained that he had been married before. I couldn't help but feel slightly duped and wondered why he doesn't mark himself down as "divorced" on his pof profile...although, I guess he was being upfront about it on date #1.
4- there were a few times where he was clearly flirting with our waitress, which was awkward for me to watch.
5- he also told me about how he had been on a date (second date) with a woman the night before our date...
I was (and still am) intrigued by his job. He works with cognitive disordered adolescents who are court ordered to the Robert Smart Centre. He's worked with children in the Oncology dept at CHEO. Any guy that goes into that kind of work must be compassionate, I thought. He seems to love it too, which is refreshing. By age 42, I was keeping my fingers crossed that this guy would have his sh$t together, and it seems like he does... owns a house in Orleans, owns a cottage, good group of friends, good job, loves kids, etc.
After Pat paid for the bill, he got up to put on his jacket and that was the first time I was seeing his body. He definitely was not as athletic as he made himself out to be on pof. As we parted ways, I went in for the hug and then Pat ASKED me for a "little kiss", which even as I type that out, sounds hella creepy. Guys: just go in for the kiss. It's a huge turn-off to ask for one. I was obviously put on the spot and didn't want to, but I gave him a quick peck on the lips and then called it a night. I heard from him later that night saying that he had had a great time and to let him know when I'd like to do it again. He also texted me the next night saying that he was going to be headed out of town to a friend's cottage where there would be no reception, but that we should chat on Sunday. This would be sweet if I were into him, but I just told him to have fun. I did not hear from him on Sunday. In fact, I just heard from him yesterday on Wed.
I need to pay closer attention to my gut, and my gut is telling me that I'm not physically attracted to him.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Jeffrey
Jeffrey was another OkCupid find. He works in the hospitality industry and I love hospitality, so why not? We ended up texting a bit before deciding to meet. We'd discussed our neighbourhoods and when choosing a place he thoughtfully chose somewhere near me (love when guys do this). I got there first because I am always early and was pleasantly surprised when he walked in. He was actually the height he listed on his profile and he looked better than his pictures!
As always, the conversation takes a bit to get started but I don't mind asking questions...at first. I feel like I try really hard to offer natural points for the other person to ask me questions but this guy was just not taking the hint. I told my friends later I felt like the prosecution at a trial. I'd ask where he was from -- didn't ask where I was from. I mentioned I'd gone on a long trip a few years ago -- he didn't ask where/when/why. It got to the point that I decided to just stop asking questions, and we sat in silence for a bit. I thought to myself "maybe he just isn't into me" which, fine, we're nearing the end of the date anyways. He offered to pay but suggested I could cover the tip. Works for me.
We walked back towards the subway together. We hugged goodbye and I figured that was it. He texted me once he'd gotten home. I know I read way too much into people's written communication, but he said it had been, and I'm quoting, "a pleasure talking to [me]. Let's talk soon."
For whatever reason, I texted him a few days after and again, I asked all the questions. The next day he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink that same night. I told him that I had trivia that night and he said "oh, right, Tuesdays!" So he'd really was listening?! Who would have thought. Anyways, stay tuned on this one.
As always, the conversation takes a bit to get started but I don't mind asking questions...at first. I feel like I try really hard to offer natural points for the other person to ask me questions but this guy was just not taking the hint. I told my friends later I felt like the prosecution at a trial. I'd ask where he was from -- didn't ask where I was from. I mentioned I'd gone on a long trip a few years ago -- he didn't ask where/when/why. It got to the point that I decided to just stop asking questions, and we sat in silence for a bit. I thought to myself "maybe he just isn't into me" which, fine, we're nearing the end of the date anyways. He offered to pay but suggested I could cover the tip. Works for me.
We walked back towards the subway together. We hugged goodbye and I figured that was it. He texted me once he'd gotten home. I know I read way too much into people's written communication, but he said it had been, and I'm quoting, "a pleasure talking to [me]. Let's talk soon."
For whatever reason, I texted him a few days after and again, I asked all the questions. The next day he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink that same night. I told him that I had trivia that night and he said "oh, right, Tuesdays!" So he'd really was listening?! Who would have thought. Anyways, stay tuned on this one.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Ahmed
Hey all...I'm back too! I had some weird dating experiences last year that I didn't write about, but I'll start with what's fresh.
