Sunday, December 19, 2010

Robert: really?

just got the email below from Robert... i'm always surprised when one person hasn't clued in that the other person is NOT interested in a second date. not really sure what would lead him to think that it was a possibility. was i giving off the impression that i was interested?
---------------
Hi Jen,

just getting back home now.. it's been a busy few days.

It was nice meeting you the other night. I had a really good time and
hope you did too.
I know the holiday season is busy and all, but if you have a free
night this week I think we should go grab a bite to eat someplace.

oh by the way, how was your show? Did you end up with good seats?

ciao,
Rob

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Robert

Two dates in one week, wow.

I met up with Rob for a quick drink at Hooley's before heading out to the NAC with a friend. Again, a great scenario in case the date is really painful. Hmmm...I may have to lie and always use this as my set up.

I was most excited to meet Rob out of all of my matches - I enjoyed reading his profile, he had some fun pictures, and his emails were witty. However, I have definitely learned from past experience that sometimes, as in this case, doesn't necessarily translate when meeting in person. One thing I was concerned about was that Rob's emails were scattered (and the guy works in computer security!)... I'd hear from him in 3 weeks, then in a few days, then in another 2 weeks. No consistency! And after we had finally semi-agreed on a date/time, I was still waiting for a final confirmation email before taking the plunge. I had to send him another email to confirm, and he replied to say he had been looking forward to it all week, and that he'd be the guy in the green shirt by the door. And sure enough, he was the first person I saw as I swung open the doors. He was wearing glasses which kind of threw me off because he wasn't wearing them in any of his photos. Also, none of his photos contained a full body shot, so I didn't really know what his body type would look like. He was quite thin (but again, hard to tell when someone is sitting down at a booth across from you).

Rob was pretty quiet (a soft speaker) and hella nerdy, but we talked about travel a lot as he was going to be taking a trip to Peru in the new year. I immediately knew that there wasn't really anything there... I started daydreaming about how I wanted to give him a makeover and how I could bust him out of his nerdy shell...maybe if he unbuttoned a few of his collared shirt buttons, he would loosen up. I always know it's a good date if the conversation flows nicely, I've laughed a lot and there are no awkward silences. Unfortunately, the opposite of this took place with Rob. At one point, he brought up how I had other plans that evening and it was the perfect escape route for me: "oh yeah, I should probably get the bill and get going".

He's 28, originally from Montreal, owns a condo, seems to have a good job, decent looking, etc, etc but not my type and there was no connection. The night wasn't completely lost - I headed next door to one of my fave new restaurants and had a delicious dinner by myself before meeting up with my friend to catch a great live performance!

I'm starting to think I'll take a bit of a break from all this dating stuff over the holidays in effort to (hopefully) feel refreshed in the new year! C'mon 2011.

In other news: I bumped into my ex, Mat, and his new gf last night when I was out for a late night dinner. I haven't seen him in almost 2 years! I was always quite impressed with myself that it was SO great never having bumped into him. Not only that, but then they also showed up at the bar I went to AFTER dinner! What are the chances? Ugh.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Patrick

i had a lunch date today with Patrick, 31, works for the Senate. physically, he's not really the type of guy i'm typically attracted to (bald), but i thought i'd give it a shot. we met up at parliament pub (my suggestion) and fortunately he was the only person inside, so it was easy to spot him. UNfortunately, his salad came with a giant bug (still alive!) on it. it was super awkward... at first i wasn't even sure if the waitress was going to do anything about it (something about "oh, you know...packaged lettuce") and clearly Patrick had lost his appetite. i started freaking out at the thought of him just watching me eat my lunch, but he did end up ordering a panini (minus the salad), on the house. luckily, he's not the super shy type so he did a lot of the talking, but our conversation was somewhat boring and it felt like we were running out of questions to ask one another... i think the words "gaming convention" are a bit of a dealbreaker for me. also, he seemed genuinely and personally offended that i didn't enjoy the movie Inception. ugh! it all boils down to the fact that there was no real romantic chemistry. i will be shocked if he follows up with me.

later:

Hi, Jen,

It was really nice to meet and chat with you, but I have to say I wasn't really "feeling it" and I got the impression you weren't, either. That sucks, but I guess it's the way it goes sometimes.

