Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Following the rules

When asked J if I could contribute to this blog, she asked me if I was doing any online dating. I was way too scared for way too long, especially after getting rejected from eHarmony after doing that whole frigging questionnaire. But...new city, new chances! Just signed up for Match.com today. It's like online shopping!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

My guardian angel

Last night, out of nowhere, at the bar around 2:15 I somehow absolutely had to text this guy who I am semi-obsessed with. He lives in Ottawa. I am in Toronto.

Of course my friend, other C, said pretty much "this is the worst idea ever. Stop. Seriously." I paid no heed. A random stranger/angel (strangel?) came up and said "who are you texting? whatever it is, it can definitely wait until morning." And I put my phone away. Just like that. THANK YOU, guardian strangel!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Santa update

So, still haven't heard from my Santa. Part of me is telling myself that I got in touch with him on a weird email, it's super close to Christmas, and so on. But I check all of my emails all the time, even at this time of the year, so...? As Jay-Z says, on to the next one!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Santa Overload

As mentioned, I recently got back from a really long trip. I found it so easy to chat with people -- all people, but especially guys -- when I was away. I don't know if it was because I was lonely or bored, or if for once I didn't have an ulterior motive (i.e. wasn't always* hitting on them). I resolved that when I came home, I would approach things in the same laissez-faire way. Easier said than done. There's just some kind of psychological effect when you know you are back home.

Luckily, I have another friend who's just come back from an even longer trip, and we've chatted about this effect. We went out together the other night, and I think we resolved that we would treat it the way we would have treated a night out when we were each away only that now I think I might have only thought that in my own mind. Doesn't matter, because it TOTALLY WORKED.

We had planned to go to one particular bar, and when we got there it was full of Santas. We were the only people not dressed like Santa, or Santa's helper, or sexy elves, or whatever else women dress like when they are on Christmas-themed pub crawls. We had missed the memo. However, all this Santa-ness made for a really easy way to chat with people. We were meeting dudes while we were already chatting to other dudes! It was insane. (Also, a huge difference from Ottawa, where there always seem to be way more ladies than guys.) We really didn't have anything to lose, because there were literally always more guys in the mix.

We somehow ended up ensconced in a sports team's pub crawl (also Santa-themed). My friend and I ended up entranced by two of them in particular, and they ended up with us back at her place. I thought my guy was going to ask for my number, but I think he couldn't remember my name? In any case, he didn't ask. So later in the day, after a nap, my friend and I decided to go all Sherlock Holmes on them. Her dude had an unusual name, and that combined with their team led us directly to them. We thought we were so smart...until she texted me later to say she had found a team sticker in her vegetable crisper. They must have wanted to be found! At least, that's how we interpreted it. I used the opportunity to email my guy. Still waiting to hear back (ha).

*I was hitting on them, sometimes.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

"Insights into the Delusional Relationships Women in their Mid-thirties Explore with Men Overseas"

Hi all! When J asked for contributors I didn't think I had anything good to add...till I went on a super long overseas trip. I expected that I would meet a ton of guys over the months I was away, but it turned out who I met were either age-appropriate guys travelling with their girlfriends, or nineteen year olds.

Which brings me to the title of this post. It's in quotation marks because another friend suggested it. I can't take credit. My trip ended in London, where luckily I know a ton of people....including a photographer who I will only describe as older, touching on age-inappropriate. We had a weird thing last year, and I figured what the heck, I would get in touch with him again this year despite not having heard from him for about 8 months. The dude replied to my text in 30 seconds, leading me to believe he was a) eager to be in touch and b) still single. We agreed to meet up the following week, which was basically ASAP for him as he was travelling.

I really worried about the greeting. Would we hug? Kiss on the cheek? Something else I couldn't even imagine? Luckily I didn't have to worry because he was on the phone when we finally found each other on the train station. He mouthed "sorry, it's work"....and apparently this was what I had waited eight months for. He took me to a really nice restaurant/bar where we had a glass of wine and then he asked me if I wanted to get something to eat. Clearly he was re-enjoying my company. We ended up at a tasty little Lebanese place -- which we went to because I had told him Lebanese food was my favourite thing I had eaten while I had been away -- and when he dropped me off at the end of the night, we kissed like it was completely normal and exactly what was supposed to happen.

The next night we had made plans to go to a museum, but he texted me during the day and asked me if I wanted to come to his place for dinner. I am nosey and was also sick of eating in restaurants, so my response was an enthusiastic yes. He picked me up when he was done work and we eventually, after 2 hours in traffic, got to his place. It was gorgeous. I was all "so this is what it's like to date an actual man!" We had dinner with candles and music. It was fantastic. And of course...I had to fly back to Canada two days later.

We saw each other again, and were all mushy, and texted all the time. I totally blocked out the fact that this was exactly what happened last year, and that after a month I stopped hearing from him. You see what's coming. We continued to email, text, Skype, and so on when I got home. After a few weeks, I started asking myself wtf I was doing. I decided I had to say something. He asked me on Skype IM one day how I was doing, and I said I was doing kinda crappy about being back at home and looking for work, and also the fact he lived so far away. He got weird, as indicated by his not typing. Basically all I could get out of him was that what did I expect, we always knew we lived far away from each other? I was vaguely satisfied with myself for bringing it up, even though I didn't really get an answer.

A week went by and I didn't hear from him at all. This was a man who had previously to this been emailing me at least once a day, if not more. I was pissed, to say the least. At the end of that week, I decided I had to do something. I didn't want to just let it go like I did last year. I emailed him and told him that what he was doing was hurtful. He actually replied to this email with one of the nicest letdown emails I have ever gotten, which basically said he found me wonderful but had had bad experiences in long distance relationships before and the whole concept did not appeal to him.