I had been on Tinder for a while because I DETEST writing a profile about myself. Dudes on Tinder, however, are even flakier than on regular online dating so I deleted that app late last year and re-joined OkCupid.
I got a random message from a guy whose profile contains what are normally two red flags for me: No face pictures, and an insistence that he's looking for something casual as opposed to a girlfriend. However, the profile was very well-written and seemed thought out, so I figured why not reply?
Our online chats were good but it got to a point where I had to know what he looked like. I gave him my number and asked if he could text me a picture. I don't know what's wrong with me but I had decided that he was probably SO GOOD LOOKING that it was a problem to put his pic online. I literally imagined him as a real life Archer.
Suffice it to say, he was normal looking, but no Archer. Not a problem in any way. Chemistry is a bigger deal for me than how someone looks. He said "this is your get out of jail free card!" but I did still want to meet up. Also, contrary to what his profile would have me believe, the dude texted me like 25 times a day.
We ended up meeting near him, which meant me trekking east on the coldest day of the year here. When he found out I was taking the bus, he suggested I get off at a stop that was near him and we'd walk together. I got off the bus: No one waiting for me. I had no idea which direction he was coming from but eventually figured out who he was because we were both the only people looking around like we were looking for someone! Bear in mind I was also bundled up to the point where you could only see my eyes.
The conversation felt a bit stilted but then again we were meeting for the first time. It felt like it flowed a bit more over text. I hate awkward silences so I am always trying to fill them. Over a few drinks and dinner at the pub it didn't feel like it was flowing any better. We just didn't seem to have a lot in common, interests-wise or elsewhere.
Also, and I hate mentioning this, but he was exactly my height (5'6"). I try not to let this bug me, and maybe if everything else were going right, it wouldn't be such an issue.
At one point during dinner, he asked me if I was a red wine or white wine person. I said red (and was drinking red at the time). He was like "well I think I have some back at my place..." Um...what??! I am definitely not going over to your place tonight.
Anyways, after dinner was over he walked me back to the bus stop. He texted later that night to say he'd had a good time and to make sure I had gotten home ok. He started texting me again the next morning at 7:45. Normally I would love that, but I knew I wasn't into him. I forced myself to be mature and let him know that I was feeling more of a friend vibe (I have been the victim of the fadeaway too often and know how harsh that is). He accepted it very well, and chalked it up to the nature of dating, but let me know that he was definitely looking for a romantic connection and not a friendship.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Update & General Frustrations with the Online Dating World
BEN (UPDATE): We ended up going on a second date a few days later and went skating on the canal. I definitely got more of a friend vibe. There wasn't much romance going on, especially when (yet again) he didn't pay for my drink post-skating. There were many other red flags too. Ah well, I gave it a shot!
Sadly, I am left with no prospects. But I AM looking forward to escaping this cold and heading down south very soon! Will be good to come back feeling refreshed.
In the meantime... I just want to put it out there that I don't think I'm being unreasonable in the following ways:
- I think it's more than reasonable to expect a guy to get back to me within a 24-48hr timeframe (emphasis on 24hr), unless he is obviously out of the country or busy with something. What's up with these dudes who follow up DAYS later to a simple text? It literally takes two seconds. Are they too busy to date?
- I want to feel special. At least a little bit. Especially on a first date! So please, do me a favour and at least offer to pay for my drinks/dinner. Huge turn off if you don't and I know you've got the cash with that great job you've got. Pick me up, walk me home OR make sure I got home safely after a night date. Your concern means a lot to us ladies. It shows that you care.
- I'm tired of excuses like "oh, i lost my phone for a week and a half" or "sorry, my cell phone signal is really weak at my place". Seriously? Do you think I'm that dumb? Meanwhile, I can SEE that you are online.
- PLAN. A. DATE. Don't put it all on me to chase after you every time you want to meet up. Hell, you don't even have to plan it. But at least pick a day and time you want to see me (preferably not the day of). I remember asking Robert mid-week if he wanted to get together on the weekend and it was "too soon" to commit to plans (aka he clearly was waiting for something better to come up, at least that's what it felt like).
- Show that you're interested. Don't follow the three day rule. Or hey, if you're NOT interested, don't pretend to be. That is the worst. I'm a big girl and can take it.
