No Strings Attached

pretty sure, this doesn't work.

Dave II

i haven't been overly satisfied with my eharmony experience... the site isn't very user friendly and it seems like my matches aren't willing to share their pic with me. for those of you who don't know how it works, there are a few steps you need to complete before being able to message your match (or you can skip right to messaging). i had finally made it to the "messaging phase" with not one, but two matches! eharmony miracle, right? one of them, shaun (30), only had one photo posted of himself and seemed clueless as to how to send me others despite the fact that he worked in the IT field. he also divulged that he was "living at home (saving up money)" - kind of a dealbreaker for me. i can't date another dude living at home with mommy and daddy because it reminds me too much of my bro...

and then there was dave (38). i hemmed and hawed about contacting him... in fact, i was curious how he had even been matched with me because i thought i put a cap at 37! ha. but, he had a nice smile and his emails were funny. i knew that he was born out east, worked for IBM and currently resided in the hunt club area, but that was pretty much it before i decided to ask him out. i'm not one to message back and forth a lot before meeting up because i find it builds too much expectation. we agreed to meet up for a quick drink after work last night. he kept giving me his phone number and asking me to call him because it was a "big bar".... it's ottawa, how big is any bar in town? plus, i didn't want him to have my digits in case the date was a bust.

i found him immediately when i entered - he must have also just arrived, so we made our way to a table and had a few pints of beer. immediately, it felt like i was on date with my dad (i guess a compliment to my dad?!). i don't know what 38 looks like, but dave looked OLD. a nice looking guy, friendly, but old in every sense - his mannerisms, his outdated humour, his references, etc, etc, etc.

the following are a few dealbreakers from our date:
- please don't tell me racial jokes. they aren't funny.
- it's rude to check your bbm and not apologize for it.
- still waiting for the punchline...
- he's divorced and has a 6 year old daughter (not necessarily a dealbreaker, but he could have been more upfront about that info).
- don't tell me about how much of a slacker you are at work. it's unattractive.
- believe it, i don't have a car. and i'm ok with that.

so yes, it was a date FAIL. i'm pretty sure the feeling was mutual because neither of us said we should do it again or that we would contact the other, and he didn't offer to give me a ride home on his way to The Keg. i felt disappointed as i walked home after my two pints of beer (thankfully, he paid), but the good news was that it was still Friday night! hopefully i will get a few more dates out of this eharmony business - if nothing else, just to make me feel as though i got my money's worth.

Are these profiles for real? ew.

The things I can't live without are:
My senses
Morning coffee
The touch of my lover, when I have one
Dynamism
Friends

I'm passionate about art, beauty in design, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball and high fiber. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a law outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

DEALBREAKER.

check out this hilarious find that i scored at Urban Outfitters. a must read for any single lady/gentleman! dealbreakers are not strictly for the ladies. be sure to also peruse the authors' blog - apparently the book might even be turned into a show on ABC a-la-sh!t my dad sez.

eHarmonious

i bit the bullet and joined eHarmony about a few weeks ago. i signed up for 6 months because i figure that's giving it a good shot. i'm having difficulty navigating the site. it seems like a complicated process, but i'm willing to work through it. i am feeling slightly frustrated as i've contacted about 20 dudes and have only heard back from a few (and i can see that they have viewed my profile, so i know they're online). maybe there's something wrong with my profile? my photos? i'm even afraid of rejection online!

fun (?) stats:
- i've been on 19 dates (that i can remember, not including speed dating)
- four have been set ups through friends
- i've dated two scotts and two matts
- i've gone on dates with musicians, entrepreneurs, IT guys, chefs, architects, and office workers
- i've been rejected twice (that i can remember, not including the times i've blocked out)
- i've had profiles up on 3 online dating websites

Dumped: Dave

i've never broken up with anyone before. normally, i'm the dumpee. this was a first for me and i don't think i realized how hard it would be. i was stressed all week thinking about what i would say when Dave came over. a friend of mine told me that it would just come naturally, and it did. i let him know that i had given it a lot of thought, and i really didn't think he was ready to be dating. recently, we had had a conversation and agreed that we were dating each other exclusively. i never felt involved in his life (e.g., not once did he invite me to meet any of his friends) and i had to be the one to put in all of the effort when it came to setting up our dates. i was starting to feel as though 1) i was in it alone and 2) that this was a lot of work. and i wasn't happy. in fact, i was getting more and more frustrated... i had to tell him twice that i needed to hear from him more often. i've never had to do that before (and i shouldn't have to). no matter what Dave might have been going through in his life (a lot of downs), i still think that if he was truly interested in me, he would have shown it somehow. i was proud of myself for telling him everything i was feeling over the past few months - i just wish i could have done it without crying! i was obviously disappointed that things didn't work out, but i was also upset because i knew that i wouldn't be seeing him again.

after spending 3.5 hours of talking, cuddling and talking some more, he got up to say goodbye. i gave him a hug and he started crying, which really surprised me. y'know, not just teary-eyed, but full on crying. he said he was going to miss me, which was nice to hear because i honestly thought he wouldn't be that upset. he agreed with everything i was saying, and i think in a lot of ways felt relieved. i know that he blames himself. he told me that he doesn't want to be alone, that it was nice having someone around, but that he doesn't know what's wrong with him - why doesn't he want to be in a serious relationship? i told him not to be so hard on himself. he'll know when it's time.

in no way was the breakup his fault - he was upfront and honest with me from the beginning about not being ready. i took a chance (which i don't regret) and it didn't work out. were there red flags? absolutely. does it make me sad? yes. but, it didn't feel right and i knew that i had to end it because we weren't on the same page at all.

Mixed Signals