So let this be a lesson to you...speak up when someone is being a douche! You might just get a super nice email in reply. And in hindsight, I am so relieved. Who really wants to do long-distance anyways?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Seeking Blog Contributors!

my intent for this blog was to really blog about dating life. now that i'm in a relationship, this blog has become a bust!

are you single and want to share your dating stories and experiences? it would be a-mazing if you'd like to contribute to my blog (anonymously, if you'd prefer). KK, i'm looking in your direction -- you know who you are! if you are interested, please send me an email to: jenca2001@yahoo.com and i will set it up. men and women welcome.

happy dating!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Update: Brian

i thought i should probably provide a little update on life with Brian...things are still going really well and i am enjoying dating him (exclusively, i might add). only time will tell where things will go. in the meantime, we are enjoying each other's company and planning fun events together this summer! :) life is good.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Double Dater

things with brian have moved really quickly and everything is going really well. we've met some of each other's friends, he's sweet, we mutually keep in touch often and i enjoy his company. hell, we're even planning a vacation together. all of that being said, i am well aware that we haven't known each other for very long and probably won't have an "exclusive" conversation for some time. i don't want to get too invested in brian too quickly - for all i know, he could be out dating other chicks.

this leads me to kyle.

i was set up with kyle through a friend of a friend. we met up for coffee this evening (hello, sober date!) in the glebe. now, to be honest, i did have a moment where i felt guilty before going on the date. brian had called to see what i was up to - i'm not very good at lying: "oh, just getting together with a friend." i've never been very good at dating more than one person at a time. but i digress... kyle is 33, funny, owns his own house in the south end of the city, works from home for a financial company, and is originally from thunder bay but has a brother living in the city. he's cute - kind of has a colin farrell thing going on. we immediately launched into talk of jobs, family, travel, and live music. i thought the date was going well, but after roughly an hour, kyle sort of abruptly claimed he had to go meet up with a buddy of his. to be honest, it threw me off. i was JUST getting to know this guy, and i thought things were going well, and he's ready to leave? i figured he either double booked himself or maybe it was an excuse to get out of a bad date. one thing that i did notice on our date was that he didn't seem to be paying attention to our conversation. for example, we had this whole conversation about how i didn't own a car, and then he'd ask me where i parked. it happened several times - maybe nerves or a serious case of ADD? at the end of our (short but sweet) date, kyle did say that we should get together again. so we shall see!

in other news - my eharmony account expired yesterday. i didn't renew it because i was honestly really disappointed in my eharmony experience over the past 6 months. i was VERY rarely contacted by any of my matches, or i would communicate with someone and get halfway through the eharmony stages and then it would fizzle. the site has clearly worked for some of my friends, and maybe i will try it again in the future, but for now, i am taking a break from it.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Round 2: Brian

i had a second date with brian last night. the short version: he picked me up and we went out for dinner and spent the rest of the evening watching tv and chatting. he looked really cute (he shaved and got a hair cut!). i really enjoy his company and look forward to getting to know him better! we are already talking about how he's going to cook for me, going whitewater rafting this summer, etc so it's nice to know that the feeling is mutual. the time seems to slip by when we're together and it feels like i've known him longer than i have. we have plans to meet up again on fri night!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Brian

after a few weeks of chatting back and forth on POF, i decided to ask Brian out. there was something about his profile - he didn't take himself too seriously and was funny. he was feeling sick at the time, but said he would definitely like to meet once he was feeling better. he gave me his # and we texted back and forth quite a bit this past weekend. on two occasions he invited me out with his friends, but that would be such an awkward first encounter. or would it? sometimes i feel like a good friend screening and stamp of approval would be really nice to have. call me old fashioned, but i like to meet up one-on-one the first time. he may have suggested it because he was fairly new to POF and had never met up with anyone before. the poor guy had had a terrible weekend with a flooded apartment and was practically homeless, just couch surfing with the few friends he's made in ottawa who have stuck around over the past 6 years.

rewind: a bit about brian. he's 4 years younger than me, 6'2", athletic build, lives downtown (on his own) and has a nice smile. it kind of freaks me out how attractive he is. brian works in a management position for a pool service company. he doesn't like it, and his plan would be to go to law school. he's also pretty serious about learning french, something that would be really beneficial to working in the gov't, etc. originally from cambridge, brian moved to ottawa (wait for it...) because he's a Sens fan. he was a bit embarrassed about admitting that, but i think it's great. i asked him if he plans to stick around in the city and he said yes. he has a sister who has two kids, and i'm pretty sure all of his family still lives in southern ontario. he's been in a few long-term relationships, the most recent one being a few months ago. brian explained that his gf (who was quite a bit younger than him) wanted to break up because she wasn't ready for marriage, kids, etc.

we met up at the james street pub and it was such a nice spring day, that i enjoyed my first beer on a patio in the sunshine! how can you beat that (even if the date goes horribly wrong)? brian is super chatty (even though he claims to be shy) and we spent a good amount of time discussing travel, namely Barcelona - somewhere we've both visited. after a few beers, the waitress brought us our bill. oh no, i'm not ready to leave yet, i thought! both brian and i didn't have any cash on us, so i offered to pay for the bill. he did make a comment that it should be him paying, but i told him he could get it next time. he offered to treat me to dinner at the clocktower - i said yes! but first, i had to go to the washroom. when i came back upstairs, i couldn't find brian on the patio. OH MY GOD ARE YOU *#$(%*#$%& KIDDING ME, HE DITCHED ME?! i was in shock. and then i saw him coming up the stairs (he had also gone to the washroom). pfew!