- Invite me over to your place (but not on the first date). The second that you are always coming over to mine, red flags start to go off. What are you hiding over there... a gf? Wife? Drugs? Dead bodies?
Sadly, I am left with no prospects. But I AM looking forward to escaping this cold and heading down south very soon! Will be good to come back feeling refreshed.
In the meantime... I just want to put it out there that I don't think I'm being unreasonable in the following ways:
- I think it's more than reasonable to expect a guy to get back to me within a 24-48hr timeframe (emphasis on 24hr), unless he is obviously out of the country or busy with something. What's up with these dudes who follow up DAYS later to a simple text? It literally takes two seconds. Are they too busy to date?
- I want to feel special. At least a little bit. Especially on a first date! So please, do me a favour and at least offer to pay for my drinks/dinner. Huge turn off if you don't and I know you've got the cash with that great job you've got. Pick me up, walk me home OR make sure I got home safely after a night date. Your concern means a lot to us ladies. It shows that you care.
- I'm tired of excuses like "oh, i lost my phone for a week and a half" or "sorry, my cell phone signal is really weak at my place". Seriously? Do you think I'm that dumb? Meanwhile, I can SEE that you are online.
- PLAN. A. DATE. Don't put it all on me to chase after you every time you want to meet up. Hell, you don't even have to plan it. But at least pick a day and time you want to see me (preferably not the day of). I remember asking Robert mid-week if he wanted to get together on the weekend and it was "too soon" to commit to plans (aka he clearly was waiting for something better to come up, at least that's what it felt like).
- Show that you're interested. Don't follow the three day rule. Or hey, if you're NOT interested, don't pretend to be. That is the worst. I'm a big girl and can take it.
- Invite me over to your place (but not on the first date). The second that you are always coming over to mine, red flags start to go off. What are you hiding over there... a gf? Wife? Drugs? Dead bodies?
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Ben
i first met Ben four years ago at a mutual friend's house party. at the time, i had a boyfriend... but i did remember that Ben stood out to me and that i felt a connection with him. after the party, we added each other to facebook and i saw him at said friend's parties over the years. he even invited me to his bday party last year, but i couldn't go.
well, a few weeks ago our (very gay) friend had his birthday party and Ben was there. we didn't really get to chat much at the party, but we stood beside each other for most of the night. at the end of the night, the troops headed out to the gay bar and it wasn't until i got there that i noticed Ben must have gone home. i decided to send him a facebook message saying that i was sorry i didn't get to say good-bye to him (or talk to him at all, for that matter!) and hoped he had fun at the party. he responded rather quickly and said that we should catch up sometime. i agreed. he suggested wed night but i had a busy week, so we postponed our meet up by a week and aimed for a fri night.
i'm going to be honest... while i didn't think Ben was gay (and had been told by our mutual friend that he is straight), i couldn't help but wonder what straight man hangs out with so many gay men and watches Rupaul's Drag Race. was this a red flag? is he just very comfortable with his sexuality? as i've said before, it's important that the person i date be ok with the gays because they are such a huge part of my life and i love them dearly!
the day of our date (or is it a meet up?), i still had no idea what we would be doing or a time/location (this seems to be a theme among dudes). finally, Ben texted me in the afternoon and suggested a time/location at a pub, and then also suggested hitting up Timekode/DJ night at Winterlude. i liked that he was taking charge! he texted me again later to say that he was free to meet up earlier if i wanted, but i was just heading home from the gym after a training course so wasn't sure if i could make it in time. funny, i then bumped into Ben on my walk home and said i had just texted him. i also wanted to find out if he would be eating dinner at the pub or not (he said yes). that eliminated some time for me in getting ready. now what to wear to a pub-slash-outdoor event?! layers.