I wish you all the best, and hope you have a great Christmas and New Years!

-- Patrick

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Book Review: I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

i definitely feel as though i lost a few brain cells after reading this "gem" by tucker max. it's an "autobiography" (read: highly exaggerated) by a self-proclaimed douchebag. and yet somehow it wound up on the new york times bestseller list, was made into a movie and he has a follow up book appropriately entitled Assholes Finish First. any guy i mention this book to seems to automatically recognize/acknowledge it and will even go so far as to credit this loser as some sort of idol to all men everywhere. the book essentially follows tucker's drunken and sexual escapades with his equally douchey friends. and throughout his journey, tucker is there to remind you how he is a celebrity/god for writing this crap (read: extremely insecure). what self-respecting woman would hook up with him, especially after reading his book? he is every girl's worst nightmare: he developed his own demeaning female rating system, and some of the stuff he writes about (confronting ugly/fat women, etc) is anything but humourous. and yet he claims to have quite the following. i've seen pictures of this dude - he is not the most amazing piece of eye candy i've ever seen...he actually reminds me of a nerdy boyfriend on Sex and the City.

Friday, December 10, 2010

No Strings Attached

pretty sure, this doesn't work.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Dave II

i haven't been overly satisfied with my eharmony experience... the site isn't very user friendly and it seems like my matches aren't willing to share their pic with me. for those of you who don't know how it works, there are a few steps you need to complete before being able to message your match (or you can skip right to messaging). i had finally made it to the "messaging phase" with not one, but two matches! eharmony miracle, right? one of them, shaun (30), only had one photo posted of himself and seemed clueless as to how to send me others despite the fact that he worked in the IT field. he also divulged that he was "living at home (saving up money)" - kind of a dealbreaker for me. i can't date another dude living at home with mommy and daddy because it reminds me too much of my bro...

and then there was dave (38). i hemmed and hawed about contacting him... in fact, i was curious how he had even been matched with me because i thought i put a cap at 37! ha. but, he had a nice smile and his emails were funny. i knew that he was born out east, worked for IBM and currently resided in the hunt club area, but that was pretty much it before i decided to ask him out. i'm not one to message back and forth a lot before meeting up because i find it builds too much expectation. we agreed to meet up for a quick drink after work last night. he kept giving me his phone number and asking me to call him because it was a "big bar".... it's ottawa, how big is any bar in town? plus, i didn't want him to have my digits in case the date was a bust.

i found him immediately when i entered - he must have also just arrived, so we made our way to a table and had a few pints of beer. immediately, it felt like i was on date with my dad (i guess a compliment to my dad?!). i don't know what 38 looks like, but dave looked OLD. a nice looking guy, friendly, but old in every sense - his mannerisms, his outdated humour, his references, etc, etc, etc.

the following are a few dealbreakers from our date:
- please don't tell me racial jokes. they aren't funny.
- it's rude to check your bbm and not apologize for it.
- still waiting for the punchline...
- he's divorced and has a 6 year old daughter (not necessarily a dealbreaker, but he could have been more upfront about that info).
- don't tell me about how much of a slacker you are at work. it's unattractive.
- believe it, i don't have a car. and i'm ok with that.

so yes, it was a date FAIL. i'm pretty sure the feeling was mutual because neither of us said we should do it again or that we would contact the other, and he didn't offer to give me a ride home on his way to The Keg. i felt disappointed as i walked home after my two pints of beer (thankfully, he paid), but the good news was that it was still Friday night! hopefully i will get a few more dates out of this eharmony business - if nothing else, just to make me feel as though i got my money's worth.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Are these profiles for real? ew.