the time just kept slipping by... all of a sudden it was 5 hours later and we were eating burgers and still chatting away. again, didn't want the date to end. i suggested we go to the LCBO and buy a bottle of wine and continue the conversation at my place (i.e., way cheaper than buying expensive drinks at the pub). brian liked the idea, but we were so full from dinner, he only had one request. could he swing by his place first and change into his sweatpants to be more comfy. ok, now i seriously love this guy! and i'm totally going to change into my sweatpants too.

in the end, we spent nearly 10 hours together on a first date which is pretty crazy. i had a really good time with brian and will no doubt be seeing him again soon!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Computer Daddies

i had been wanting to check out a meetmarketadventure singles event for a while, and finally had the opportunity to participate in one last night. if you check out the website, they list tons of really unique and interesting activities (tennis clinic, hike in the gatineaus, flying lessons, firing range?! - probably so you can shoot yourself, etc) - things that would be fun, even if a match wasn't to be made. the event i attended was advertised as a spring fling party where 100 singles meet after work at a new bar in the market, My Condo. i knew of at least 5 other ladies who would be in attendance. i decided to email the organization to ask if they would be able to provide me with the ratio of men: women who had registered. no such luck! also, it made me nervous that my suspicions would be confirmed (as they were) that there would be WAY more women in attendance than men. helloooo, it is Ottawa after all. sidenote: i would love to actually get the stats on that...

i showed up an hour late and was surprised to find the bar completely packed. it was a bit intimidating and overwhelming at first. they had organized a game called "person bingo" where everyone is handed a card and has to mingle and chat with others to help them fill in their cards. "Do you like broccoli?" felt funny to say, but it actually was a clever way to break the ice.

this is going to sound mean and shallow, but all (and i mean ALL) of the men were OLD (turns out there was no specific age range set), short, bald and ugly. the women, on the other hand, gorgeous catches. wow, i thought. these men really have the cream of the crop here! one of my friends coined the term "computer daddies" which made me laugh, but was surprisingly accurate. have you ever watched the show Beauty and the Geek? yeah...i felt like a lot of the men were socially awkward nerds. hey, i love a good nerd, but socially awkward nerdy is entirely different. this one man with a big belly, shirt tucked in, pants pulled high and comb-over came up to me complaining about how "loud" the music was. dude, we're in a club. also, i felt like he really struggled making conversation. it was very difficult for me to feign interest. one man pointed out that it looked as though every woman came to the event with a friend, whereas the men flew solo. good point: ladies, if you're serious about meeting a man at one of these things, don't show up with a gaggle of your competitors. easier said than done - we like to travel in packs.

i didn't have any expectations for the event, but felt so depressed that i quickly gave up on the bingo. bring on the wine! i spent the rest of the evening catching up with my girlfriends, which was WAY more fun, much to the organizers' disapproval. oh wait, he's cute.... nevermind, he's the bartender. after an hour, we ladies called it quits and moved on to a nearby pub to indulge in some pub food, drinks and enjoyable conversation. so the night wasn't a complete bust! and i have to have a sense of humour about it, otherwise i'll cry. hahaha?

bottom line: i won't be attending another meetmarketadventure singles event again. i shouldn't say never, but i would need some serious convincing. i've been to enough organized speed dating events to know that it's always the same turnout. and think about it, what guy friend or ex do you know that would actually go to one of these things? exactly.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Bernie is single.

This is a really cute video blog! :)

Monday, March 21, 2011

Confused: Jason

i got stood up last night by Jason. we were supposed to meet up for dinner (his idea).

the backstory: despite the limited face-to-face dates, we have mutually been texting each other every day. i knew that we both had friday off, so i asked him if he'd like to meet up for a pho dinner. he said he wasn't sure, that he might be visiting a friend out in the country, but would keep me posted. well, by 5:30pm on friday i STILL had not heard back from him so i sent him a text saying "i guess you're out for pho. have fun with your friend". he responded immediately and apologized, explaining that he had blown his tire and had been at the garage all afternoon getting it fixed. a weak excuse, seeing as he clearly had his phone with him. in any case, he then suggested that we move our dinner plans to sunday. i responded and said sure, sounds great and he said that we'd figure out the details later on. we spent most of saturday day right up until the wee hours of saturday evening texting one another. the last message i sent him was something to the effect of being excited for pho! he didn't respond, but most likely because it was late and he had fallen asleep.

no texts on sunday. not one. that was weird, i thought. i decided to hold off contacting him, just to see when/if he would get in touch with me. he didn't. and yet, one of the annoying features on POF is that you can see when someone was last online. he had been online a few times yesterday. i started to feel angry...angry that i had even worried that maybe something had happened to him. nope, he's still in good shape to be online dating. by 6pm i said screw this, and cooked myself dinner.

against the advice of my own mother and some friends, i sent him a text about an hour ago saying that i was a bit confused, thought we had dinner plans last night and was disappointed when i didn't hear from him. no response yet. i can entertain myself with thoughts of "oh well maybe i just didn't receive his text(s)" (something that does genuinely happen from time to time), but if he REALLY wanted to meet up with me, he would have called to follow up (or facebook msg'd, POF msg'd or emailed for that matter!).

i might not hear from jason at all, and there's my answer. but it would have driven me crazy not letting him know that i was somewhat upset. i'm the kind of person that needs closure, even if i don't necessarily get it ("how will you feel if he doesn't respond?"). the funniest part is that we technically have date plans this saturday to visit a brewery (my fave beer!)together.

i think it's safe to say that i need to move on from jason. i'm not holding my breath that this guy will contact me again. i just hate that feeling of not knowing what went wrong. the worst part is when it comes completely out of the blue and you didn't see it coming AT ALL. oh well, i can't be too upset because i really didn't know him very well at all. and i'm the kind of person who wants to go on regular dates with someone i'm interested in, not have them spaced out and sort of all over the place with primarily a text message relationship.