we met up at the pub and in a lot of ways, it was really nice to not feel nervous about wondering what he's going to look like, etc. the conversation flowed quite easily. i discovered that he works for PCO, originates from Calgary, but went to school in Vancouver and then moved to Ottawa for the job. his mom/sister still live in Calgary, but his brother is in Vancouver. no mention of his Dad... i also still don't know how old Ben is, but assuming/hoping he's in his 30s! he rents an apt on his own near where i live . he is also quite active in jiu jitsu so he talked about that in length.. to the point where i had flashbacks to Lukas discussing golf (who I forgot to blog about, oops), but fortunately, Ben caught himself and opted to talk about something "more interesting". i did feel like Ben didn't really ask me much about myself, but i started to get the impression that maybe he was a little bit nervous. we ordered burgers and salad and had a few beers and then decided it was best to head to Winterlude. the moment of truth! the bill arrived and he did not offer to pay :(
it was really fun checking out the ice sculptures at Winterlude. and the DJ event was neat too! great music. Ottawa can be kind of pathetic sometimes though... the crowd was very small. Ben started dancing which was funny... i felt like i needed many more drinks before i could feel comfortable dancing in front of a (small) crowd, but i did it. the event was short-lived. i think we were there for a good 20 minutes and then it shut down promptly at 10pm (lame!). Ben went in for the kiss and held my hand as we walked to a pub on Elgin for one last drink (again, he did not pay!). there was an awkward moment in the pub when a girl came over to Ben to "say hi". the look on his face said it all - definitely his ex gf, and she was sitting two tables over from us. things got a bit awkward after that; i felt like he got quiet. apparently they split about 8 months ago and were together for over a year. in any case, i'm sure it would be awkward for me too if my ex was within earshot of my date. we hopped in a cab (he paid!) and called it a night.
i had a lot of fun on the date, it felt comfortable and easy and there is chemistry between us. we'll see where it goes/if i hear from him again. we did briefly talk about maybe going skating on sunday as well as attending a beer festival next weekend.
well, a few weeks ago our (very gay) friend had his birthday party and Ben was there. we didn't really get to chat much at the party, but we stood beside each other for most of the night. at the end of the night, the troops headed out to the gay bar and it wasn't until i got there that i noticed Ben must have gone home. i decided to send him a facebook message saying that i was sorry i didn't get to say good-bye to him (or talk to him at all, for that matter!) and hoped he had fun at the party. he responded rather quickly and said that we should catch up sometime. i agreed. he suggested wed night but i had a busy week, so we postponed our meet up by a week and aimed for a fri night.
i'm going to be honest... while i didn't think Ben was gay (and had been told by our mutual friend that he is straight), i couldn't help but wonder what straight man hangs out with so many gay men and watches Rupaul's Drag Race. was this a red flag? is he just very comfortable with his sexuality? as i've said before, it's important that the person i date be ok with the gays because they are such a huge part of my life and i love them dearly!
the day of our date (or is it a meet up?), i still had no idea what we would be doing or a time/location (this seems to be a theme among dudes). finally, Ben texted me in the afternoon and suggested a time/location at a pub, and then also suggested hitting up Timekode/DJ night at Winterlude. i liked that he was taking charge! he texted me again later to say that he was free to meet up earlier if i wanted, but i was just heading home from the gym after a training course so wasn't sure if i could make it in time. funny, i then bumped into Ben on my walk home and said i had just texted him. i also wanted to find out if he would be eating dinner at the pub or not (he said yes). that eliminated some time for me in getting ready. now what to wear to a pub-slash-outdoor event?! layers.
we met up at the pub and in a lot of ways, it was really nice to not feel nervous about wondering what he's going to look like, etc. the conversation flowed quite easily. i discovered that he works for PCO, originates from Calgary, but went to school in Vancouver and then moved to Ottawa for the job. his mom/sister still live in Calgary, but his brother is in Vancouver. no mention of his Dad... i also still don't know how old Ben is, but assuming/hoping he's in his 30s! he rents an apt on his own near where i live . he is also quite active in jiu jitsu so he talked about that in length.. to the point where i had flashbacks to Lukas discussing golf (who I forgot to blog about, oops), but fortunately, Ben caught himself and opted to talk about something "more interesting". i did feel like Ben didn't really ask me much about myself, but i started to get the impression that maybe he was a little bit nervous. we ordered burgers and salad and had a few beers and then decided it was best to head to Winterlude. the moment of truth! the bill arrived and he did not offer to pay :(
it was really fun checking out the ice sculptures at Winterlude. and the DJ event was neat too! great music. Ottawa can be kind of pathetic sometimes though... the crowd was very small. Ben started dancing which was funny... i felt like i needed many more drinks before i could feel comfortable dancing in front of a (small) crowd, but i did it. the event was short-lived. i think we were there for a good 20 minutes and then it shut down promptly at 10pm (lame!). Ben went in for the kiss and held my hand as we walked to a pub on Elgin for one last drink (again, he did not pay!). there was an awkward moment in the pub when a girl came over to Ben to "say hi". the look on his face said it all - definitely his ex gf, and she was sitting two tables over from us. things got a bit awkward after that; i felt like he got quiet. apparently they split about 8 months ago and were together for over a year. in any case, i'm sure it would be awkward for me too if my ex was within earshot of my date. we hopped in a cab (he paid!) and called it a night.