The things I can't live without are:
My senses
Morning coffee
The touch of my lover, when I have one
Dynamism
Friends


I'm passionate about art, beauty in design, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball and high fiber. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a law outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

Monday, November 15, 2010

DEALBREAKER.


check out this hilarious find that i scored at Urban Outfitters. a must read for any single lady/gentleman! dealbreakers are not strictly for the ladies. be sure to also peruse the authors' blog - apparently the book might even be turned into a show on ABC a-la-sh!t my dad sez.


Thursday, November 4, 2010

eHarmonious

i bit the bullet and joined eHarmony about a few weeks ago. i signed up for 6 months because i figure that's giving it a good shot. i'm having difficulty navigating the site. it seems like a complicated process, but i'm willing to work through it. i am feeling slightly frustrated as i've contacted about 20 dudes and have only heard back from a few (and i can see that they have viewed my profile, so i know they're online). maybe there's something wrong with my profile? my photos? i'm even afraid of rejection online!

fun (?) stats:
- i've been on 19 dates (that i can remember, not including speed dating)
- four have been set ups through friends
- i've dated two scotts and two matts
- i've gone on dates with musicians, entrepreneurs, IT guys, chefs, architects, and office workers
- i've been rejected twice (that i can remember, not including the times i've blocked out)
- i've had profiles up on 3 online dating websites

Friday, October 15, 2010

Dumped: Dave

i've never broken up with anyone before. normally, i'm the dumpee. this was a first for me and i don't think i realized how hard it would be. i was stressed all week thinking about what i would say when Dave came over. a friend of mine told me that it would just come naturally, and it did. i let him know that i had given it a lot of thought, and i really didn't think he was ready to be dating. recently, we had had a conversation and agreed that we were dating each other exclusively. i never felt involved in his life (e.g., not once did he invite me to meet any of his friends) and i had to be the one to put in all of the effort when it came to setting up our dates. i was starting to feel as though 1) i was in it alone and 2) that this was a lot of work. and i wasn't happy. in fact, i was getting more and more frustrated... i had to tell him twice that i needed to hear from him more often. i've never had to do that before (and i shouldn't have to). no matter what Dave might have been going through in his life (a lot of downs), i still think that if he was truly interested in me, he would have shown it somehow. i was proud of myself for telling him everything i was feeling over the past few months - i just wish i could have done it without crying! i was obviously disappointed that things didn't work out, but i was also upset because i knew that i wouldn't be seeing him again.

after spending 3.5 hours of talking, cuddling and talking some more, he got up to say goodbye. i gave him a hug and he started crying, which really surprised me. y'know, not just teary-eyed, but full on crying. he said he was going to miss me, which was nice to hear because i honestly thought he wouldn't be that upset. he agreed with everything i was saying, and i think in a lot of ways felt relieved. i know that he blames himself. he told me that he doesn't want to be alone, that it was nice having someone around, but that he doesn't know what's wrong with him - why doesn't he want to be in a serious relationship? i told him not to be so hard on himself. he'll know when it's time.

in no way was the breakup his fault - he was upfront and honest with me from the beginning about not being ready. i took a chance (which i don't regret) and it didn't work out. were there red flags? absolutely. does it make me sad? yes. but, it didn't feel right and i knew that i had to end it because we weren't on the same page at all.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Monday, August 23, 2010

Clean Slate: Dave

a lot has happened with Dave since my last entry... he waited a good three weeks before following up with our mutual friend explaining how he felt badly about the way he had handled things with me, chalked it up to bad timing and regretted not giving it a second chance. after some careful consideration, i decided to give it one last shot and send D a message (really, what did i have to lose?). i told him that i understand that he's not "ready to date" at the moment, but it's not every day that i feel such a good connection with someone of the opposite sex and that i was disappointed when it didn't work out for us. we have since talked quite openly about our lil sitch, and he admits that we are looking for the same thing (i.e., dates vs. the elusive "hangouts"). i like how easy he is to talk to.