NEXT! i just wish i had another potential date on the horizon to distract myself...

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Round 2: Jason

Jason and I have been texting back and forth daily since our first date. it's almost embarrassing how much we contact each other. nonetheless, i took this as a good sign - a sign that he is interested! we agreed to meet up tonight to catch a movie. i had asked him if he wanted to grab some dinner beforehand and he suggested pho in chinatown. i liked this plan! later, he texted to say that he was worried he might not be able to make it to dinner because just yesterday he had to work late. as it turns out, he doesn't have a set schedule for his work days... he starts at 7am and ends whenever his boss tells him he's finished working. needless to say, it makes it difficult for him to plan. i didn't really know what he was getting at, so i told him that whatever works best for him.... we didn't have to do dinner, it was only a suggestion. the whole point in having dinner was so that we would be able to catch up and chat. the movie theatre is not exactly a conversation friendly zone (despite what some of my previous dates might think). the trouble with two people who can't make an executive decision = SEVERAL messages back and forth re: movie choices, movie times, location, meet up spot, etc. and to top it off, it felt like he was on "standby" in case he couldn't break free from work in time. fortunately, we were able to meet up at the movie theatre. the place was PACKED! it was intense. i kind of forgot that it was cheap movie night + March Break.

after the movie was over, we started making our way to the exit...then the parking lot... anytime you want to offer me a ride home, Jason....really, no.... how about now.... ok, this is awkward.... where are we going....walking around aimlessly.... i couldn't take it anymore. i cracked. i told him that if he'd like, he could come over to my place for a beer (hoping this will lead to a ride home). wow, when you write it like that it comes across as super forward. ha! i fear that this might have also translated the exact same way in person. Jason was silent... hesitant... "oh, that's ok if you can't", i said. then he went on to say something about having to get up at 6am (i later realized this is the exact time that *i* wake up every morning myself!) and checked his watch to see that it was 9:30pm. ok, old man - clearly it is past your bedtime! as most of my friends know, i am no night owl myself, but i honestly never thought he would turn down coming in for a drink and some time to get to know one another. i felt rejected. we stood there awkwardly by his car for a bit and then i went in for the hug (wow, i really do ALL of the legwork on this dating thing), said i had fun, blah blah. and only THEN did he throw out the offer to drive me home. i was so confused at that point, that i turned down the ride. what the hell just happened, i thought as i walked to the bus stop.

or am i overreacting? maybe he was legitimately tired, feeling shy or wants to take things super slow - all perfectly reasonable. in my mind, he made me feel as though i was being a total hussy. sidenote: have i mentioned how i hate dating? i decided to leave it.


well, speak of the devil! he just sent me a text thanking me for the date, expressing how much "fun" he had. fun sitting in silence beside me for two hours? i decided to be upfront and messaged him back explaining that i hope i hadn't come across too forward or made him feel uncomfortable in any way. no response back until the next day... he said that he wasn't expecting me to ask him that, so i think it kind of threw him off. he said that he has a tendency of making awkward situations even more awkward (don't we all!) and is a bit shy (aren't we all!).

i haven't given up on Jason yet, but hopefully i can see him before another week goes by...sometimes it's hard to keep the momentum going.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Jason

picture exotic beer in a cozy booth at pub italia on a stormy snowy night. i had already decided to get there first (usually i am the last to arrive, but always on time). as i headed over, i started to feel nervous. REALLY NERVOUS. occasionally i will feel a bit nervous prior to a date (especially if it's with someone i've met in person and like), but this was weird. oh no, i hope it doesn't throw me (and my date!) off. enter jason: 30, 6'2" (hmmm not sure about that one, but at least he's taller than me!), plumbing apprentice, scruffy, black-rimmed glasses and tattooed arms (mom, i see you cringing as you read this). he was cute! jason is part scottish, which explains why he's originally from glengarry (AKA Little Scotland), is obsessed with the highland games and will probably wear a kilt to his brother's wedding. he's a country boy and grew up on a hobby farm. he has 3 brothers (2 of which are named rodney and ryan - my dad/bro's names). jason is currently living in manotick with two roomies - he moved there in order to start his apprenticeship (something he's not 100% sure it's something he wants to continue doing, one of his bro's is also a plumber), but is leaning toward moving out on his own and maybe even downtown. his dad is a retired carpenter and his mom is a nurse. one thing that i really like about jason: he's extremely close with his family and has quite a few nieces/nephews.

when jason and i first started communicating on POF, i immediately noticed that this boy cannot spell to save his life. listen, i have really good friends who can't spell at all (and who i mock on a daily basis - oh yeah, great friend) and jason was making them look like spelling bee champs. not a dealbreaker, but my god, it was difficult not to judge. one time he told me to be careful when walking home because it was "sleepy" outside - i promptly called him out on this. he thought it was funny and corrected himself: "slippy". the funniest part is that slippy isn't even a word either! ahem, i think he meant slippery. oddly enough, somehow spelling came up on the date...he mentioned that his dad is french and that he is fluently bilingual and sometimes gets mixed up between english/french and often thinks he should put an "e" at the end of every word. haha. still, no excuse.