i had a lot of fun on the date, it felt comfortable and easy and there is chemistry between us. we'll see where it goes/if i hear from him again. we did briefly talk about maybe going skating on sunday as well as attending a beer festival next weekend.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Scott
Scott and I had only been chatting briefly before one of us suggested meeting up. That's the way I like to roll... why drag out a text messaging relationship if you have zero chemistry when you meet up in person?
I didn't know much about Scott before meeting up with him except that he's 2 years older than me, works for a family-run insurance company (he's a partner in the company), owns a townhouse in Barrhaven and is originally from Ottawa. He also seems to love playing hockey with his buddies.
We met up at the Clocktower. I had asked if he would be willing to come out my way, since I am without a vehicle and he said that wasn't a problem. He also scored huge brownie points by asking me if he could pick me up. I politely declined, but expressed how great it was that he had asked! Chivalry is not dead (maybe). Oddly enough, Scott said that this was his fourth date at the Clocktower ha ha. Apparently it's a big hit with the ladies. What a coincidence. He must be so sick of that place!
Scott is cute and we had a good time chatting over a few beers and shared some chips and dip. He seems like a very positive person who loves to laugh a lot, which is important. Scott must be the youngest looking 38 year old I've ever seen... I would never guess that he is 38! He's also a bit on the short side... well, his profile says he's 5'11. I am trying to overlook height in case I'm missing out on a great guy. Still, I couldn't help but wish he was just a little bit taller...
Things I discovered about Scott on our date:
- his parents split when he was around 8. His mom remarried twice after that, moved to Toronto, and is now back in Stittsville. He has tons of step-siblings, but is closest to his biological brother. He is also much closer to his Dad.
- he was trying not to watch the Habs play last night, although I did catch him peeking at the score a few times (but not enough that it was distracting or rude).
- he grew up out near the airport and went to both Brookfield and Merivale high school. He then went on to Algonquin College (I can't remember what he took there...), but then wound up in the family business.
- he drinks Coors Light, which I made fun of. Not that a guy has to be super into craft beer, but it would be nice...
- like me, most of his friends are married. He did say that he has one 'wingman' left.
- he thanked me for looking like my photos. Apparently he had been on a date with a woman who was double in size compared to her photos. He even added her on Facebook before meeting up and all of her photos on Facebook had been doctored as well! Who does that?!
- he has two gay uncles on his mom's side of the family. As silly as it may seem, I need to be with someone who is ok with my gaggle of gay men that are some of my closest friends.
After a few hours, he got the bill and we parted ways. I went in for a hug, and I think he wanted a kiss, so we did the awkward first date dance and he ended up kissing my cheek. Maybe next time, buddy! I do think there will be another date. I asked him what he was up to this weekend (out of curiosity) and he said he was going to have friends over to his place to watch UFC on Saturday but suggested we do dinner beforehand. I explained that I will be at a beer festival and then he seemed interested in learning more about the festival and said he's not tied to UFC...
When I got home, he said that he should have offered me a ride home (yes, you should have). The thought was nice. At least it's on his radar, unlike some dudes! I can't believe how many guys just don't care if a single woman makes it home safely walking home late at night.
***
SCOTT (UPDATE): Never heard from him again.
MIKE (UPDATE): Mike did make a return after I had carefully avoided many text messages from him. I caved. We had plans to meet up and then he bailed (AGAIN). What's the saying? Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me. Exactly. I told him to lose my number. This time for good!
ROBERT (UPDATE): Not much to update here. I occasionally hear from him, but he seems to be going through a rough time sorting out his next big job. While I can appreciate that, it is frustrating that he put himself out there as being ready to date. In this case, I think it's just an issue of poor timing. That being said, I do really like him... but won't be waiting around for him to get his stuff together (been there, done that).