we have since gone on two really long, fantastic dates before i headed up to my cottage for a two week summer vacation. i casually suggested that he come visit me at the cottage, to which he replied "buuuut aren't your parents up there with you?". yep, they sure were. he obviously warmed up to the idea because he drove up, met my parents, and stayed over for 2 nights. can you say change of heart? we had a fabulous time and i think in some ways it was a test to see how we would fare in each other's company for 48 hrs. success! this past weekend he joined me at a friend's bday party and met some of my friends which was nice too.

i still feel like it's complicated and cryptic at times, but i'm trying to have a new attitude when it comes to Dave AND dating in general. take it slow, keep it casual, and turn down the crazy. here's hoping!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Out of the Blue

I randomly heard from Jon this week by email. He asked me how my summer was going so far and if I had fun at the volleyball tournament over the weekend (creepy, I don't remember telling him I was going to that!). Some questions: Is this guy for real? He ditches me, stops all communication and then follows up for some small talk? Did his gf just dump him? Did he realize he had made a huge mistake? My curiosity got the better of me. I asked him if he just woke up from a really, really long coma. After a few cryptic responses from him, I flat out asked him what he wanted. He said he just wanted to say "hi". I didn't respond back - I thought that might send the best message of all, although he does seem pretty clueless.

Why is it that as soon as you've written someone off, they find a way to pop back into your life?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Cruel Intentions: Dave

two days after our last date, i decided to give Dave a call. after a bit of phone tag, we finally connected and chatted briefly. and that was the last i've heard from him! it's now been over a week since our last date. i guess sometimes a bit of game play is involved, as i refuse to be the one to contact him yet again. i figure if he was genuinely interested in me, he would make more of an effort. it's just so confusing because when we were on our dates, especially the last one, i felt like he was really into me. so what went wrong? i just wish that dudes could at the very least be consistent.

i explained this situation to a group of ladies up at a girls cottage weekend recently. one of them had a good point. if the guy doesn't meet your "deadline" of when YOU think he should call you, move on. for example, one cottager explained that she would totally be fine with Dave following up a week later. a week later, really!? not me. i'm totally not a high maintenance kind of chick, but how hard is it to touch base every few days? it takes two seconds to send a text message or shoot off a quick email (or hell, pick up the phone!), even in the busiest of times. i won't budge on that one. and that's exactly what she was saying, don't budge. good advice, i thought.

------------
later....

sometimes i don't always listen to good advice. it felt like every minute that passed, i grew angrier and angrier. i needed some closure, if nothing else. i decided to text dave. he responded with "what's up?", so i bit the bullet and laid it all down. i told him that i liked him and was having fun getting to know him better and wondered if the feeling was mutual. what came next surprised me. he claims that he messaged me on Canada Day, as well as sending other messages (not sure if on the same day). i explained that i never received any messages from him and that it sounded like a misunderstanding (here we were, both thinking the other person was extremely douchey for not following up!). he said that he always had a fun and great time when we hung out, but that when he didn't hear back from me, he kind of assumed the worst and was really bummed out and it made him realize that maybe he's not yet ready to date again. huh?! was he really just going out like that? what do you say to that? also, did i or did i not call it on date #1 when i felt as though he was enjoying being single? again, i just explained that it's unfortunate that there was a misunderstanding... he responded again explaining how he really liked me, but that if we continued to see each other, it would probably get serious and he can't do that. message loud and clear. better to find out now, than later on down the road.

this was a new one for me. hey, i'm super into you and really enjoy spending time with you... buuuuut i'm afraid it's going to get serious and oh, ps- sorry for making out with you and sending you all kinds of crazy mixed messages, but i don't think i'm ready to date. a big part of me is suspicious of those "text messages" he apparently sent me. it was almost as if he was turning it around on me: well, you didn't respond and left me hanging so i kind of moved on. THIS is the exact problem with text messaging in the dating world. can someone work on that, pleeease?