when our bills came to our table, i excused myself and headed to the washroom. in all honesty, this was a test (i know, i know, horrible person). will jason pay for my drinks? c'mon, surely he can pay for my two beers! thankfully, when i returned to our booth he had paid :) he did offer to drive me home. i thanked him but said that i was ok to walk home, that i had a good time and that we should do it again sometime. i wanted to make sure he knew i was interested, but just passing up the ride home. i don't know why, but i feel strange accepting a ride home with a complete stranger on date #1. maybe on date #2 -- but what's the diff? i think it's ingrained in my head to refuse car rides from strangers. did i mention the roads were really "slippy"? it was nice that jason drove all the way out to my neck of the woods.

chemistry is a funny thing. while i felt attracted to jason, i did feel like we were two friends hanging out. i don't mean that in a bad way. he just seemed so at ease and laid back... meanwhile, i was incredibly nervous, for whatever reason, and kept fidgeting with my sweater zipper. ugh! on my walk home, i started worrying -- what if i didn't answer his questions "correctly" (e.g., "so do you like the country?"), what if we don't have enough in common, what if i blew my chances with this guy, why didn't he ask me for my number, etc, etc. holy crap, dating was making me bananas! when i got home, i sent jason a message re-stating that i had a really good time and that we should go out again sometime, hope he got home safely, etc. he responded and wrote that he definitely wants to hang out again -- maybe even check out a movie we had discussed! (sidenote: of course this sentence was fueled with spelling errors, but who's counting?)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Round 2: Michael

it was a nice surprise when michael got in touch with me the morning after our date and invited me to go skating on the canal with him. seeing as i never heard back from alex (and still haven't!), i opted to join him. i've never been skating on the canal at night - it was actually really relaxing and peaceful to have the ice to ourselves!

at one point in our conversation, michael brought up his ex. i discovered that he is only very recently separated from a 9 year marriage...as in two months ago! to be honest, that kind of freaks me out. even if he had checked out of the marriage years ago, i certainly don't want to be anyone's rebound relationship. why not give yourself some time to yourself to figure things out before jumping right back into something? he explained that he misses being affectionate with someone, etc. ummm, it's only been two months! and take me for example... i'm kind of the opposite: i've been single for most of my life! his breakup was more recent than mine. michael went on to tell me that he got married really young (at 21), and that he and his wife sort of grew apart and are two very different people now than they were nine years ago.

we went for drinks at dow's lake after our two hour skate, and our conversation didn't really seem to flow as well as the night before. there were definitely some awkward silences... i just wasn't feeling it. i think our conversation about his separation certainly added to it. yes, it's flattering that i'm the "coolest chick" he's met up with so far from POF and it's nice that he's very attentive, attractive, etc, but i couldn't shake my gut feeling that it wasn't meant to be.

after walking him to his bus stop, i went in for the hug. he is a horrible hugger! he definitely wanted to go in for a kiss, but i truly feel that you can't force that sort of thing. to make things more/extremely awkward, his reaction: "so do you kiss on the second date?". i was taken aback and said "sometimes" and then left awkwardly. i haven't heard from him since, so i'm positive he got the message loud and clear. i really don't think i would go on a third date with him for all of the reasons outlined above. ah well, another one bites the dust!

biggest pet peeve: when a guy asks you for permission to kiss you! just do it already.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Michael

i had only been chatting with michael briefly on POF when we decided to meet up. that's the way i like it, just cut to the chase! ha. a bit of background: michael is 31, 6'2", has been a web designer working for the National Capital Commission for 10 years, produces music videos for his friends on the side, originally from ottawa, has an older sister (+2 yrs) and an older brother (+10 years...living in BC), is currently renting out the basement of his sister's house while he sells his house in almonte and then plans on living in westboro or centretown. oh, and he's separated. to be honest, i didn't notice this detail right away on his profile. i decided to give him a chance - you never know what the full story might be, and it's not like he has children with his ex. also, i keep forgetting that i actually dated someone who was divorced, so it's obviously not a strict dealbreaker for me. that being said, it is a flag to proceed with caution, in my opinion.

we met up for drinks at the moonroom on preston. awesome date spot! as cheesy as it sounds, it's completely lit up by candles and the atmosphere is really romantic. i had been several times before, but when it is much busier than on a snowy monday night. the best news? our date went really well, yay! so much so, that we're already talking about a second date. he is very easy to talk to and while we have some things in common, we are definitely very different at the same time, but that kind of draws me to him. reasons why i know there was chemistry: if i like someone, i have noticed that i go out of my way to touch their arm when i'm talking; he sat beside me at the table; our body language; sort of flirty banter, etc. our conversation just flowed. at one point he said that it was nice that we didn't have to fill the silences. i like that he's interesting and creative - he can be a bit intense/serious too. michael has been on POF for 4 weeks now and has gone on 4 dates. he said two of them were extremely short (20-30 mins) because either the chick didn't look anything like her photos, or she grilled him about whether or not he was a convict/gang member (really?! also, good news is he's not). i wish i had the courage to walk out on a bad date so soon... i'm guilty of being too nice sometimes (that, or a sucker). he mentioned a few times that he thought the date was going well and said he gave me a "5", so i asked "out of 10??" and he said "no, out of 25", obviously as a joke. talk of his ex obviously didn't come up on the date...i am very curious, but would never ask so early on.

after just over 4 hours of chatting, it was time to go. like a true gentleman, he paid for all three of my drinks. i gave him a hug and blurted out something about how he should call me and then sure enough, i was the one to send the "thanks for the fun night" text and he replied immediately saying that it was fun and to contact him soon so that we could line up round 2. stay tuned!