I didn't know much about Scott before meeting up with him except that he's 2 years older than me, works for a family-run insurance company (he's a partner in the company), owns a townhouse in Barrhaven and is originally from Ottawa. He also seems to love playing hockey with his buddies.
We met up at the Clocktower. I had asked if he would be willing to come out my way, since I am without a vehicle and he said that wasn't a problem. He also scored huge brownie points by asking me if he could pick me up. I politely declined, but expressed how great it was that he had asked! Chivalry is not dead (maybe). Oddly enough, Scott said that this was his fourth date at the Clocktower ha ha. Apparently it's a big hit with the ladies. What a coincidence. He must be so sick of that place!
Scott is cute and we had a good time chatting over a few beers and shared some chips and dip. He seems like a very positive person who loves to laugh a lot, which is important. Scott must be the youngest looking 38 year old I've ever seen... I would never guess that he is 38! He's also a bit on the short side... well, his profile says he's 5'11. I am trying to overlook height in case I'm missing out on a great guy. Still, I couldn't help but wish he was just a little bit taller...
Things I discovered about Scott on our date:
- his parents split when he was around 8. His mom remarried twice after that, moved to Toronto, and is now back in Stittsville. He has tons of step-siblings, but is closest to his biological brother. He is also much closer to his Dad.
- he was trying not to watch the Habs play last night, although I did catch him peeking at the score a few times (but not enough that it was distracting or rude).
- he grew up out near the airport and went to both Brookfield and Merivale high school. He then went on to Algonquin College (I can't remember what he took there...), but then wound up in the family business.
- he drinks Coors Light, which I made fun of. Not that a guy has to be super into craft beer, but it would be nice...
- like me, most of his friends are married. He did say that he has one 'wingman' left.
- he thanked me for looking like my photos. Apparently he had been on a date with a woman who was double in size compared to her photos. He even added her on Facebook before meeting up and all of her photos on Facebook had been doctored as well! Who does that?!
- he has two gay uncles on his mom's side of the family. As silly as it may seem, I need to be with someone who is ok with my gaggle of gay men that are some of my closest friends.
After a few hours, he got the bill and we parted ways. I went in for a hug, and I think he wanted a kiss, so we did the awkward first date dance and he ended up kissing my cheek. Maybe next time, buddy! I do think there will be another date. I asked him what he was up to this weekend (out of curiosity) and he said he was going to have friends over to his place to watch UFC on Saturday but suggested we do dinner beforehand. I explained that I will be at a beer festival and then he seemed interested in learning more about the festival and said he's not tied to UFC...
When I got home, he said that he should have offered me a ride home (yes, you should have). The thought was nice. At least it's on his radar, unlike some dudes! I can't believe how many guys just don't care if a single woman makes it home safely walking home late at night.
***
SCOTT (UPDATE): Never heard from him again.
MIKE (UPDATE): Mike did make a return after I had carefully avoided many text messages from him. I caved. We had plans to meet up and then he bailed (AGAIN). What's the saying? Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me. Exactly. I told him to lose my number. This time for good!
ROBERT (UPDATE): Not much to update here. I occasionally hear from him, but he seems to be going through a rough time sorting out his next big job. While I can appreciate that, it is frustrating that he put himself out there as being ready to date. In this case, I think it's just an issue of poor timing. That being said, I do really like him... but won't be waiting around for him to get his stuff together (been there, done that).
Monday, January 12, 2015
Jean
Jean contacted me on pof. He didn't have a photo up, but sent me a few photos of himself. He was cute, I thought! We messaged back and forth quite a bit before moving over to text messaging each other. He is the same age as me, 6'2", moved to Ottawa about 12 years ago and has an interesting background. Both of his parents are from France, he was born in Australia but grew up in South Africa. So of course his accent was immediately charming :) We seemed to have quite a bit in common.. in fact, we discovered that we both work in the same building! Only three floors apart. He also knew a few of my coworkers, so I confronted one of them to ask for the 411 on this guy. She had nothing but nice things to say about him. That made me feel better. I liked that Jean was very family oriented and desperately wanted kids himself. In fact, he primarily dated single mothers in the past.