i decided to have a facebook deleting party-of-one and blare Lady Gaga's "Monster" and call it a night.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Round 2: Dave

sooo after waiting 3 days (ugh, stupid rule), Dave ended up contacting me. i told him that i was just thinking we should probably set up another rendez-vous, and he seemed to like the idea. i suggested we meet up for a dinner date.

he ended up parking his car at my place and then coming up for a quick drink before heading out. as i swung open my front door to greet Dave, he was sitting on my stoop in rayban shades, a denim shirt, shorts and flip flops. somehow he can pull off the cool nerd look. we chatted and made fun of my book collection together (note to self: hide "the hookup handbook" the next time you have a dude over) and then head out to chinatown. we ended up going to a restaurant i had never tried before called yangtze. we shared the szechuan beef and curry noodles (yum!).

the conversation was good. somehow we got on the topic of dating, so we swapped some bad date stories. i don't know why, but i love hearing about horror date stories.. maybe it somehow makes me feel better about my own. i like that Dave is funny, but can be serious at times too.

once we had finished eating, our waiter immediately (almost as if on command) came over and gave us our bill (he paid). i told Dave that i wouldn't mind grabbing another drink somewhere, so we went for a nice long walk to the James St. pub patio. thankfully, the thunderstorm held off!

a lot can be said for body language. Dave pulled up a chair right beside me and was turned facing me the whole time. it was nice because i felt like i had his undivided attention, even though the patio was packed and loaded with TVs. i think i even felt our legs touch! ha. i am definitely attracted to this guy.

after 5 hours of enjoying each other's company, we headed back to my place and he gave me a kiss goodnight (take that, Jon)! it was a sweet, fun evening.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Dave

a few months ago, a close friend of mine went on a Tremblant snowboarding trip with some people and met Dave. she came back and told me how he's just my type - scruffy, sweet and funny, and that she'd need to hook us up. she befriended him on facebook, and after some creeping, i was pleasantly surprised. he's cute! minor detail: we weren't sure if he was single or not. i had heard through mutual friends that he was in a pretty serious relationship recently, but that they broke it off. finally, my friend sent him a message explaining that she had the perfect person to set him up with. he seemed interested (and confirmed he was single), so he asked if i would like to meet up for a drink.

we met up at a pub in the market on a rainy night. i got there first, and quite literally the only table left was one on a stage. i texted him to let him know where i was sitting and when he responded with "so does that mean you're going to give me a show?", i knew that the date was going to be fun and my nerves melted away. Dave is tall and cute with red hair and a killer smile. he's 29, lives in Kanata and owns his own business as an IT consultant. i guess he grew up in Kanata so all of his close friends still live out in the west end of the city. he did mention that he's thinking of moving downtown with a buddy of his sometime in the near future.

the conversation flowed very nicely. he's probably the easiest person in the world to talk to/get along with. we bonded over our love of Arrested Development/music/travel/cottages and the next minute, we were talking about prostitution in Ottawa (which is funny when you think about it). i decided to try something new: keep it to a 2 beer maximum. i want him to know that i don't need drinks to be funny or outgoing, but can just be myself. not to mention, nobody likes to go on a date with a sloptart. i paid for our drinks (huge mistake?) while he was in the washroom because our server wanted to settle up. he seemed surprised that i paid, but didn't exactly offer to contribute or suggest that he get it next time. he probably just felt awkward.

the lights were dimming and after 3 hours, we decided to head out. he offered to give me a ride home which i accepted for two reasons: 1- it meant i would get to spend more time with him (to be honest, i didn't really want the date to end) and 2- my mom told me that if a guy offers you a ride home, you take it because if you don't, you'll never get rides after that and it makes the guy feel good/responsible/gentlemanly. he drives a red VW beetle, which kind of caught me by surprise...explanation: he used to work for Nerds on Site and got a good deal on the car.