i am supposed to have a date with a different guy tonight, alex, but he has completely fallen off of the POF radar! i can tell that he hasn't been online since Thursday evening. i think it's a bit rude that we were supposed to meet up tonight and he hasn't even bothered to check his account to figure out the time/location of our date. boo! i can only imagine his excuse, if he even bothers to contact me at all.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Chris

it was a refreshing change when chris contacted me on POF (normally i'm the one who has to initiate contact). we started chatting while i was in florida visiting my parents a few weeks ago. after a few messages back and forth, chris gave me his phone number and suggested we text each other. generally, i try to avoid texting until after i've met the person, but i thought why not. chris texted me a lot, which kind of freaked me out a bit... but then again, i would probably complain if he didn't text me (never happy!). what i thought was weird was that he would text me EVERY morning for like a week at 6:30am wishing me a good morning. he had no idea what my work hours are, so for all he knew, i could have been asleep! i finally sent one back asking if this was a wakeup call. he said he thought it would be a nice way for me to wake up. THEN he texted me at 8:30am today on date day (a Saturday!). anyone who knows me knows that i'm a morning person (so yes, i was already awake), but still!

we were initially supposed to meet up on wed night and go skating on the canal, but i was feeling sick and he ended up having to work late. so we moved the date to 1:00pm this afternoon. well, at around 12:20pm i get a text from him saying "running behind schedule". ummmm ok... i asked him when he thought he would be ready. he said 2pm. a whole hour late! well good thing i hadn't left yet for the canal. he didn't apologize for it either which i thought was strange/rude (and never did explain it in person).

when we did finally meet up, i immediately noticed that he looked a lot different from his photos. less attractive, bald spot, bad teeth and definitely shorter than the 6'1" he advertised on his profile. in all honesty, i was bummed. we put on our skates and then he whipped out the ugliest, most embarrassing winter hat (complete with two braids on either side). UGH! after a few minutes of chatting, i detected an accent....as in an i'm-from-a-small-town-in-northern-ontario-aka-hicksville kind of accent. he would finish several sentences with "...and shit". oh yeah, lots of swearing which was also a turnoff. and for someone who plays and talks about hockey a lot, he didn't seem to be the best skater. chris has lived in ottawa for a little over a year now, so we talked a lot about different events going on in town. at one point, he told me he wanted to sit down on a bench (i thought to fix his skate or something), so we sat and chatted for a while. again, i was shocked at how little he asked about me. all he seemed to talk about was work (he has 2 jobs). at one point i was laughing (at him, not with him), but i'm sure he thought he was being really funny. in my head: are we really talking about this on a first date?! he told me about random things...everything from attending a garlic festival in almonte to sexapalooza at lansdowne park (and buying a massage mitt and receiving man-hose as a parting gift). it was all a little too much for me. we definitely didn't hit off... i felt like we barely had anything in common. chris would often say "oh, i completely agree with you" and i was left wondering what i had said that he would have agreed with me.

i would have liked to have skated longer (read: less bench sitting), but chris wanted to head back since he had dinner plans. pfew! i was fully prepared to make something up so that i didn't have to continue the date post-skating. so all in all, my date was 1.5 hrs on a saturday afternoon and i managed to get some exercise and fresh air. could have been worse. i walked chris to his bus stop and thanked him for the skate. i just got a text message from him thanking me for the nice time...it's difficult to reply when you know that you aren't interested and wouldn't dream of a second date.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

You've Got Mail!

i wanted to share with you some of the messages i've received on POF. this is the crap that jams up my inbox and they are classic examples of *my* rant from my "pimp my profile" post.

1. "how are you doing? how can i get to know you?" -- from a man whose only photo is of him checking out some packaged ground beef in the grocery store. his tagline is "yes always leads to something good".

2. "johnnyhangover" is really the best alias you could come up with?

3. one message was ENTIRELY written in french. desolee Stephane!

4. "U like cooking fo' real.. as mentioned in your bio.... what.. like a tv dinner now and then with some mac and cheese.. So, did u get a hangover over this long weekend, or have you 'retired' from that kinda partying? U go gurl. Cheers." -- this from a man with a PhD.

5. "Very nice to make your acquaintance. Hope you are having a wonderful weekend. Seems to me that we have a lot in common, apart from the qualities we are seeking, and hobbies. For over the past 5 years, I have been working with Indian and Northern Affairs Canada as an Access to Information and Privacy Analyst. I would only be more than happy to tell you more about this." -- it goes on (and on and on...), but it's too lengthy, awkward and formal to post. soooo i'm confused, what exactly do we have in common if the qualities and hobbies we are seeking in a partner aren't the same?

6. "Hey Chica, Como esta?" - I also don't speak Spanish. And no more Mexicans!

7. " good morning sweet lady. I was browsing for the first time here and i came across your profile . i must say it sparked my interest. i would like to say hello to you first and second tell u a bit about me. 'Am 6'2 200IBS fit guy. Am happy, energetic and spiritual person and that suits my life style. Positive energy is how i look at things and life in general. am energetic , mature and fun person .Well educated, spontaneous and always smiling. am a deep person, i enjoy nice company, cuddling and funny by nature. I like to laugh and i can carry a conversation. I like outdoors, walks and simplicity in life hope you enjoying your day. am casse. what's yours bye for now . keep the smile" - from casse AKA Fanta_Bubbles?? 'nuff said.

8. "Those eyes of yours could inspire a poet...I just might have to start writing poetry! ;)" -- fortunately, The_Rock_1975 has since closed his account. ladies everywhere, this is a good thing.

9. "Hey there how are you? I am in your city for work. I am from LA. How are you" -- oh heyyy there Mr. Winemaker/Pilot. what's that you say? you flew into town for the weekend and want to meet up? errr yeah, probably not going to work out as i'm looking for a RELATIONSHIP in CANADA, preferably in my hometown.