We met up on Saturday at a pub for drinks, but it was packed due to the football game. We decided to move to a different pub just down the street. The conversation flowed quite nicely. Somehow we got on the topic of karaoke and he said "oh, we should go!". I didn't think he meant THAT NIGHT, but he did. It was very spontaneous and fun. I liked that he was up for anything. Jean drove me home and gave me a kiss good-night. This guy seems amazing, I thought! Too good to be true?
Apparently! The next day he texted me to say that he had a great time with me, shared lots of laughs, and would like to see me again. One day later, he texted to say that he just didn't feel a spark with me and hoped we could remain friends. WTF?! Dating in general can be super frustrating and make you re-think ever getting excited about a decent prospect. I couldn't let it go. I responded saying that I was a bit surprised, given that just the other day he had said he wanted to see me again. I mean, really, what happened in the span of one day that made him change his mind? Better to have found out sooner rather than later, I suppose.
In any case, I have never been good at dating more than one person at a time, so I will focus on Robert for now.
Hopefully there won't be too many awkward run-ins at work!
We met up on Saturday at a pub for drinks, but it was packed due to the football game. We decided to move to a different pub just down the street. The conversation flowed quite nicely. Somehow we got on the topic of karaoke and he said "oh, we should go!". I didn't think he meant THAT NIGHT, but he did. It was very spontaneous and fun. I liked that he was up for anything. Jean drove me home and gave me a kiss good-night. This guy seems amazing, I thought! Too good to be true?
Apparently! The next day he texted me to say that he had a great time with me, shared lots of laughs, and would like to see me again. One day later, he texted to say that he just didn't feel a spark with me and hoped we could remain friends. WTF?! Dating in general can be super frustrating and make you re-think ever getting excited about a decent prospect. I couldn't let it go. I responded saying that I was a bit surprised, given that just the other day he had said he wanted to see me again. I mean, really, what happened in the span of one day that made him change his mind? Better to have found out sooner rather than later, I suppose.
In any case, I have never been good at dating more than one person at a time, so I will focus on Robert for now.
Hopefully there won't be too many awkward run-ins at work!
Robert
I met Robert through Tinder, an app that typically is known for hooking up. Surprisingly, most of the dudes I've been chatting with on Tinder are looking for something real. Robert even said he's looking for a life partner, so that was refreshing to hear. We instantly had 'text chemistry', I guess you could say...which always worries me when you actually meet up with the person. What if he's good on paper but the chemistry doesn't translate face-to-face?
Robert is one year younger than me and is a media/communications guy who works for a not-for-profit organization. I like that he has many different interests... anything from book club to snowboarding to being a bit of a foodie like me. He has an adorable dog that he rescued. My first impression of him is that he is a sweet, sensitive type of guy. He was in a three year relationship and then an eight year relationship prior to that.
We met up at a brew pub for drinks and when I arrived, Robert was already there. I immediately felt very comfortable with him, almost like I knew him. He looked much cuter in person than in his photos. I think the more dates I've been going on, the easier and less nervous I feel. We chatted for several hours about our lives, including exes and complicated family history. Things that I'm not sure you would normally talk about so openly on a first date, but it felt ok. After Robert paid for the bill, we walked home together. Turns out, we live in the same neighbourhood!
We have texted back and forth quite a bit during the week. We both had a busy few days and then he was out of town in Montreal on the weekend. The plan is to meet up tonight. I am really looking forward to seeing him again! I definitely felt a connection. Hopefully the feeling is mutual.
Robert is one year younger than me and is a media/communications guy who works for a not-for-profit organization. I like that he has many different interests... anything from book club to snowboarding to being a bit of a foodie like me. He has an adorable dog that he rescued. My first impression of him is that he is a sweet, sensitive type of guy. He was in a three year relationship and then an eight year relationship prior to that.
We met up at a brew pub for drinks and when I arrived, Robert was already there. I immediately felt very comfortable with him, almost like I knew him. He looked much cuter in person than in his photos. I think the more dates I've been going on, the easier and less nervous I feel. We chatted for several hours about our lives, including exes and complicated family history. Things that I'm not sure you would normally talk about so openly on a first date, but it felt ok. After Robert paid for the bill, we walked home together. Turns out, we live in the same neighbourhood!
We have texted back and forth quite a bit during the week. We both had a busy few days and then he was out of town in Montreal on the weekend. The plan is to meet up tonight. I am really looking forward to seeing him again! I definitely felt a connection. Hopefully the feeling is mutual.
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