the awkward goodbye: the only downside to a drive home = less chance of a hug/kiss at the end of the night. i said that i had a good time and thanked him for the ride. because of the awkwardness, neither of us said that we should do it again sometime. UGH! i really wanted to say that. i've learned that if you're interested in a guy, it doesn't hurt to show it (stalking excluded), so i sent him a text message explaining that it was nice to meet him and asked him to let me know if he wanted to go out again sometime. if nothing else, i felt better to have expressed myself and show interest. he replied saying that he had fun too and thanked me for the drinks and said that he would get the bill next time. oooh a "next time" would be fun!

new strategy: i'm not going to overthink/overanalysize/overcraze this date. i thought it went well and got the impression that we both had a good time. my only hesitation is that i got the feeling that he's enjoying being single. in any case, we shall see. i need to remind myself to take things slowly when it comes to dating. i think i get really excited and then get too emotionally invested for my own good and wind up feeling disappointed/let down. i should enjoy being single too!

stay tuned.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Debbie Downer

i was feeling a bit sorry for myself this weekend... wondering why nothing ever works out for me. my mom always told me that everyone is entitled to a pity party, but only for one day. luckily i'm able to recognize when i'm feeling this way so i can snap out of it pretty quickly. the truth is, nobody wants to be around a Debbie Downer.

the message is loud and clear that Jon just isn't that into me. it's unfortunate...it's always disappointing when things don't work out. i guess i was just surprised at how quickly he threw in the towel out of nowhere. it's hard not to take it personally too. a few of my friends said they were actually surprised at how much of a fight i was putting up, given that i wasn't entirely sure of our connection at first. was it simply the thought of "losing him" that made me want him even more? a situation of wanting what i can't have? if i'm honest with myself, this is probably the case.

p.s. i just realized that i have NO single girlfriends in Ottawa anymore!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Round 5: The Set Up

it's been about a month since i first wrote about Jon. initially, we saw each other 4 times in one week and then both of us had pretty hectic work and life schedules which didn't permit us to spend time together for another 3 weeks. after date #4, he texted me to say that he thought i was really fun and wanted to kiss me that night, but wasn't sure if the feeling was mutual. i responded and told him that it absolutely was and that he should just go for it next time. his response: i WILL!

in between date #4 and 5, there were some very flirty, comfortable texts back and forth between us... however when we met up for date #5, again, he seemed maybe shy/nervous. oh, and no kiss on date #5. my plan was to go in for the kiss myself, but chickened out. i started to take it personally for some reason (bring on the crazy!) so i texted him and wrote "that's weird, we didn't kiss tonight!" he agreed and said that again, he really wanted to.

this past weekend i was away in Toronto and he was away in Montreal. on Saturday, i asked him if he wanted to spend the day with me on holiday Monday, stating that we should have a "day date". i've only seen him at night, and thought it would be fun to do some sort of activity during the day (not to mention the fabulous weather i knew we would be having!). his response: "i've always dreamed of that" (i'll take that as a YES!!). while we didn't have a time or activity lined up, he definitely agreed to Monday. so on Monday morning when i messaged him asking him if we were still on, he replied saying that he was actually on his way out for a ride on his motorcycle to Tremblant. huh? i was hurt that he wasn't asking me if i wanted to tag along and that he was essentially ditching me. there was no mention of meeting up later on that day. i replied saying that there must have been some sort of miscommunication and that i thought we had plans. i didn't want to be overdramatic and girly, but i definitely wanted him to know that i was disappointed. he apologized and said that it was days like this that he wished his bike could seat a passenger. i guess he was flying solo....

i think it's important to trust your gut when dating. as i mentioned earlier, he messaged me A LOT about a month ago. as of late, i feel as though his messages have dwindled and that he's losing interest (or possibly dating someone else?). i've been reminded by my friends that i'm reading too much into things (read: paranoid), that he's a guy, and probably saw that it was a nice day outside and the opportunity to take his bike out.

it will be interesting to see if he contacts me again for another date!

sometimes i really do wonder if i'm too busy to date though.