10. "
I cannot believe there's a pearl like you in this ocean." -- different Stephane

11. "
...I decided to make a quick stop on internet to check if you did response.... and my deception that you didn't. I would love to tell you more about me and how my heart was excited when I read your profile. Have A wonderful day... you are definately a rainbow to any man heart!" - did this guy just call me a rainbow?

One Man's Rant

I stumbled across this guy's (lengthy!) profile on Plenty of Fish. check out one man's online dating experience:

I've been on here for a while now, for the same reason as all of you. I'm done with the bar scene, not that I was ever started with it. People rarely have the courage to approach someone in public, myself included..but I still try, and still do it. Sometimes it's tougher to approach someone, like on the bus, or other awkward public places. It's always great when you're locking eyes with someone or smiling, then watching them walk away, staring through the window at you. It's happened to us all somehow I'm sure and we all kick ourselves for not saying
"Hello". Point is, this site is good for meeting those people you don't get the chance to meet on a normal day. Like I said, same reason we're all here. Hardest part is meeting someone though...

This site is torture though! Women hate it because most of the men who contact them are E-Males trying to get in their pants. Like the Bar Stars took over. The rest of the men, the "Good Guys" hate it because those stupid morons are blowing it for us by pissing all of you women off! Now we have to not only impress you, but also prove we're not trying to screw with your heads or get in your pants. B*stards! You'll read some profiles of people that really appeal to you, that you share commonalities with, and attracts you as well. We are human after all. But in real life, if you were approached by that person in public, you're flattered by the gesture alone, regardless of what is said. That person doesn't know a thing about you or what they have in common with you, just pure attraction and probably sexual thoughts. On here though, it's a different story all together..not to say people don't have sexual intentions on here either! Women get flooded with emails and delete right away. Or, like most of us, it's straight to the photos to see if there's an attraction. Then maybe you'll read their profile. I know I always read them,.... but most wont. Then you have to catch that persons attention by email in one shot, which let me tell you, isn't fuc*ing easy! (thanks to those Bar Star/E-Males) This site is the classic example of "judging the book by it's cover" No one takes the time to get to know the person behind the photo it seems. Whereas in real life if you were approached out of the blue, the flattery takes over, and all you want to do is get to know that person.

I read so many profiles or hear stories about lame ass guys who write lame ass emails. If I've written you, chances are it's pretty detailed about your profile or interests, and actually gives off the impression that I'm actually trying to get to know you. Provided you actually wrote something in your profile and not "I'll fill this out later" What's classic though, is the majority of the emails that I get, are the ones you ladies all dread getting! "Hey, what's up?" or "Cute dog :P" are the usual's. I appreciate the extremely small bit of effort to get to know me by asking "what's up?", but everyone knows dogs are cute, and showing that you have more interest in my dog than me, isn't helping your chances. "A little effort goes a long way", as all of you ladies say. Just put forward the same amount of effort you ask for as well please. We all hate it!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Andrew

i met up with Andrew (30, looking for a long term relationship on POF, new to the city) tonight at the manx (my idea) for a drink. truth be told, i usually like to preserve my sundays for laziness, but it seemed like it was going to be the only day that worked for the both of us. he works at the Westin so his hours are a bit all over the place. as much as i LOVE the manx, it's probably not the most ideal spot for a first date because the tables are really close to one another so it becomes pretty obvious to your neighbours that you're meeting each other for the first time. we had agreed to meet up for a drink, but he hadn't eaten dinner yet (because he was too busy napping), so it meant that he would be eating in front of me (yay!). a few times he would talk with his mouth full of food which was really gross. and in between mouthfuls, he would tell me about his kidney stones and his old roomie's excessive body hair...

while he made me laugh a lot and we have a ton in common, again, there just wasn't any chemistry. not to mention he looks EXACTLY like this dude i went to high school with which freaked me out a bit. i wasn't really physically attracted to him and i felt like he was dressed kind of sloppy for a first date (opposite of the metrosexual!). Andrew didn't ask me *any* questions about myself, which always makes for an awkward date. also, he didn't pay for my beer and tea! i think this might be another situation where he thought the date went really well, will probably ask me out on a second one, and i'll have to politely decline. i wanted to leave about an hour earlier, but the pub was packed and our waitress kind of forgot about us.

oh well, now i'm home and i'm going to eat some ice cream and call it a night.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Pimp my Profile

dating online you come across hundreds of profiles, most of which contain fatal flaws. enough for me to think "PASS". sometimes it can be depressing, other times you just have to laugh. what are these guys thinking? no wonder they're single! at the same time, there must be girls out there who fall for this garbage. are women profiles equally as douchey?

here are 10 examples of what i think men should consider when creating an online dating profile:

1. please come up with a good tag line. "i know, you can't believe i'm single" isn't cutting it.
2. be honest if you have children. if you respond "no" to "having kids at home" and then you post pictures of random children, i'm going to assume they are yours. just because they don't LIVE at home, doesn't mean you are childless.
3. do spell check. nothing turns me off more than typos.
4. why is everyone "new to town"? is a dating website really the best avenue to make friends? i'm looking for a relationship, not a BFF.
5. choose good photos. avoid the creepy-molester-mug-shots, omg-cute-i-have-a-dog-lol, ex-gf-scratached-out-face, super-outdated-back-in-the-day, i-swear-i'm-not-bald-under-all-of-these-hats, shirtless-bathroom-self photos.
6. be witty and don't take yourself (or online dating) too seriously. there are so many aggressive profiles out there. NO MIND GAMES. NO BS. really? 'cause that's my specialty. i had one guy ask me if i was "nice and normal" and it completely threw me off.
7. embrace online dating. there seem to be a lot of men out there who are ashamed that they are on these websites, with tag lines such as "don't worry, i'll say we met at the supermarket!". huh? but we didn't...
8. do fill out your profile. "i'll get to this later" doesn't exactly fill me with confidence that you are taking it seriously.
9. don't add me to your "favourites" or "people i want to meet" lists without contacting me. it doesn't make me feel special.
10. describe your job or be honest if you don't have one. "professional" is not a profession. and "i have one" makes me think that you don't.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Compliment?