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Set Up

soooo last weekend i was at a party and out of nowhere, my friend Scott had an epiphany. he wanted to set me up on a date with his friend, Jon! well, why the hell not. it's been a while since i've been out on a date. Jon is 33, moved here 4 years ago from Fredericton, has a good job, owns a condo downtown and shares many of the same foodie/music/travel interests as me. bonus: he also used to own a Westie dog! we had been emailing back and forth quite a bit before the date so i was pleasantly surprised when we met up for drinks to learn that he's equally as charming/funny in person. refreshing: he sends emails/texts, several of them (not TOO many) and is very good at replying. we hit up 3 different pubs and spent about 5 hours together on our date. he's really easy to chat with and i immediately felt comfortable going into the date knowing that he is good friends with Scotty. i also like that he's not shy (probably an east coast thang). he offered to walk me home/get me a cab which was sweet, but i thought the walk would do me some good. he asked me to text him when i got home to let him know that i got home safely. it's funny because i've sort of given up assessing how a date goes, because sometimes i'm WAY off the mark. but in this case, he said a few times on the date how he was so glad that we had been set up and we even started to make a bucket list for the summer. he's invited me over for a bbq at his place on Sunday!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

10 Things I Hate About You

Update on "two-faced Dan": I went to a less-than-desirable pub over the weekend (in its defense, it has recently been revamped) and spotted Dan on a date. I remembered how he had suggested that we go to said pub for our first date. I just chalked it up to Dan being new to Ottawa, so I quickly scoffed at (and mocked) his idea and promptly switched the location. Clearly, this is Dan's date hangout! I couldn't tell if he was on a first, second or third date with this brunette. They seemed rather cozy (the interlocking hands seemed a tad unnecessary) . One of my friends said that I was much prettier, which is always nice to hear. In his absence, his date spilled an entire pitcher of beer which made me giggle...

I went out for coffee with a guy friend of mine today. We often swap dating horror stories/strategies/lessons learned, etc. He had recently been given the "This is too serious for me. I've never been in a serious relationship. Can we just be friends?" speech. In any case, he shared with me something that he found helped him during this most confusing time. It seems pretty genius to me: make a "Top 10" list (think David Letterman) of the things you least liked about that person. Hey, whatever makes you feel better. Why hadn't I thought of that before?

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Onto the Next One

I decided to give "Baby, It's Cold Outside" another chance. I needed to know if there was any spark/chemistry there. This time around, I was impressed that he initiated the date, and made all of the arrangements (including picking me up!). We had agreed that he would swing by my place for a drink before going out for dinner. Well, he arrived 15 minutes before our slotted reservation time, so it was a bit rushed and needless to say, we were late for dinner but it all worked out in the end. After a delicious meal, the plan was to meet up with our friends (who had set us up) and go bowling. By the time we finished dinner, it was prime bowlin' time on Saturday night, so we had to come up with an alternate plan. Instead, we went out for drinks at a pub and then back to our friends' house. I was so relieved to have our friends there to act as buffers (my idea - have you ever tried to bowl with just one other person? exactly). It definitely made us both feel at ease and the conversation flowed really nicely.

I can't say one single bad thing about him. He's great - very nice, funny, sweet.... but I can't force myself to like him enough to feel as though potential chemistry exists. Alas, it does not. I couldn't shake the "friend vibe".

After an awkward goodbye in front of our friends, I called it a night. I can close this chapter and move onto the next one!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Book Alert: How to Be Single

"We're screwed. We're this generation of women who are just as lonely as any other, but we're just unwilling to settle or compromise to get ourselves out of it. So we're all just waiting for the fucking needle-in-a-haystack guy who we're going to love, who's going to happen to love us, who we're going to meet just at the time when we're both available and living in the same city."