"you look amazing in that horizontal striped dress as most people look much fatter in that type of clothing and vertical lines usually give the illusion you're slimmer and taller, yet you look slim and tall in that dress :)" -- a message from an online dater/style consultant

Monday, January 24, 2011

Monday, January 17, 2011

Finito: The Mexican

i went out for a short-but-sweet coffee date with the mexican early last week before leaving for montreal for 5 days. ironically, as it turned out, he was also in montreal over the weekend and wanted to meet up, but i felt weird doing so on a girl's getaway weekend. i suggested we meet up for a nice dinner this evening, so we hit up the black cat bistro on preston (yum!).

while this guy seems to be great on paper (handsome, polite, generous, kind, responsive, hell even a bit sexy, exotic, etc, etc), i've decided that i'm just not that into him. a friend of mine pointed out that i wasn't even excited for the date! that should have been my first clue. i think i was more excited about trying out the restaurant for a foodie blog write-up :( i wish i could say that there is a romantic spark/connection, but alas there isn't (at least on my part). i don't know if it's a cultural thing, but i couldn't shake the metrosexual vibe as well as some of his annoying mannerisms. i guess i'm looking for a more manly, rough-around-the-edges dude. or a nice balance of the two.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Is Being Metrosexual a Dealbreaker?

i met up briefly with the mexican this morning for coffee before heading off to montreal for the rest of the week. needless to say, i ended up hearing from him shortly after our first date. he is definitely a good looking guy. "metrosexual" has been used to describe him... he showed up looking very preppy in glasses, an (argyle?) sweater vest with a dress shirt/pants, nice shoes, scarf and leather jacket. keep in mind that he was coming from work (and he's latino, hehe). i think he just likes to look good and takes care of himself, nothing wrong with that. as it turns out, he might actually be visiting friends in montreal this weekend who just had a baby. he asked for my number and said he'd get in touch with me. he also suggested that we dine at the black cat bistro next week (on my foodie list!). 30 mins really shouldn't even count as a "second date", so only time will tell. i do enjoy his company, but i think he intimidates me a little bit.

on a side note, i found this definition of metrosexual on urban dictionary... it's pretty funny.

You might be "metrosexual" if:


1. You just can't walk past a Banana Republic store without making a purchase.
2. You own 20 pairs of shoes, half a dozen pairs of sunglasses, just as many watches and you carry a man-purse.
3. You see a stylist instead of a barber, because barbers don't do highlights.
4. You can make her lamb shanks and risotto for dinner and Eggs Benedict for breakfast... all from scratch.
5. You only wear Calvin Klein boxer-briefs.
6. You shave more than just your face. You also exfoliate and moisturize.
7. You would never, ever own a pickup truck.
8. You can't imagine a day without hair styling products.
9. You'd rather drink wine than beer... but you'll find out what estate and vintage first.
10. Despite being flattered (even proud) that gay guys hit on you, you still find the thought of actually getting intimate with another man truly repulsive.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Mexican

one of my friends convinced me to re-join plenty of fish, in addition to eharmony. she met her recent boyfriend from POF and he's a great guy, so i thought 'why not?'. i was soon contacted by cesar (AKA the mexican). after a few messages back and forth, i gave him my email address and quickly discovered that he was packing for mexico city and leaving the next day. even though he was gone for two weeks holiday, we basically wrote each other every day and i began to look forward to his emails. now normally i am NOT a fan of a lot of messages prior to meeting up, but i went with it. the mexican is an attractive fellow, 32, 5'11, has been living in canada for 3 years, is a bit of a foodie like myself and has a good job.

this past week he emailed me to let me know that he'd be arriving back in ottawa at midnight on friday and would i like to meet up over the weekend. we arranged for mid-afternoon drinks at chez lucien on saturday. things i noticed when we first met: he's cute, has thick curly hair, funny, personable and very sweet (he brought me chocolates from mexico!). also, let's face it, there is something very attractive about a man who speaks spanish. we spent 3 hours together and i definitely had a good time - enough to be curious how a second date might go. sometimes you know right away and other times it's hard to know how you feel after a first date. i am a bit surprised that i haven't heard from him yet, but we'll see!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Aha Moment: The Ex

i met up with an ex tonight for coffee. the back story is that he said something really hurtful to me a long time ago and it has always kind of stuck with me. i consider myself a caring, kind, forgiving person and i was tired of feeling angry towards him, so i thought it might help. specifically, i thought i might bring it up in conversation to... i dunno, get an apology maybe. clear the air. the sad part is, i think this guy is clueless. do you ever have a "what the #@&% was i thinking dating this guy" moment? mmmhmmm. i basically spent an hour watching this guy love the sound of his own voice. and i hate HATE it when people challenge me on every. little. freaking. thing. if i like something, he doesn't. he has an opinion about my opinions.

all of that to say that i don't regret meeting up with him, but it's made me realize that i don't *need* to be friends with everyone. especially if we were never really friends in the first place! maybe i'm too much of a people pleaser sometimes. i care what others think of me.

oh well, scratch that off my to do list...