We've all been there.

You're probably thinking this is a self-help book, given the title, but it's not. This semi-fictional read was penned by Liz Tuccillo, one of the co-creators of the hit He's Just Not That Into You. The premise: a writer in her late 30s quits her job to travel the world and talk to single women of different cultures. While this may seem like a dreaded task to some, the main character explains that it was reassuring to listen to these women's stories and realize that she is not alone. The conversations she has with her four single friends back home reminded me a lot of (SATC and..) my friendships along with the recurrent themes that seem to arise in Datingsville. It's a funny and realistic read!

Also, I'm a little jealous. It would be so interesting to hear about the man drought in Australia...first-hand. Just sayin'!

The movie is in the works and rumour has it Drew Barrymore will star in it.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Last Date

Noooo...not my last date, it's the name of an article in the most recent edition of the online Dinner Jacket magazine. We need more of THIS in Ottawa. It should be a regular column!

Fave line: "I'm much happier dating me."

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Healing Love Academy

This is how I spent my Friday night. I attended a 2 hour lecture entitled "How to avoid marrying a jerk! (male or female)" put on by Healing Love Academy which is part of the Capital Choice Counselling Group at St Paul University. The Psychologist giving the talk was very interesting and entertaining....not to mention it was quite a big turnout which surprised me! Most of the things he spoke about are things that most of us already knew, but needed to be reminded of. Also, everyone agreed that it would be extremely beneficial if a mandatory class on love/communication was offered in Grade 6 (imagine?!). Topics included: the art of getting oneself ready for a relationship commitment, how to get to know a new date/partner, the five pieces of information that should make you RUN, and why we choose the lovers we do.

Notes:
- falling in love will not save you from jerks
- love and relationships are a lot of hard work
- in order to let go of your ex, you need to GRIEVE the loss of a love... 6-12 months of emotional celibacy is recommended
- the first step in building a healthy relationship is being the best person you can be
- examine the pros/cons of ex-partners... ask them what you need to work on
- when you are ready to be in a relationship, you need to make yourself available
- similarity and complimentarity is important and helps keep us together
- relationships first, chemistry second... for example: know, trust, rely and commit need to be established before touch (if this means talking instead of touching for 3 months, so be it!)
- your close family and friends are your "jury".... if they vote against your relationship, LISTEN
- the best way to get to know someone after dating for a few months is visiting his family and examining the way he treats them (we love the way we were TAUGHT to love)
- if he doesn't take you to visit his family/never calls his family = RED FLAG
- you have the right to know about his past relationships/issues (why did it end?)
- own up to your contribution in a break up... don't point fingers

There was plenty of good discussion and giggles during the session. Everyone's got an opinion on love and relationships. Some people were seeking answers. Others were seeking love. Others wished their friends in relationships with jerks were in attendance. One girl asked if it was healthy to live with someone she had broken up with and what she should do... the answer was a resounding NO and RUN! She replied with a cute "Ok, so is anyone here renting a room?". hehe.

Check out the website. A new theme is explored the last Friday of every month! Many thanks to the friend who recommended this session to me and to my other friend for attending it with me.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Dating Detox

Happy New Year!

I was watching Oprah last week and there was a 41 year old single woman on the show struggling to find a date. I'd be lying if I said my first reaction wasn't OHMYGOD, that could be me in...10 years! In any case, The Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger gave her some helpful tips such as her Top 10 Things Not to Talk About on a First Date as well as 11 Commandments of Dating for Women.

In Chapter 1 of her book, Patti talks about Dating Detox... she advises you to not even think about going on a date and take time to figure out what it is that you're looking for. I think that's where I'm at right now. I've deleted my online dating profile because it just wasn't working for me. Not to say that I won't try another site in the future, just not right now.